What we remember shapes who we are and who we become.
Think about that. Taking your kids to see their favorite baseball team play, camping at the beach, hiking in the mountains, making crafts together or simply chasing your children down the hallway as they squeal all impacts how their brains get wired. The moments we have together along with the feelings that come with those interactions is what shapes who are children will become.
This is why spending quality time with and providing memorable experiences for your children matters.
Our goal as parents is not to raise kids who stay kids all of their lives. But instead, we are focusing on raising resilient adults who flourish, thrive and are good humans.
We do this by creating positive childhood memories and help them through the tough ones. We don’t wrap our kids in bubble wrap keeping them from negativity, but instead, are present and communicate to them that we are on the same team. Reflecting on and recalling these experiences have a great impact on their development.
This is how we become the “gardener” in our kids’ lives as we give them what they need to grow into the beautiful wildflowers God created them to be. The things we do together, in essence, are the water, good soil, and sunlight.
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According to research studies published in the American Psychological Association, people who have happy childhood memories especially those linked with their parents tend to be healthier!
Positive memories are linked to less depression, mental health issues, and less stress. Furthermore, young adults who have positive memories from growing up usually also have better quality work and personal relationships.
Bonus!! A great way to create a strong connection with your kids is by having family meetings. Receive a free Family Meeting Agenda when signing up for my newsletter.
Table of Contents
How Memory Works
It’s important to have an understanding of how memory works and why it makes such a difference, especially in a little person’s life.
Memory helps us make sense of the world. This most definitely is true for childhood memories. As neuroscience teaches us, “neurons that fire together, wire together,” meaning the more you do something, the stronger that circuit in your brain becomes.
The way we store information and recall it is quite complex. By understanding how it works, though, we can provide more opportunities in creating childhood memories that make a difference.
Events and experiences get stored into long term memory when they have significant meaning to the child. The more significant, the more likely it is to stick and aid in development.
Storage Systems of the Brain
There are three storage systems that our brains use regarding memory.
Encoding
This is the process of receiving information and taking it all in. I love watching my toddler simply sit and stare at all the chaos that’s going on around him. During this time, he’s deciphering the world.
Long Term Memory
Secondly, long term memory becomes the storage unit of our experiences.
Episodic Memory is all about important events that happen. Along with these memories comes the feelings that were attached to those moments. This kind of memory just happens. There is no effort put into the creation of episodic memories, however, there are things we can do to keep them in storage so they can be recalled later on.
Semantic Memory is where we hold facts. This kind of memory takes a little more effort as we memorize or store new information. One of my sons uses this part of his memory a lot. As he’s supposed to be falling asleep at night, he rambles on and on about how a human can fit inside a whale’s veins, what cytosis is (which I still don’t quite understand!), and about weather patterns in different parts of the world.
Recall
This is the part of the memory that is able to find the information stored in the brain. When we recall events and experiences, a higher level of thinking occurs.
It allows us to organize all that we know about something, check associations we have with that memory such as smell, taste or touch and then hold onto and compare that information. A great example of this is my very strong memories of my firstborn child. At the time, I used Sweetpea hand sanitizer after every single diaper change. That smell can bring me back to his nursery instantly or vice versa.
Another part of the recall system is working memory which is where memories are stored for a short amount of time as we process and encode. Have you ever walked into a room forgetting what you were wanting to get? Then as soon as you see a certain item, it triggers you to remember? This is working memory at play.
Organizing, Storing and Reflecting On Childhood Memories
Naturally, kids are going to have experiences that turn into memories that impact who they are and become. Research shows that with rest and reflection, these moments can have a bigger bang for their buck, so to speak.
I picture it like this…
When I was very young, my aunt worked at Mellon Bank in the Pittsburgh Area. It was the most beautiful building with vaulted ceilings, marble floors and fancy desks. I loved going to visit her!
At the very back was a huge vault that you could see into. This room was for employees only. There was a huge wheel that needed to be turned to the correct combination in order to get in. Inside that vault were piles and piles of money all sorted so that the employees could access when a customer needed money. Or at least this is what I remember.
Kids (and adults alike) all have a vault in their brains. This vault is called the hippocampus. Instead of having money inside, there are experiences. These experiences are sorted by positive and negative associations.
When our kids are faced with a decision, choice or have a new experience, they go into that vault and access one of those childhood memories to help guide them. It can be instinctual or intentional.
If you had to go into a vault such as this to help you with life, which would you rather have to pull from? Positive or negative experiences?
More positive experiences typically lead to a happier life because it also leads to resiliency, competence, and autonomy – all basic needs every human is born with.
Turn Childhood Experiences into Life-Changing Memories
Being intentional with the time we spend with our kids can make this whole parenting thing worthwhile.
In Tina Payne Bryson and Dr. Daniel Siegel’s new book, The Power of Showing Up, they say, “a securely attached child is not only happier and more content but also much easier to be with and to parent.”
How do we get on that train?
Related: The Real Reason Parenting is Hard and How To Make It Easier
One way is to make the time we spend with our children and the things we do together “stick.”
R.I.P. Memory Strategy
I found a memory strategy on Reading Rockets for kids called R.I.P. which stands for Repetition, Imagery and Patterns.
>>Side note: did your hippocampus associate R.I.P. with Rest in Peace? I’m going to assume, yes. I love that they took a memory strategy to name a memory strategy. Yes, I take full ownership of my nerdiness. Ha!
In this R.I.P. toolbox, they have strategies such as:
- Relax and Concentrate
- Slow Down
- Organize
- Write Down or Repeat
- Visualize
- Translate
- Use pictures
- Practice
Doing these three things fundamentally helps kids store experiences, moments and facts into long-term memory so they can be called on in the future.
I wanted to then link this way of learning to the everyday moments we create with our kids to form an even stronger connection.
Preserve Your Monthly Memories
To help kids remember their experiences so they can grow from them, I created a year of monthly memories printable for families. *Click here to download!
This is how it works:
- Print out a cover and write the year
- Print out the sheet for the month
- Keep in a common area
- Encourage everyone in the family to write down, print pictures and draw about the memories made from the month
- Store the finished sheet
Instructions
1. Print Out the Cover
Print the cover for your year of memories. It’s okay if you’re starting in the middle of the year. Writing down what year it is will help you keep all the memories organized.
There is a big white space on the front for the date. At the end of the packet are a few other cover options. I like options.
2. Print the Monthly Memory Sheet at the Beginning of Each Month
I am writing this at the beginning of the year, so I just printed out, January.
Ideally, using card stock or thicker paper will make these last longer and be able to support any glue or creations added.
3. Keep the Monthly Memory Sheet in an Easy-to-Access Location in Your Home
For us, the kitchen is the most commonplace in our house. It’s where we have family dinner together every night, where homework takes place, where we prepare food and where we do the most congregating.
In the corner of our kitchen is a small command board. It’s nothing fancy but rather a simple dry erase board calendar where we put our family meeting agenda items, needed grocery items, chore assignments, routine charts, our lunch items list and packing lists.
Related: Routines for Kids: Why They Work & How to Create Your Own
Also, next to our fridge is an area where we have a small basket of pens and pencils along with mail. These two spots would be the place to put our reflection sheet so it is visible to everyone.
4. Write Down (or Draw) Experiences You Have Throughout the Month
This is a task for EVERYONE in the family. Now, my three-year-old is not going to be able to write down his childhood memories, but I can ask him what he would like me to write for him.
You can do this in any fashion you choose. Come up with how your monthly memory sheet is going to look like as a family.
Here are ideas of how to record your memories:
- Use bullet points
- Assign a different color marker to each person to write with
- Encourage drawings as well as words
- Print out photos
- Staple ticket stubs or items from places you visited
Drawing is great to do because it allows a person to synthesize the information, make choices about the information and store it into memory in a way that’s easier to recall.
Everyone can either add to the sheet whenever they want or make it an agenda item during your weekly or monthly family meetings. I like the idea of doing both!
Your kids can write down any of their childhood memories they would like. You may be surprised at what they choose as it may be different than what you think is most important.
For example, if you go on a vacation to visit caves but also camp or swim at a hotel pool, they may think swimming was more fun and memorable than the actual caves. Anything goes! Also, have your family members (you included!) write down when goals are accomplished such as climbing to the top of an indoor rock-climbing wall for the very first time.
5. Save the Monthly Memory Sheet Once the Month is Finished
After that month is finished, put your sheet into a binder or you could even attach them all to a big binder ring.
Included in the Monthly Memory Printable is a cover sheet. This can be used to put the year, or season or however you would like to organize this reflection activity.
Download The Year of Memories Reflection Printable
Share The Love
If you found this post about childhood memories and how to create stronger connections with your kiddos helpful, please share or pin for later. I would also love to know if you use your monthly memory sheets.
Post pictures and tag me on Instagram or Facebook. That would fill my heart with so much joy!
Hello!!! I’m Adriane. I’m a mom to three loud boys, am a research-a-holic and very passionate person who writes at Raising Kids With Purpose. Parenting can feel so hard sometimes but with mindset shifts and understanding, it can be very enjoyable. My hope is to inspire parents like you to create lifelong connections with your children and enjoy the journey along the way!
Christine says
I love this message and love the printables!! I signed up and can’t wait to start using them to preserve some memories with my kiddos! I try to be intentional with them but I really love how you break down the psychology of it. I think it can be easy at times to forget the HUGE impact our decisions as parents have on our children. This was a great read 😊
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe this filled my heart. Thank you! Yes, it helps me implement things when I know the reason behind it or how it really works. Then I like to take that information and break it down even more so it’s digestible. Thank you so much for your sweet compliment. I would love to see what your family comes up with!
D’Gauntlett says
Adriane – What a powerful post! It needs to go viral so parents from all walks of life can read and implement. I still remember encouraging my oldest to study French as one day he could be the Prime Minister of the country we lived in at the time. He never did. But later graduated as Dr. of Philosophy.. I have often wondered how I can still remember things that happened when I was 4 years old. I now know from this post, it’s a mini course. Thank you so much.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe you are too sweet! Thank you so much for sharing. What a thoughtful comment. That alone are memories I’m sure he has pulled from throughout his life. And what powerful goals to help him work towards. I love Philosophy. I bet he’s doing life-changing work.
Breanne says
I love all the info on memory formation! I’m not a mom yet but I’m always trying to find ways on how to raise my future kids right. Thanks for this! 🙂
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe! Well, you are ahead of the game, for sure! I wish I knew half of this when my now ten-year-old was a baby. My toddler gets to benefit from it all though. LOL!
Elizabeth Ervin says
I love the break down about memory! As a mother with a neglected childhood, I found this article to be so informative d helpful. Even in providing good memories with my own children. Thank you.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I’m right there with you. I didn’t have much stability until I was five which means my brain developed a lot of defense mechanisms to protect itself. I’m learning so much about how our experiences affect our entire life. The great news is that our brains have the ability to change! And so do our hearts <3
Sarah bankuti says
Love this article! Signed up for the printable memories sheet too!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!
Michelle says
I love the idea of monthly memory sheets. I remember a lot of my childhood, but I’m sure I would be able to recall so much more if I’d written some of it down. This will be awesome for my kids!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I probably got this from not having anything from my childhood. I have a few photos but that’s pretty much it. My husband, on the other hand, has so many pieces of artwork and memories saved that his mom put into a huge album. Our boys love looking through it!
Jennie Mayes says
Wow so much knowledge to gain here. Thanks for the printables.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Of course!
Jen Towkaniuk says
I love this idea! I always tried to create great memories for my daughter but had no idea that it was helping her grow into a great young adult. I’m saving these printables for when she has littles.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Yeppers! You are helping her little brain grow in a very healthy way. You’re setting her up for success and joy, for sure 🙂
Jen says
I love everything about this post! – the idea, suggestions and overall delivery. I especially love the drawing idea for my 3 year old! Definitely going to start this in our family 🙂
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe, definitely do it! I bet she’ll love it. And how fun will that be for everyone to look back and see her drawings of her favorite experiences!
Cate says
Another great post, your pictures are lovely and your mission is so great! Thanks for putting so much work into this article!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you! I took your advice and made sure all the images were the same width and didn’t put as many. I really enjoyed researching for this post!
Nicole says
Thanks for breaking this down, I totally agree with this! What great printable me too, thank you for sharing!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!
Brooke Selb says
Oh my gosh, I love the idea of a monthly memory project!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thanks!
Marissa says
What a great way to remember all of the fun the family has had! We do a ton of fun activities during the summer, but during the school year and winter months, it’s harder to keep up with that. We try to do some smaller activities, but man, we can’t wait for summertime again!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Yes, agreed! and honestly what you write down doesn’t need to be an activity you go out and do but can even by playing a board game, getting froyo, or simply reading together in bed.
Ariana Dagan says
Love this so much! Thanks for the great printables! Pinning for later!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!!!
Lisa Santangelo says
I am all about “experiences” with my children as well. They remember things that I did with them from when they were so small. Quality time is so important!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
It really is!!!
Amber Hurley says
This is so important because the things we do with them are what they’re gonna remember.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
And the things we do don’t only help them remember but it impacts how the brain actually wires! So fascinating!
Maria Yakimchuk says
This is a wonderful post. I like how you broke all the processes down and then the cute vault analogy. This seems like wonderful way to keep memories and to help kids have a positive childhood.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you! I’m hoping it works for us (and others too)!
Rikki Ridgeway says
This is such a powerful post, my goal as a mom is to provide the best memories for my daughter.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you, Rikki!
Lauren says
I love the idea of writing down monthly memories! My toddler has a great memory and recalls things we did once. It is so crazy! I am all about creating happy memories for my family so great post.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
awe I love that so much! My seven-year-old has a crazy early memory too. The more you talk about it and revist those memories, the stronger they will become!
Jen says
This is a fantastic article! I was a psych major in college … I’m guessing maybe you were too? I love the RIP strategy. The monthly memory sheets are a great idea!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I wish I knew I liked psychology when I picked my degree. I actually have a degree in communication and English…however, my favorite courses were always the ones that look at communication patterns or why people did what they did and how they solved problems. I had no idea I had this crazy Psychology passion turned addiction. LOL! So I read textbooks and other non-fiction “for fun”. Yes, the RIP strategy is great. I just saw it for the first time while researching for this post!
may palacpac says
My semantic memory skills need sharpening! On the other hand, my episodic seems much more in function. Is that common for women?
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
LOL! I’m actually not quite sure but that’s definitely worth looking into. I wonder how or why some people’s semantic memory is stronger or weaker than their episodic memory. I’m the opposite. My semantic is overactive (if that’s a thing!); whereas, I have a harder time remembering experiences which I know is a defense mechanism my brain developed from my very early childhood.
Kathy Walker says
Love this idea and it makes great memories for you and your kids! I have grown children and we still talk about all the places we went to and all our memories of our family vacations. But what’s best of all is that we still do weekends together and camping trips as much as possible
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I love that so much! I hope the same for our family!