My little brother is seven years younger than I am. When he was around three or four, the Christmas season caused him to become an anxious child. Because of his personality, there were one too many completely innocent “Santa-is-watching-you’s” amongst other stressors my parents were completely unaware of until he couldn’t control his emotions.
Eventually, they had one of “Santa’s elves” (pre-Elf on the Shelf Days!) bring him a special early Christmas surprise. I remember being just as excited even though I personally knew the elf {*wink*wink*}.
We tiptoed down the basement stairs together to find a Power Wheels Quad. Knowing that he wasn’t actually bad helped his anxiety dissipate.
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As parents, we don’t intentionally add extra stress to our kids during the holidays. But if you think about it, there is pressure for them to behave well.
Table of Contents
Pressure During Christmas
“You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout I’m telling you why…”
Think about those lyrics. And if that’s not enough, in most homes there is now even an elf that is always watching AND reporting back to Santa.
Where does it end?!!!! Ahhhhhh!
I’m totally kidding! I just like being dramatic.
I’m not anti-Santa or anti-elf, because we are all about Santa in this house.
As I get into what we can do to help our kids with their holiday anxiety, I wouldn’t suggest forcing your older child to sit on Santa’s lap. Ahem, like we did. Toddlers are free game though, right? Totally joking!!! We did make sure he was okay afterward in which he gave Santa a big high five. He just didn’t want to sit on or near him. That’s fair.
In the past, we always had an elf but have decided he is more useful staying at the North Pole to help Santa because it was causing way too much stress on our kids. We told them that they could create a landing pad anywhere in the house if they wanted the elf to come – giving them full control of the decision.
One of our boys has Generalized Anxiety, which manifests into angry physical outbursts. The last thing we wanted to do is to exacerbate those feelings. Besides, Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
For some kids, Christmas is already too much then you add lights, sounds, commotion and events that come with this season.
Quick Tip: If your child has angry outbursts, meltdowns, or struggles with self-regulation, download your free Calm Down Toolkit when you sign up for my newsletter.
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is our body’s natural response to stress.
A statistic I found from the National Institute of Mental Health is that 1 in 8 children have anxiety. And less than 1% of kids get professional help for a multitude of reasons.
Read that again.
There are many types of anxiety. What they all have in common is the feeling of panic and/or fear of something that may not even be a threat, not being able to remain calm especially in times of high stress, having shortness of breath, heart palpitations, tension and there can also be feelings of nausea, sleeplessness, and dizziness.
I read the Power of Different by Gail Saltz, M.D. which I highly recommend! She goes through the challenges of people face who have brain differences, but also the strengths they have that can help them thrive and do far greater things than a neuro-typical person.
In the book, she explains that anxiety involves an array of behaviors and experiences. Every person is wired to have a stress response when they feel a threat. People who have anxiety may have the same physical feelings as a non-anxious person, but the thoughts in their minds usually take a negative turn.
Read Next: 18 Ways To Help Your Child Calm Down
Babies Can Be Born With Anxiety
Harvard psychologist and “father of temperament”, Jerome Kagan found that brains may be hardwired for anxiety. Following people from birth to adulthood in a longitudinal study, he found that babies who showed signs of being stressed out by simple things grew to be anxious adults.
The Magnetic Resonance Imaging also showed that they had thicker cortexes. Interesting!
I can attest to this with our anxious child (especially at Christmas). Even at a young age, he was afraid of everything – toys that moved or talked, people in costumes, strangers and certain sounds.
More research needs to be done to figure out if anxious people develop thicker cortexes or vice versa.
The environment can and does play a part, but I think it’s important for us to realize that our kids could be born this way. With this knowledge, we can help our anxious-prone children during Christmas, birthdays and every day of the year!
Where Anxiety Is Found In The Brain
Lastly, cognitive scientists at UC Berkeley have pinpointed anxiety. The contributing factors to anxiety are:
- Overactive Amygdala | The amygdala is the part of the brain where the primal fight or flight reflex occurs. We talk to our anxious child about his amygdala a lot!
- Underactive Ventral Prefrontal Cortex | Secondly, the neural part of our brain that aids in overcoming fears and worries, the ventral prefrontal cortex, isn’t mobilized. It’s hard for the person to access this part of the brain whenever fear is present.
Ring any bells for you?
Kids with and without Generalized Anxiety can experience anxiety and extra stress during the holidays.
Taking all this into consideration, kids (and adults alike) who already have anxious brain wiring may not be able to handle all the commotion (and joy and fun and excitement) Christmas brings. And kids who don’t have this brain difference can also develop anxiety as they become overwhelmed.
Related: Calm Down Kit Ideas To Help Kids Manage Big Feelings
Anxiety During The Holidays
For adults and kids alike, November through January often disrupts regular routines. I know I keep mentioning Christmas but this goes for any holiday celebrated in the month of December.
It’s a more expensive time of year and the task demands are never-ending. Because of this, it’s good to take a look at the common triggers or reasons for kids’ anxiety during this time.
Common Triggers
- Change of schedule
- Seeing people and/or family your child hasn’t seen in a long time
- Socially demanding events
- Over-stimulation of lights and sounds
- Lack of sleep
- Traveling long distances and sleeping somewhere else
- The weather (not necessarily here in AZ as we still get plenty of sunshine. I came from the cold so I soak every single ray up!)
- Family tension brought up because of the holidays
- Financial stress
- Santa! Continuously being “watched” for good or bad behavior
7 Signs That Your Child is Anxious at Christmas
If your child is showing signs of frustration, sadness, or is uncharacteristically irritable, it may mean anxiety is present. Because the holidays can add extra stress, anxiety usually manifests into physical ailments as well.
Here are common symptoms to look out for:
- Frequent Meltdowns or Sensory Tantrums | To figure out if these are actually a problem, keep track of every meltdown and tantrum easily on your phone or in a notebook. Look for patterns so you can mitigate the anxiety.
- Sleep problems | Sleep can be affected by anxiety but also cause anxiety if there’s not enough. A vicious cycle is bound to happen without proper sleep.
- Pain |Anxiety often presents itself as psychosomatic complaints such as stomachaches, headaches, unexplained muscle aches, and other physical pain. Anxiety can also cause a rash.
- Other Physical Sensations | In addition to pain, anxiety can turn into arguing, crying, fleeing from situations, biting nails, pulling out hair or what I did as a kid was profusely scratch myself.
- Anger | Oftentimes intense anger is actually anxiety in a child who doesn’t have the emotional regulation skills to cope.
- Social Avoidance | If your child doesn’t want to go to school or public places, anxiety may be the culprit. Kids will often isolate themselves so they don’t have to face the scary feelings.
- Frequent Questions | “What if’s” out of the wazoo! Anxious kids often present questions concerning safety and ask the same questions over and over again.
Read Next: 18 Ways To Help Your Child Calm Down
What You Can Do To Help Your Anxious Child At Christmas Time
Growing up, Christmas may have been a certain way. You may have incredible memories that you want to replicate. The problem with this is that it can often give unrealistic expectations for your current family. You may not have anticipated having to help an anxious child especially at Christmas which is why I bring you good news!
There are many ways you can help your anxious child minimize or avoid stress altogether!
- Educate your kids (and yourself) |Teach your kids what anxiety is, how it affects their brains, and how to problem-solve.
- Set a focus for the season | Ideas include Christmas memories, celebrating the seasons of change or the true meaning of Christmas then planning events accordingly.
- Plan ahead and communicate it to your kids | There is so much to do in the community, at school, in your city or town. Instead of going to everything you can, let your kids be part of the plan and put it on a calendar so they can anticipate what is next.
- Do more activities with only your family | Savor this time of year by making memories in the walls of your house.
- Teach your kids to focus on the present moment | By doing this, kids can keep worrying feelings at bay. Mindfulness techniques work too.
- Be open to change | Try your best to go with the flow. Approach the holidays with an open mind.
- Be realistic | Have a realistic mindset on what can and can’t be accomplished this time of year. For example, kids who are very impulsive may need more structure to minimize disruptive behavior. Have a realistic plan to fall back on.
- Take a break | Ask for help and realize Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect. Say no to things so you can say yes to what’s most important. Ask for help!
- Seek medical attention if needed | Don’t forget this is always an option if can’t be managed at home.
- Stay Alive 101 | Try your best to sleep, eat healthily, drink water, and exercise. This is for both you and your children even when it’s hard to do surrounded by candy canes, party food, and events around the clock.
- Take natural supplements | We have found using natural herbs and spices helps tremendously with balancing neurotransmitters in the brain. As found in this article by Lyfe Botanicals, turmeric has the ability to modulate serotonin and dopamine. Ashwagandha, maca root, and licorice root all have similar benefits as well.
- Reduce Screen Time | I know it’s an easy go-to for entertainment, but screens can exacerbate anxiety by over-activating the autonomic nervous system and increasing cortisol, the stress hormone.
- Laugh and drink hot cocoa! | We may only get a limited amount of holiday seasons with our kids. Cherish every moment. Slow down, play games, laugh, and don’t forget the hot cocoa (sans the sugar for some of our kids and us, of course!). Hot chocolate solves problems.
Read Next: The Perfect Holiday Gift Guide for Your Little Maker or Creator
The Reason for the Season
With all of this said it’s always good to remind ourselves what this season is truly about. We were given the greatest gift from God, Jesus, and we have the privilege to celebrate his birth.
Despite all the flashing lights (literally) and Christmas music, by showing our kids our love and what truly matters during this season, it can be enjoyed by all.
The true meaning of Christmas is love.
Grab the precious little gift you are so incredibly blessed to have and love him or hard. Open your kids’ eyes to what giving and helping others means and can feel like. Spend as much time as you can together creating memories that will last a lifetime. Lastly, from my photographer’s heart, be purposeful and take lots of pictures!
How do you help your child who is more anxious around Christmas?
Comment below or email me at adriane@raisingkidswithpurpose.com.
Originally published on December 18, 2018. Updated on November 29, 2019
Hello!!! I’m Adriane. I’m a mom to three loud boys, am a research-a-holic and very passionate person who writes at Raising Kids With Purpose. Parenting can feel so hard sometimes but with mindset shifts and understanding, it can be very enjoyable. My hope is to inspire parents like you to create lifelong connections with your children and enjoy the journey along the way!
Sarah says
These are such great tips for kids to manage any sort of anxiety. I think we all forget how busy the holidays are. Thank you! I will share these with my mom friends
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!
Erin says
Great post! This tips are great to getting people thinking of how overwhelming the holidays can be sometimes.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thanks! Yes, already overwhelming then even worse for kiddos with anxiety 🙁
Lori Bosworth says
Yes, there are many kids who get anxious about Christmas. I agree that it doesn’t seem right to force a child to sit on Santa’s lap if s/he doesn’t want to!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
There is so much stimulation! and Santa can be a scary dude 😉 LOL!
Nicole Anderson | Camping for Women says
What a fabulous and comprehensive post on a subject that many parents may simply not be that aware of. I love the way you have broken this down so people can understand the reasons why children may feel so anxious during this time and propose strategies for effectively addressing these. You have definitely created a great resource here.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you so much for such a kind response! I’m thankful we’re becoming more aware of psychological health and what is and isn’t anxiety. It’s a good thing to look out for this time of year!
Abigail Balingasa says
This is really helpful. My 3-year old daughter is afraid of Santa, by applying the tips you shared I think I might alleviate that fear. Thanks!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you! It’s totally normal for kids that age to fear Santa. One thing we did that helped was to have santa talk to our toddler first or back into him versus walking him forward. That can be a scary sight for a little one.
serena hale says
There are so many children and adults that get anxious during the holidays. I know that I used to suffer from it as a child looking back at some of these symptoms. I wonder if my parents understood. Great tips to help with this as well.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
We have so much research at our disposal now. My parents had no idea I suffered from anxiety or OCD but instead I was viewed as overemotional and needed to “get over it.” Which I did but am thankful now for the awareness I have to help myself and to help my kids (and READERS!)
Dominique Brooks says
Wow! There is a lot of good information in this post! The holiday season is pretty laid back around our household — I think my kids have always known that they were getting things for Christmas no matter what. Birthdays were another story! Thank you for the information about anxiety
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
That’s awesome it’s laid back! We have gotten a little crazy in the past but do try to focus on family now!
Kristine Nicole Alessandra says
Very informative and well written post. Kids (and adults) do show some signs of anxiety during the holidays. I love your tips on how to help your child overcome feelings of anxiety. My parents never made us believe about Santa and his “watchful eye.” I did the same thing with my kids. We made them understand that the habit of spreading kindness and good behavior should be done all year round, not just during Christmas.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I love that message so much! Santa was definitely used to discipline when I was growing up. I never really believed in Santa though (or I have no memories of thinking he was real) so I struggle with the Santa Christmas magic for my own kids as it’s very important to my husband. We just make sure the message is about giving and spreading joy like you said!
Elena Toma says
I grew up with this kind of anxiety , specially around holidays. Mine was because of all the relatives that were visiting , I did not like that .I think sometimes we really forget what Christmas really means. As an adult I am still stressed when holidays are approaching , mostly because of all the family meetings and relentless question from their side. I am so happy to see that there are parents like you who actually realize that a child can be stressed and suffer from anxiety because of the holidays .
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe! I’m so sorry you have had to go through that. I don’t remember being stressed out at Christmas but I did have anxiety in general as a kid that was ignored. Thank you for your kind compliment. And as much as we may not want to “sit things out”, it may be best for our kids so we can make special memories and give to others – the true purpose of Christmas 🙂
Jaimie says
I’ve never thought about Christmas causing more anxiety in kids! This was eye opening! We are guilty of using Santa and our Elf to get the kids to behave but I think we need to tone that down a bit!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
LOL! Thanks for your honesty! Yes, it has always backfired. What I find works best is to explain, attune and help kids find intrinsic motivation to behave well.
Kristie says
These are such great tips! We often forget just how crazy things can be during the holidays. It’s important to be mindful and pay attention to those signs you mentioned. We will definitely be taking in lots of cocoa and laughs!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I hope you do!!!
Cousett Hoover says
Great post! My oldest did not like Santa in the past. He is getting into as he calls him “ho ho ho” this year so we will see how it goes. I can relate to the anxiety though.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
That’s so cute! My almost three-year-old calls him “holiday” this year. LOL!
Kam K says
Holidays can be pretty stressful, kids and grown ups can equally feel the stress. These are are some really great tips on how to avert the pressure and make the holidays more fun and cheerful for everyone.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Yes! I just posted an article on how moms can reduce stress!
Shayla Marie says
Thank you for this post, I’m really glad I read it so I can be on the lookout for anxiety with my children. I have 6 and suffer from anxiety myself, so I am always on the lookout for it in my children but I didn’t realize some of these ways that it manifests.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!! I had no idea that anxiety can manifest as anger. Now that we are aware of that, we’ve been able to give our son even more compassion and the right tools..
Marta says
I need this for myself! I become so anxious during the holidays.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I just posted one for reducing stress for moms.
Amber Hurley says
This is such a great post because often times we don’t even realize when our kid is going through anxiety.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I talk to parents all the time who have no idea! I had one friend whose teachers were telling her to get him evaluated for other learning differences but it was anxiety!
Tiffani says
Wow, this post totally hits home for us. With two of my three girls on the ASD spectrum, we definitely experience a lot of anxiety during the holidays!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
I’m sure you do. Our very special kiddos aren’t made for the over-stimulation!
Mama Bear Finance says
haha love that pic of your toddler crying!! My daughter is still a baby and we’re taking as many santa pics with her as possible while she’s still cooperative.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Awe! Yes, definitely do. I have a feeling he won’t like him this year either!
Drea says
I could not agree with this more. My daughter is 3 and is terrified of Santa , so I don’t really have anything Santa in the home or even mention him. It can be hard on them.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Your daughter is blessed to have such a mindful mama!
Cyndi Buchanan says
Such great advice! If adults can be overload around the holidays, can you imagine how much kids are overloaded?
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Agreed!
Kim says
Thank you for sharing! There was so much I learned about anxiety and children.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you! So happy it helped.
Sarah says
What’s always been important for my children and I know was important for me as a child. Not forcing them to be close, hug, kiss, etc family members they’re not comfortable with. If you don’t see them often it’s hard to remember at that age those family members and it can cause major anxiety.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
That’s SUCH a great added tip. Thank you!!! I couldn’t agree more. With us, we typically don’t have extended family to celebrate Christmas with as we live really far from family. However, this year we will be flying back “home” for the first time in 10 years so this is so good to keep in mind!
Stephanie says
This is wonderful read to keep Christmas fun and magical
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
That was my hope. Thank you!
Christine says
This is such a great breakdown on the science behind anxiety, especially for children! I had never thought of the holidays as being a stressful time for my kids, but this post has encouraged me to really be mindful of this
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
Thank you!
Katie Frazier says
My 7 month old had bad anxiety at Thanksgiving and only wanted me so I understand all of this. ❤️
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
7 months? Oh sweet babe! This is so great that you are aware though! We had no idea!
Catherine says
Such important points . MY kid is a bit sensitive and gets anxious before holiday so so we try to keep things chill and not make a huge deal out of Santa. WE definitely don’t do the “he’s watching” thing. Great advice that many people don’t think about!
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
It’s so important to be attuned to what and how our kids are feeling! Thanks for sharing!
Vidya says
now my kids are teens and they know who wrote those letters.. while they were not anxious around the holidays, this will definitely help all those parents who need it
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
That’s amazing they were able to enjoy the holidays!
Sonia Seivwright says
I would never had thought Kids have anxiety during Christmas. This was very good. I’m learning with this one.
Adriane (Raising Kids With Purpose) says
So much anxiety this time of year! Too much stimulation! I’m happy this was informative for you 🙂