The Scary Truth About Sending Kids Back to School & What Experts Say to Do

Inside: Parents are at such a crossroads with what to do with their children’s education. Sending kids back to school can feel scary. I interviewed experts from The Childhood Collective on ways we can help our concerns and move forward in a healthy way. And don’t forget to download your Emergency Emotional Toolbox.

My mom-friend recently sent me the document she got from her children’s school outlining how the school will function when it reopens the doors. Her text to me said, “This feels like prison.” 

She’s not the only one who feels this way.

In the past month or so, I don’t think I’ve gone a day without seeing or hearing parents posing questions about whether or not to send their kids back to school or whether or not schools are going to reopen. Many of these parents are really contemplating keeping their kids home regardless if they work or not. 

This is a hot topic because education matters. Our kids social and emotional development matters. How we interact in this world and what we learn matters. How we overcome adversity and scary times matter not only for the time being but for our future; for our kids’ development and for their future well-being. 

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Parents’ Concerns About Kids Returning to School

I posed the question, “What is your biggest concern about kids returning to school when schools reopen?” on my personal Facebook page as well as a Facebook group I’m in. I got an overwhelming amount of insightful responses. 

Here are some of the comments I received from moms:  

“Wearing masks all day and our kids not getting the exercise they need by being stuck in the same room all day at a desk. Our kids even have to eat lunch in the room. The cafeteria staff will be bringing the food to them. Will they even get bathroom breaks or will those be limited too?” Danielle Phelps,  Holistic Life & Business Coach

“So many questions what the school year will look like – concerns about the schedule, it then changing, mandatory masks, mandatory temperature checks, social distancing what that would look like, no specials (we pay for his education to be above and beyond so what are we paying for if he doesn’t get what we originally “signed up for”), mandatory va-x — all of which we could navigate one by one, but as a whole, I think this year is so unstable from ‘what to expect'” Heather Shriver Burns, Mindset and Business Strategist

“Consistency. Having the district decide on a plan, then having to change it because of a rise in cases. Also not going back full time. Our district is considering a plan where they go one or a few days a week…my kids cannot handle the constant transition.” Connie S. Hurlburt, Online Health & Wellness Coach and Digital Media Marketing Strategist

“…Concerned about mental health for everyone, kids, teachers, families. This is still real and affecting everyone. Will everyone be anxious? Will kids be stressed? Acting out more in class? Will the environment be as good for learning as it was before this happened? Or is staying home better, for now, to be with family? Many of the staff, teachers even could be very anxious, scared, could even have lost family members or have had personal experiences with the virus. That’s a lot to go through and expect to go back to work like usual.” ~Amy, RN working with COVID patients
 

“The use of face masks and the physical distance as that’ll affect teaching and their [the children’s] sense of self.” Zoia, Natural Nutrition Health Coach

“The stress and chaos have me the most worried. I will be keeping kids home because of this more than my health concerns.” Jasmine Holdren

“I hate the idea of mandatory masks…and temperature checks and social distancing and anything else that will give young children anxiety. My son has fought a battle with chronic strep throat a few years back. I saw many doctors, shed a lot of tears, and spent a ton of money getting his immune system back on track. We now see an amazing chiropractor and he takes daily supplements and hasn’t had it since but…I refuse to start at square one again. I keep reading that strep is on the rise from wearing masks due to bacteria growth inside the mask. I just can’t fathom making him wear a mask…it gives me anxiety. My question is what if a child passes out from wearing a mask at school? And honestly how effective will they be? What if some kids parents never wash them or don’t provide clean ones? What if the kids touch them all day? 🤷🏻‍♀️”  Echo Muncie, Former Preschool/Daycare Co-Director

“That my oldest child’s anxiety is going to go through the roof.” Jenn Paterson

Teachers’ Concerns About These Uncertain Times

With so many concerns about teachers, I reached out to a friend, Amanda Kortright, who is a school improvement consultant/coach. She wrote this post on Facebook, “You know what would be neat? If an article said, ‘Here’s what experts say schools should look like next year.’ And then those experts that they went on to quote WERE TEACHERS. Teachers. Teachers are experts on school.” 

I couldn’t write this post about sending kids back to school without including what teachers’ concerns are as well. Amanda does a great job at summarizing what she has seen in the education communities.

Amanda writes: 

“Every teacher I have spoken with is worried about their students and the learning gaps that have and that will widen. The abrupt end to the year caused havoc to their systems of delivering instruction and to student achievement growth.

They are all busy this summer (no extra pay, of course) trying to figure out how to assess the kids and catch them up! All are worried about the most disadvantaged, obviously. Some kiddos get their only hug or meal of the day at school.

Some want to go back face-to-face because they haven’t had any training in how to deliver instruction virtually. Despite the fact that there are record numbers of teachers spending their own time online in training on how to do so, they don’t even know if they’ll be delivering the content remotely or in-person because no one in government can make up their mind. 

And don’t get me started on the two days on/three days off “blended” learning plans. Teachers are not being included in the conversation unless they have an awesome superintendent who wants to hear from them. How do they plan on teachers delivering instruction if they don’t know whether or not it’ll be on Zoom/Google Meets or in person? 

And if teachers and students are in the classroom, that forces a whole new method of delivering instruction because of all of the regulations/rules. 

Here are a few questions to ponder, ‘How do teachers teach reading when kids can’t see their mouths because of having to wear a mask? How does a teacher put 30 first graders in a small classroom and keep them 6 feet apart? How do they give the kids recess or gym class and keep them from spreading the virus?’

And I’ve seen some districts that cancelled recess altogether; a teacher’s worst nightmare. 

Since masks mute voices, many teachers are also buying (with their own money) sound projection mic systems. Others are purchasing the mics that will record their voices to live feeds because their districts have ordered them to deliver instruction to kids who are sick at home, whose parents aren’t comfortable, or who have immunity issues. All of this is expected with no technology training. 

Some teachers are terrified for their lives. New York City Schools stayed open one week longer than most other districts in the spring. They were worried about sending the most disadvantaged home to abusive households, homes with no food, etc. (Educators get sick to their stomachs in June for some of their kiddos for the same reason.) NYCSD lost 68 teachers/staff/lunch ladies/bus drivers/principals as a result because they died in March/April from COVID.

Some can’t bear the thought of homeschooling their own kids while delivering online instruction.

Some are worried they will bring COVID home to their own families – grandparents, immune-compromised kids, etc. They are praying for online instruction.

Some believe it’s a hoax and no worse than the flu. But they do know they get strep throat, colds, the flu 2-3 times a year because schools are cesspools of germs.

Bottom line: Teachers MUST be included in the conversation. Many teachers are feeling left out. This is not new. Only the wisest administrators/community leaders/politicians bring teachers to the table for education talks. And politicians (on both sides) typically bring in business people to decide on big issues – like state learning standards and testing. Lastly, teachers absolutely don’t make enough money for what their jobs require and compared to other professions that require the same higher education and licensure requirements.

From what I see and hear, most teachers have the safety and learning of their students on their minds and hearts.” 

Parents And Teachers Are Worried

Only days after I was seeking out answers on this topic, it really started to explode all over Facebook. Parents and teachers alike are worried and many are fearful for a myriad of reasons.

After reading through hundreds of other posts, this is what I’m seeing that parents are most concerned about:

1. Kids getting sick, dying or spreading it to at-risk populations. 
2. Schools not reopening at all; or on the flip side, that schools will open.
3. The social and emotional health of our young kids because of social isolation, mask-wearing, lack of play and recess, being stuck in the same room all day, no bathroom breaks, not being able to see facial expressions, not being able to make new friends, and a break in connection between teacher and child. 
4. Being able to survive at home because of feeling like in-person school is not an option.
5. Disruption to schedules and routines.
6. No real learning will take place or kids will continue to fall behind. 
7. The teachers’ mental and physical health or that teachers will quit. 
8. Kids being able to social distance and how that will be enforced.
9. The chemicals they will use to clean and the carbon dioxide inhaled all day in a mask.  
10. Special needs being met or educational issues with kids with IEP or 504 plans. 
11. Parents’ own anxieties and fears about all the changes.
12. Kids who rely on schools for their well-being.

The Scary Truth

The scary truth about sending kids back to school is the uncertainty. 

No one knows what is going to happen nor do we know the implications our decisions are going to have on our kids’ overall development or how it will affect our precious teachers.

The plans and rules are constantly changing.

Every time an email comes through from the school, parents hold their breath to see what new restrictions or rules are being proposed. In-person school start dates in some states are already getting pushed back and some schools are planning on starting virtually then moving to in-person when they are given the permission to do so. 

There is no concrete plan nor can there be. This is not a situation where a one-size-fits-all approach will work. There is going to be trial and error and hopefully it’s not at the cost of our kids’ and teachers’ emotional and/or physical health. 

Another scary truth about sending kids back to school is that we don’t know what the residual effects of social isolation, mask wearing, increased level of anxiety, and abrupt changes are going to have. How are these changes going to affect the future? 

What Can Parents Do? 

I keep seeing concerns but not much about what we should be doing.

For a better insight into what we can do, I interviewed mental health experts with The Childhood Collective. Their online parenting site (and amazing Instagram feed) is run by two psychologists and a speech-language pathologist. I wanted to get their professional insight on…

What can we do to help our kids come out on the other side of this pandemic as resilient, gritty, and emotionally strong individuals?!

You will see I categorized the questions so you can scroll down and find the information that will be most helpful for you and your family. All the italicized questions are what I asked the experts at The Childhood Collective and the information provided is all written by them.

Lastly, I wasn’t planning on making a printable, but I just wanted to have something you could print, hold, and use to write down your feelings to help you overcome these challenging times as a parent who cares deeply about your children. I named it The Emergency Emotional Toolbox so you can have some very practical tools to use.

Download: If you need something to help you walk your child through this time, download The Emergency Emotional Toolbox. It’s a quick little worksheet that helps you get your feelings out and gives you reminders on how to be your child’s emotion coach.

Disclaimer: The responses provided are opinions of The Childhood Collective unless otherwise noted. The information provided is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any type of medical condition and is not intended as personalized medical or psychological advice. Any decision you make regarding you and your family’s health and medical treatments should be made with a qualified healthcare provider.

Communicating With Kids About Going Back to School and All of The Changes

How should parents talk to kids about all the upcoming changes? Are there phrases to avoid or does it depend on the child?

HOW To Communicate To Kids

Anytime we are sharing important information with children, we want to consider that what we are saying is just as important as how we are saying it. Children are amazingly in-tune with us… often more than we realize! 

If our stress, frustration, worry, or discomfort with the upcoming changes moves our conversations from factual to emotional, our children will respond accordingly. So, first and foremost, we must talk with our children about these changes when we are in an emotional state that allows us to convey the information in the most accurate way possible. 

This is not to say that we can’t acknowledge the challenges of the present situation (indeed, we must in order to validate their experiences and feelings!), but we must take care to ensure that our message isn’t lost in translation because of the way it is delivered. 

Yes, this is often easier said than done!

What To Communicate to Kids

When it comes to the content of this conversation, keep it factual and developmentally appropriate. 

Help your child get a picture of what a typical day in the classroom or at home may look like, and supplement with developmentally-appropriate details about why it will look like this. Do your best to convey confidence and reassurance that the adults are doing their best to keep kids healthy and happy through these tough times.

Finally, once you’ve talked through these changes with your child, provide the space for questions.

Many times, what we anticipate will be an issue is not a concern for our child. Similarly, we may not anticipate certain questions or concerns that they have. Providing a space or “check-in time” regularly as the time approaches to return to school (whether physically or through distance learning), is just as important as your initial conversation.

Emotional Concerns

How do we help kids recover emotionally?

Become Your Child’s Emotion Coach

As the pandemic wears on, you’re not alone if you are seeing big emotions bubbling over in your child. The most important thing to keep in mind is that all feelings are allowed. 

One of the ways you can best support your child emotionally during these times is to be an emotion coach for them. This entails allowing all feelings (though not all behaviors are acceptable), labeling and validating the feelings you observe, listening to hear rather than respond, and providing a safe space for your child to problem-solve.

To provide an example, you may be tempted to say something like, “I’ve already told you, you can’t see your friends! It’s not safe. I don’t want to keep repeating myself!” This statement shuts down the emotion. Your child may stop talking to you about it, but that doesn’t mean the underlying emotion goes away.

A more helpful, emotion coaching alternative would be, “You seem upset. It’s hard when you can’t see friends the same way you used to. I miss my friends, too. Even if we can’t see friends in person, I’m wondering if you have an idea about how we can make this all a little bit easier?” With this statement, you are labeling and validating their feelings. You are holding the same boundary (which, in this case, is not being able to see friends in person), but you are opening the door to problem-solving rather than shutting your child down.

Read Next: 5 Steps To Raise a Child With Emotional Intelligence

Fostering Resilience

How do we help our kids become resilient during this time instead of emotionally damaged?

Emotion Coaching and Finding Passion-Igniting Activities

Emotion coaching, again, is a great way to foster resilience. It empowers children to manage their tough feelings and engage in helpful problem-solving. 

Another great way to foster resilience during this time is to find activities that excite and ignite your child’s passion. Time that used to be invested elsewhere (sports, carpools, outings, etc.) can now be poured into other things that build your child up. 

Encourage them to pick-up that hobby that has been on the back-burner or go “all-in” with something they already love. Doing something you love, and doing it well, is a great way to build resilience and protect emotional well-being.

Read Next: 7 Attributes Kids Need To Build Resilience & Overcome Challenges

Choosing the Best Schooling Option

What are some considerations to take when deciding to 1.) send kids to school 2.) keep them at home for homeschool 3.) do online distance learning?

Do What Will Work Best for You and Your Child

This is where I encourage parents with the… “You know your child best.”

The fact of the matter is that, right now, there is no perfect answer. There probably won’t ever be.

You must consider your child’s personality, temperament, skill level, etc. You must also consider your personality, interest level, and availability! This is a situation where it may actually be helpful to write down your options, consider the advantages and disadvantages of each, and proceed with confidence knowing there is no perfect answer.

Try to find a good enough answer based on your family’s circumstances.

Handling Change and Transition

How to help kids with constant change and transitions? How do we help kids with transition especially those who are neurodiverse and already may face more challenges?

Reframe, Hold Constant and Have Open Conversations

How does that saying go? Something like… “The only constant in life is change.”

I like to reframe all of these changes as an opportunity rather than a detriment.

Our kids are learning how to adapt and manage changes. Some will do this better than others, but we as parents have the capacity to help them weather this storm.

My first piece of advice would be to hold constant as much as possible. Have open conversations with your kids about how things are changing and that you’re here to help them. But also point out how much hasn’t changed.

Keep essential routines firm, like bedtime, mealtimes, and mornings together.

When change is inevitable, do your best to prepare your child by doing some pre-teaching. This may include talking about what to expect, talking through possible scenarios, and role-playing if your child needs that level of support. Oh, and can I circle back again to the importance of being an emotion coach? That, too, will help during times of inevitable change.

Benefits of Keeping Kids In School (If Schools Reopen)

What are the benefits of keeping kids in school even if there are going to be so many changes like mandatory mask-wearing, no specials, no recess, strict social distancing rules, etc? Or do you think it’s better for parents to homeschool if they have the means to do?

Attune To Your Child’s Needs

Again, this is very family specific.

At the time that I am writing this, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has actually urged for the goal of children returning to in-person schooling, citing the academic, social, and emotional well-being of children. EDITED: The AAP came out with a new statement urging for a safe return stating, “Public health agencies must make recommendations based on evidence, not politics.”

There are children that are greatly feeling the effects of social isolation, experiencing abuse in the home, and reporting increased symptoms of depression and suicidal ideation. These are all important things to consider when making the best decision for your family.

It’s hard to say what exactly the in-person school day will look like; these are very district-specific things. So, again, I urge families to stay as up-to-date as much as possible with their district’s plans in order to make a decision that sits well with their family.

Coping Skills For Kids

What are coping skills parents should be focusing on teaching their kids? Do you have resources for this?

Self-Calming and Relaxation Strategies

The importance of self-calming and relaxation strategies cannot be understated. These are some of the most overlooked life skills that come in handy on a daily basis.

We have a free Relaxation for Kids guide for families that provides different relaxation strategies for kids of all ages, including deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and guided imagery.

There are some great online resources for guided imagery and relaxation. A quick Google search for relaxation tools/apps will reveal tons of options! Some apps for kids include Calm, Smiling Minds, and Headspace.

I would also recommend that families talk with their kids about other helpful coping strategies, such as physical movement, mindfulness, and connecting with friends. Depending on your child’s age, you may even make a “menu” of coping skill options to help in stressful times and remind your child that there are tools at their fingertips.

Psssst: Check out Generation Mindful’s amazing tools! They have a game called Peacemakers that builds emotional IQ, a Time-In Toolkit, a plush toy collection called SnuggleBuddies, and an Online Positive Parenting class that all focus on teaching emotional health and coping skills to kids. Should we be concerned about kids not being able to see facial expressions? If so, what can parents do to help kids adapt or gain social skills?

Mask-Wearing Effects on Social-Emotional Health

What effects do you think mask-wearing will have on emotional health? Not being able to see facial expressions, be able to hear as well, etc?

Use Books or Other Tools and Practice

It’s really hard to predict how this will play out for our children.

However, keep in mind there are some countries with residents that regularly wear masks due to air quality (granted, not usually in the classroom).

Encourage your children to notice how people communicate what they are feeling outside of what their mouth does, including other facial cues, gestures, words spoken, and tone of voice.

If your child is in need of extra support, foster social and emotional understanding with books and educational shows. Make the experience interactive by making observations and asking questions (though be careful not to overdo it here!).

Make sure to allow time to practice wearing a mask before having to wear it at school all day. Your child will likely feel more confident and comfortable interacting with others in a mask if they have had time to adapt to it at home first.

Signs of Anxiety or Depression

What are signs parents should look for that their child is experiencing too much stress or if it’s turning into anxiety or depression? When should a parent seek professional help?

What to Look For

I always encourage parents to err on the side of seeking help if they think their child may need extra support.

You may consider seeking professional help if you notice:

• changes to your child’s sleeping or eating habits
• your child seems more fearful
• your child is more tearful or emotional; your child frequently complains of physical pain/symptoms with no clear cause
• they express to you thoughts of self-harm or suicidal ideation
• they spend more time in isolation
• they stop finding pleasure in things they once enjoyed.

Again, parents, you know your child best. If something seems “off” or you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it may be time to seek a professional opinion. Many psychologists, therapists, and counselors are offering telehealth services from the comfort of your own home. If you’re ready to take that next step, we have a blog with tips about finding the right counselor for your child.

Thank you to The Childhood Collective for these incredible tips!

Additional Concerns

Do you have any concerns that weren’t covered? Comment below and I’ll try to do a follow-up post to address those.

And don’t forget to download the Emergency Emotional Toolbox to write out your thoughts and feelings to help walk your children through this time.

If have decided or are considering keeping your kids home for their education, check out 7 Practical Tips for Homeschooling and Working Full Time. Also included is a course that can really help working parents maintain sanity and emotional health for their whole family. It’s called  “Work From Home With Kids And Thrive.” Enter the PROMO code: THRIVE25 for 25% off! We are going to have to make changes to make it through this thing without detrimental emotional scars. Thank goodness we were created to be resilient (with the right tools)!

And if you’re looking for online educational resources, download my free Master Home Education Resources eBook. It’s loaded with over 200 resources!

Encourage More Parents!

As I mentioned this is a very popular topic as I see constant posts and comments about parents’ concerns and worries in regards to sending their kids back to school. As they should be!

These tips that The Childhood Collective have provided can really help a lot of people but will only be seen if you share. Share in parent groups you’re in, with your school groups, or any other social media channel. Thank you so much!!!