How to Take Care of MYSELF with Self Care so I Can Give More to My Family

Say it with me, “Taking care of MYSELF is not selfish.”

And one more time…

TAKING CARE OF MYSELF IS NOT SELFISH.

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If you would track every detail of your day, how much of it would actually be focused on only you? Whether you are a working or stay at home mom, there are people and things needing our attention and time all. day. long.

The wonderful news is that God wired our brains to be able to multitask. Scientists have used MRI imaging to discover that female brains are actually designed to carry out many tasks simultaneously. The not so good news is when we multitask all day long, often giving to everyone and thing other than ourselves, we grow tired, impatient, become less creative and we can get sad or anxious.

Simply said, we experience BURN OUT.

As moms, we need to be extra intentional so we don’t feel completely drained. We are not only moms to humans but are humans ourselves that also need to be taken care of. This is why self care is vital.

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Balance Does Not Exist

It’s not healthy to only focus on ourselves. The opposite is true too. It’s not healthy to only focus on our kids and everyone else around us.

I have come to realize that balance isn’t even a real thing. At least not in the terms of everything being even. However, the attempt to try to have some kind of balance when it comes to raising kids with purpose is so important. I have found with the acronym below, I am more joyful, am able to feel accomplished and am a happier mom and wife when there is focus on both.

Organizing Our Time As Moms

In Julie Morgenstern’s book, Time to Parent, she talks about giving ourselves a job description so we can have a better focus on how to manage the parenting a human/being a human balance. She came up with the acronym SELF which I have taken so much value from. After chatting with my best friend, we added two more letters making MYSELF – Motivate yourself, Yield to negativity, Sleep, Exercise, Love and relationships, and FUN!

If I focus a little more on MYSELF, I will have more energy, clarity, perspective and patience to do this whole parenting thing. I will find more joy in the day to day and in turn, be more in tune to God’s plan for my life. I’ll be able to bring the same, if not more, happiness to everyone around me.

These are not in order of importance, the acronym is a reminder to focus on what we need to get to that place of calm and joy.

The Benefits of Self Care For Moms

Psychologists say focusing on ourselves:

1. Reboots our brains
2. Helps us unwind
3. Improves our concentration
4. Makes us more productive
5. Gives space to self-discovery
6. Allows time for introspective thinking
7. Helps with critical thinking and problem-solving skills
8. Strengthens our relationships

After looking at that list, do you still feel like taking care of yourself is selfish?

Motivate Yourself

This can mean so many different things to different people. Motivating yourself applies to everyone but especially for stay at home and home school moms. If we don’t need to go anywhere, then what is the motivation to do anything other than stay in our PJs and have the TV on all day?

Here Are Some Things to Motivate Yourself to Do Self Care:

1. Take a shower! | If you have really little ones, let them shower with you or put a seat right outside the shower. It’s amazing how much better I feel when I’m clean which results in a more productive day. 
2. Change out of your exercise clothes or pajamas and put some makeup on | This one is a hard one for me. I love my workout clothes, but there’s a mind shift that happens when I throw on a pair of jeans or a comfy dress. I don’t wear a ton of makeup but at a minimum will put foundation and mascara on (I’m kind of obsessed with this mascara because it doesn’t run). The five to ten minutes it takes is worth every second for how much better I feel.
3. Leave the house | Get outside for some fresh air or go surround yourself around others if you’re an extrovert like me and need social interaction.
4. Take some time to be mindful | Mindfulness is one of those keywords that seem to be popping up everywhere. There is a reason for it. It’s a way to learn how to pay attention to what’s happening in your life. Introspectively check in with your heart, mind, and soul. Take some time to do some quiet time or read a short devotional.
5. Get Organized | This can go with being mindful and setting intentions, but getting organized and staying organized can really bring down your stress levels. Finding a daily schedule that works for you is a great place to start.
6. Connect with others in your same life stage | This is a great tip for all moms from working to not. Make friendships with other women with similar age children as you and similar working situation. These friends will be able to empathize with what you are going through. They will also be able to bring you hope and celebrate the wins.
7. Drink water | Just a little bonus one I thought I’d throw in here. Your body will thank you later.

Read Next: Simple Systems to Keep Your Home Organized and Clutter Free

Yield to Negativity

Yielding to negativity including negative thoughts reminds us to focus on the positive. The actual definition of “yield” is, “give way to arguments, demands, or pressure.” How fitting is that when it comes to motherhood?

When you yield to negativity, you can be authentic. Find your true self and love her hard. 

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.”
― Brene Brown,The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

After that shower you just took *wink wink*, look at yourself in the mirror. This is a huge part of self care people don’t think about.

Some people like to put clothes on first. But whatever floats your boat! Be comfortable in the skin you’re in! Whichever you choose, stare at the person you were designed to be. Think about your strengths and all the positives you possess so you can choose joy for the day. Weed out those negative thoughts.

Did you know positive thinking can actually change the chemicals in your brain?

When you have a thought, chemicals are released. Happy thoughts produce serotonin and dopamine which makes people feel happy, calm and pleased. Whereas negative thoughts produce cortisol, the stress hormone, so I’m sure you know how those affect the brain (source).

If we don’t “yield to the negative,” energy is taken away from the prefrontal cortex resulting in lower brain performance. Negative thoughts also decrease activity in the cerebellum, which is in charge of voluntary movements, working relationships, and motor learning.

Getting rid of negativity, I am a much calmer and happier mom, wife and friend.

Sleep

We know that if we don’t sleep, we are tired. Duh! Like on those shirts you see people wearing, “Tired as a Mother.” The less sleep we get, the more time it takes to get things done. And who has more time in the day? Not I said the fly busy mama.

Research of the cognitive neuroscience of sleep has found that each of the sleep states is linked to important learning and memory processes and creativity. While we sleep, we practice what we learned for that day [source]. We jam so much into our brains all day. There’s not a whole lot to show for it if we don’t get enough red eye.

According to Healthfinder.gov sleep keeps us healthy. We should focus on the quality of sleep we get in addition to the amount of time on a consistent schedule. That is something I need to work on. I’m infamous for getting six hours of sleep for 3-4 nights then 9-10 hours when my body decides it can’t take it anymore!

In this post, I unpack all the different sleep types called chronotypes: Transform Your Morning Routine

The benefits of sleep:

• Sleep keeps you healthy and helps keep away sickness.
• It helps you stay at a healthy weight.
• Your risk for serious long term health problems is reduced.
• The amount of stress you endure can be lessened and sleep can make you more JOYFUL!
• Your creativity can flourish when your brain gets enough rest to recharge.
• It can aid in social settings helping you have more patience and in turn, get along better with people (and your kids).
• Sleep can help you make good decisions and not be as impulsive.

Exercise

My body and my brain love to move. In fact, when they don’t, I’m not very fun to be around. I’m sad, don’t have patience, start to have self-harming thoughts and climb into my little turtle shell. It’s really bad. Not everyone is like this, but we know that moving our bodies benefits everyone.

Incorporating physical activity into your day is similar to the benefits of sleep as it’s good for your health in a multitude of ways, helps you get that vital quality sleep, is a happifier (totally my fictitious word, but I know you get me!) and a de-stressor.

The benefits of Exercise and How Beneficial It Is To Our Brains

Exercise is also incredibly beneficial for our brains! It has positive effects on brain function from the molecular to behavioral level. This is what exercise does to the incredible organ in our noggin:

• Exercise facilitates information processing and memory functions. There is also an increased amount of cell growth in the hippocampus which is the part of the brain that is responsible for learning and remembering things. Learn more in the study published in the US National Library of Medicine. 
• When we exercise, our heart rate increases resulting in more oxygen being pumped to the brain.
• Exercise helps the body release hormones which provide a nourishing environment for brain cell growth.
  A study from UCLA shows that physical activity stimulates brain plasticity (the ability of the brain to change its connections or re-wire itself) by triggering the growth of new connections between cells in important parts of the brain. Exercise makes it easier for the brain to grow new neural pathways.
• We get a jolt of happy energy. The reason is that when we work out hard, our stress hormones actually drop. Scientists have found that while people experience exercise euphoria, their brains are exposed to excessive amounts of drug-like opioids (found in this article on Very Well Mind).

Exercise Motivators

It’s hard to get motivated to exercise mainly because of the time it takes. Here are some quick and easy things to do that will hopefully help you gain all the benefits of moving our bodies above:

• Schedule it | Write it down on a planner or put it on your phone calendar. Do your best to work it into your schedule.
• Make realistic goals | Goals are great but keep them realistic. Start out easy then work up to bigger goals.
• Track your workouts | There are so many apps out on the market that make it incredibly easy to track your exercise.
• Find a tribe | Find others you can work out with or who will keep you accountable. It’s harder not to show up when someone else is counting on you.
• Reward yourself | What about a spa day, a yummy protein drink or a special day out with a girlfriend? If extrinsic motivators work for you, then go for it!
• Do something FUN! | As much as I know weightlifting is beneficial to our bodies, I just can’t do it because I don’t find it fun. I might do a little here and there, but I rather go to a crazy group fitness class or find workouts to do on huge boulders in the mountains. Find what you enjoy doing!

Love (and relationships)

As humans, we need to love and be loved. Putting effort into our relationships with our spouses and our friends takes work that is more than worth it. To build strong relationships we need to develop empathy, positivity for each other and build a strong emotional connection.

According to Harvard Medical School, “Good connections can help improve health and longevity.”

The Benefits of Relationships

These are the benefits of having healthy relationships and focusing on having a little more love in your life. This is still a form of self-care even though it involves others.

1. Having close friendships and a good marriage make you feel supported.
2. Healthy relationships give us pleasure.
3. Research has shown that people who have gratifying relationships with family, friends, and their community are happier, have fewer health problems and live longer!
4. On the contrary, when we don’t invest in relationships, we tend to become more depressed and experience a faster cognitive decline.
5. Loving relationships relieve stress which we should know by now that increases our overall health.
6. The benefits affect both parties – the receiver and the giver and vice versa.
7. Cultivating healthy relationships ultimately brings us joy.

*and find a friend who will pretend to be doing self-care with you in the kitchen (how gorgeous is her kitchen?!) holding a coffee mug even though she doesn’t drink coffee and apparently doesn’t know how to hold say coffee mug, either.

Fun

We can’t forget to bring on the fun. It has all the same benefits as above. Find what you are passionate about and gifted in doing. It can be an organized activity or literally just dancing around in your kitchen!

Participate in a monthly painting class, go on a hike (another favorite of mine!), draw, dance, include your kids with a super fun activity like whipping each other with balls (note: it was fun, but really hurt so do with caution), or do anything that makes you belly laugh and enjoy life.

The Benefits of Having Fun

Of course, there are benefits to having fun! Most all hit on the same exact things as everything listed above. These are found on Heel That Pain:

1. Your stress gets lessened! | Man, after doing all these things, your stress levels should be packing up and heading off to Hawaii! Ha!
2. Serotonin levels are increased | This chemical is the one that regulates basic processes – mood, sleep, memory, and body temperature.
3. The ability to cope better | BINGO! Exactly what we’re trying to accomplish by focusing on “MYSELF”. Having fun can help you tap into your calm zone.
4. More energy | Spending time doing activities you enjoy helps you feel less tired and more mentally awake.
5. Improves Memory and Concentration | Having fun reduces cortisol and increases serotonin helps with the memory and clears your mind.
6. Creates stronger connections | I can tell you that posing for a picture using a remote and tripod brought so much joy and laughter connecting me to my dear friend even more than we already were. Our brains got in sync with each other bringing us both so much joy. We need social connection and that bond is stronger when there are laughter and fun involved.
7. More quality sleep | Because your stress levels are decreased, your body can sleep better.
8. Creates more positive patterns in your day to day | Once you get in the habit of having fun, it becomes a continuous cycle of joy.

Now if that isn’t self care, I don’t know what is!

Free Mini eBook

Because I’m so passionate about helping other mamas making sure they’re getting the self AND soul care they need, I created a little book. Fill out the form below to have it sent to your email!

How are you focusing on “MYSELF”? 

I really hope this acronym and post helps you find more joy in your everyday life.

If things start to feel out of wack or you feel down, think about what is missing from your “MYSELF” and give that area a little TLC.  I’d love to hear what you do to help keep the balance of being a human and raising humans.

Comment below!

Originally published Dec 1, 2018, and updated July 13, 2019