How Moms Can Be Nice To Their Kids (And Reduce Stress) During the Holidays

Last year around the beginning of December, I was sitting with a group of moms. Between the seven of us, we had 26 kids! As we started to talk about what was going on in our lives, I could see the exhaustion and even a little sadness on some of my friends’ faces. Then a few said similar things, “It’s really hard for me to be nice to my kids around the holidays. How can us moms reduce stress during the holidays? Please pray I can find patience.” 

Christmas brings an abundance of joy, but it also can bring a whole lot of stress. 

The schedule seems to fill up super fast. 

Diet can be thrown off because it’s too hard to resist all that yummy holiday food. 

Family can make things better or let’s be honest, complicate life a little more than usual. 

There may be a ton more travel involved, by car, plane or boat! Okay, maybe not by boat unless your super close to water. 

And there are a whole lot of to-do lists making our sleep suffer.

It can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day to get all the shopping, baking and activities finished. Then, on top of all that, we are expected to have enough mental capacity to be patient and kind to our kids. 

What Causes Parents to Snap?

In order to help moms reduce stress during the holidays, we need to figure out where this is coming from. Why are we quick to snap or yell at our kids, especially during the hap, hap, happiest Christmas (name that movie…and I stopped there because I’m not a fan of vulgar language 😉)? 

I will do a post that digs a little deeper into why parents get angry in general but for now, it’s good to have a basic understanding. 

Here are the main reasons why you can get angry or unkind to your kids during the holidays: 

Taking things too personally

There are usually a lot more activities, events, and family visits this time of year and if our kids are not behaving perfectly, we take on that stress. Or we start to forget how to connect and jump on the correction-only train making our kids’ behavior spiral even more out of control. 

Related: The Real Reasons Parenting is Hard

Hyper-vigilance

As moms, we are always scanning the premises to detect a threat. Let’s face it, during this time of year there can be a lot of threats caused by lack of sleep, poor diet, too much excitement, and the list could go on. 

Expectations

Even if we don’t mean to, we can unintentionally set unrealistic expectations for how our kids should behave, for how all the events and activities should go and for what Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hannakuh or whatever holiday we celebrate should be like. See that word, should. Let’s throw that out of the window and let the experiences be what they are. 

Lack of Rules and Limitations

It’s Thanksgiving! It’s Christmas! Hanukkah is here! We tend to let down our guard during this time and give in a little more than usual. Know the phrase, “give an inch and they take a mile?” My kids sure have taken their fair share of miles during this time of year so it’s good to be aware to reign that in because kids need structure and (positive) discipline.  

Burn Out

It’s especially hard to find time to take care of ourselves during this time of year because time is fleeting. This can leave to not having anything else to give to the people who need us most. 

BONUS!! If it’s hard to squeeze in one-on-one time with your kids, sign up for my newsletter to receive a FREE Quality Time Printable with over 60 activities to do with your child!

6 Things You Can Do To Be Nice To Your Kids During the Holidays 

Here are six specific ways us, moms, can reduce stress during the holidays and in turn, be kind and nice to our kids!

1. Take Care of Your Mind!

Our minds are very precious commodities. We only have so much mental capacity to do so much during the day so we need to protect what we have like a treasure. 

Creating mental space allows you to not react right away when situations arise. Instead, you can take that time to stop, pause, pray and breathe.

The more you can create this space, the less you will have the urge to yell, scream, and be mean to your kids. In turn, they will eventually be able to return the kindness back to you. 

Behave Like the Person You Want To Be

Do you feel like your kids are driving you crazy? Act as if they aren’t.

Feel like you don’t have enough time to get everything done? Act as if you do.

Are you dreading driving a few hours to visit family? Act as if you can’t wait. 

This is the key to helping us, moms, reduce stress during the holidays because there is power in reframing the way we view our circumstances.

If you sit in the negativity, that’s where you will stay. Even if you are having those feelings, stop and act as if you are on top of the world and eventually your mind will catch up. 

Practice Mindfulness

It doesn’t need to take long to benefit from mindfulness. Even a few minutes a day can help bring awareness back to your mind and body so you can continue on with your day connecting and enjoying your family. 

A good time I practice mindfulness is when I’m in the car, I’m rocking my toddler and I’m lying in bed at night.

Pause and take a moment to see, hear and feel your environment. Do a quick body scan to see how you are physically feeling. Lastly, check-in with your emotions, label those emotions and take note on why you are feeling that way.

Practice Gratitude

Recognizing what you are grateful for has many more benefits than just being a nice person. It can contribute to our overall mental and physical health. There are four parts of gratitude that we should make sure we teach our kids, but also pay attention to for ourselves as well. 

Research shows that gratitude changes the brain for good! 

At the start or end of every day, go through at least five things you are grateful for. Be specific and change the list every day. You’ll be surprised at how this makes you feel. 

Also, turn your negative thoughts about a situation or person and turn into a positive. For example, if you are stressed you have to bake so many cookies for your child’s school, flip that thinking into what you grateful for in that situation. Find gratitude in being able to have a kitchen, enough money to afford to buy cookies, or be thankful that you are blessed to even have a child to make cookies for. 

One last way gratitude can come to play to be nicer to our kids is by teaching it to them! I find this to be so important in parenting that I created a Gratitude Toolkit that encourages kids to be introspective and learn how to be empathic towards others.

2. Intentionally Reduce Stress

Most of what is on this list is geared to ways to help us moms reduce stress during the holidays. It’s also important to have an awareness that you may be getting stressed out so that you can nip it in the bud right away. 

Very simple ways to ensure you don’t reach a toxic level of stress are to plan ahead, stick to routines and systems as best as you can, have realistic expectations, set a budget and know when it’s time to ask for help! 

Related: 7 Easy Self-Care Ideas for Busy Moms

3. Hand Off Responsibility

Look at that perfect segue! 

Another thing we can do that will help us be nice to our kids is to hand off responsibility to others. This one is really hard for me because I never want to be a burden. Many of my friends have their parents or siblings who help, but all of our extended family members live across the country from us. 

It takes a lot to ask a friend who probably has kids of her own to help you out. What I have found is most people, if they can, do want to help. A friend of mine always tells me to stop taking her ability to bless me away from her.

A great way to find help is to get connected in a bible study or playgroup, make friends with an empty nester or retiree. If you can afford it, hire a babysitter or mother’s helper to help you lighten your load. 

4. Focus on Your Wants

It’s okay to be selfish and focus on what you want!

How do you want this season to look? Write down all that you want to experience and accomplish this time of year. Remember not to set too high of expectations. However, it’s still good to figure out what it is that you want. 

Don’t fall into the trap of being a grumpy mean mom because you feel like your opinion or feelings don’t matter. Instead, make them a priority! 

5. Give Yourself Grace and Let Loose!

It’s okay if you are not perfect! 

Let me repeat that thought: “You don’t need to be perfect!”

With all of the images we are bombarded with on social media, it’s hard not to compare what we are doing for the holidays with others. It can create this sense of needing to be perfect. Have the perfect holiday photos, make the perfect Christmas dinner, get your kids the best presents, go to and do all the things. And can I mention that after being a family photographer for over 5 years that the end result most likely is NOT how the session went?

I know you’ve heard it before, but a lot of what we see is other people’s highlight reel so stop comparing your worst to their best. 

I’m here to tell you that you do not need to be perfect nor do you need to strive for perfection. Enjoy every moment as it comes! Next time you felt like you just messed up, stop and be courteous to yourself and remember that you are doing the best you can and that is MORE than enough because you matter! 

Read Next: How to Take Care of MYSELF with Self Care so I Can Give More to My Family

If you’re having a tough time giving yourself grace, drop everything and start dancing or singing or just let loose and find some FUN! I’m telling you dancing is the cure to most problems in my life. 

6. If All Else Fails…((whisper))

I am not even kidding. This little teeny tiny tip has been life-changing. 

If your house starts to get loud or it seems like no one is listening to you, stop talking or yelling and whisper.

It’s amazing how quiet it can get. Sometimes I do have to get right up in my kids’ grill so they even know I’m trying to communicate to them. When this happens, they stop, look at me like I’m crazy and then a magical thing happens! The noise reduces, my kids can hear me and somehow I get calmer and can gather my thoughts enough to be NICE! 

Enjoy the Holidays and Spread Some Cheer

Remember when I said this time of year is supposed to be joyful? It really can be if we slow down. It’s much easier for us, moms, to reduce stress during the holidays and be nice to our kids when we become aware that they are only going to be two, three, four or however old this one year. It’s not worth creating negative memories because they will be gone before we know it. 

Take note of when you’re starting to feel unkind.

Have a heart to heart with your children about how you want to be nice and how you love spending time with them. Tell them you are thankful and go spread some Christmas cheer together. 

Here is a recap of the simple ways for moms to reduce stress during the holidays:

1. Take care of your mind
2. Intentionally reduce stress
3. Handoff responsibility
4. Focus on your wants (really, it’s okay!)
5. Give yourself grace and let loose
6. Whisper

How Are You Being Nice To Your Kids This Holiday Season?