My Kids Are Driving Me Crazy So I’m Doing These 4 Things!

Inside: Do you ever say this to yourself, “My kids are driving me crazy?” I sure have over this time of being stuck inside so here’s what I did to stay connected and not lose my mind!

I couldn’t get to the back door fast enough. As my hand turned the knob, the pressure started to release like I was opening the valve on top of an Instant Pot.

I let loose. But instead of a “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound, what came out of me was more of a high-pitched scream.

I screamed on top of my lungs right outside my back door.

From inside, my kids sat and watched me through the windows wide-eyed.

My physical body could no longer handle how I was feeling from my kids’ behavior, being trapped in the house, and being forced to be an introvert. All new territory. Ultimately, I thought my kids were driving me crazy to the point of completely losing my marbles.

Please note: I did explain to my boys afterward what happened and repaired any damage. They found humor in how I was acting. I also told them how it’s never good to bottle up emotions or they might end up scaring the neighbors like me. Oh, goodness.

Two days after this moment, I started to develop shingles on my scalp and left side of my face. Honestly, I thought it was deep cystic acne from all the stress. I was no longer in control of anything in my life or so it seemed.

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Why Are My Kids Are Driving Me Crazy?!

The first step to any emotional challenge is to figure out the why behind the behavior. The huge iceberg we can’t see beneath the surface.

I made an iceberg infographic in regard to child behavior for this post on why parenting is hard, but I realized that it can totally be applied to us parents too! Or at least me!

Crying, check.

Isolation, check.

Yelling, check.

Agression, check.

Tantrum, check if you count standing on the back porch screaming.

So what was causing all these “behaviors”? And why did I feel like my kids were driving me crazy?

This took quite the discovery to see what was beneath the surface.

It didn’t even really involve anything my kids did! Well, maybe a little. They had a focus of a hamster and weren’t exactly motivated to do what was on my agenda.

Paraphrased: They weren’t doing what I wanted when I wanted without considering how they were feeling even though their life just completely changed, too. I offered no empathy and threw everything I know about brain development or how to take care of myself out the window.

Instead of giving them the space they needed or focusing on connection, I kept pushing and pushing until I began to spiral out of control of my own thoughts and emotions.

I felt weary, exhausted, anxious, and out-of-my-mind-stressed because of mom guilt and a loss of control.

There were a whole lot of “should’ve’s” circling around in my mind.

“My kids should get started with school right at 9:00am.”

“I should be able to leave my house.”

“My house should stay clean all day.”

“We should all be acting thankful that we have each other and get to spend so much time together.”

“We should be able to do a fun craft that everyone enjoys doing.” And if I’m being really honest, I was hoping for those moments that I could capture and post to social media to show how we’re surviving and thriving during all of this. Yes, I’m totally giving myself a huge eye roll as I type this!

One last reason I got to the point of feeling like my kids were driving me crazy is because I was thrown into experiencing a brand new way of life. Stuck at home, with all males, nowhere to go and no friends to play with.

While I write this, we’re still in quarantine.

Everything is shut down including parks, libraries, schools, restaurants, national parks, organized sports, the gym (insert huge sad face here), and basically any place besides our house that we want to go to or do.

This is our reality for now and by bringing how I felt into perspective, I was able to chill out a little and start making some changes. You know, to avoid the whole screaming on the back porch incident.

How I Get My Kids to Stop Driving Me Crazy

It took some work but over the course of a few weeks, I was able to lean into God’s Word more, feel wrapped in His grace, and have a shift in my mindset.

The guilt, shame and loss of control slowly started to lift off of my shoulders.

Here are a few things that are helping me stay sane and not let my kids’ affect me as much.

1. I Get Crazy!

This may be a little unconventional but I have spent most of my life striving to be different.

I kid you not when I say, I get crazy.

Crazy as in fun, playful and silly.

Laugh

Anytime I start to feel the stress start to seep into my body, I begin to laugh uncontrollably. It’s scientifically proven that laughter is quite contagious and can completely change the mood of a room (or kitchen during school time).

If you know my kids, you should ask them about this new trait of mine. Ha! I may have scared my boys at first but it didn’t take long before they started laughing, too.

And if laughing doesn’t work, I dance.

Dance

Google Home is my best friend blasting KidzBop so I can shimmy around my kitchen island letting the music move me. Literally. Dancing for friends on Marco Polo and having them dance back also brings me joy.

Just yesterday, my oldest taught my son to say, “Can’t Touch This. Hammer Time,” so we spent at least an hour learning the lyrics while doing our best Hammer moves. “My, my, my, my music hits me so hard…”

Tell Puns and Jokes

If I can’t get my kids to make eye contact with me or listen to a word that’s coming out of my mouth, I begin to speak in puns and jokes.

How can my kids continue to ignore me when I’m telling them the corniest jokes ever?

Become an Animal

I told you I get crazy.

This one is most loved by my toddler who probably affects my emotions the most. His whining and crying over not getting a toy he wants has been getting under my skin more than I would like to admit.

So when my stress response is triggered and I’m ready to yell or feel like I want to shake him (please note: I don’t ever do this but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to sometimes), alternatively, I become a monkey.

Monkeys are the easiest to imitate but I’ve been a lion, snake, and even a mouse. It not only helps my kids listen but it prevents my amygdala from taking over. I can access my thinker part of my brain where creativity is also found.

So you may not want to turn into an animal and that’s okay. It took me a while to get there, too. Ha!

I do dare you to get crazy in one way or another though!

2. I Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is so powerful.

I always thought it was against my religion because I associated it with emptying the mind. Wow oh wow was I wrong. It’s actually about FILLING your mind with all things that are good just as the Bible teaches us. And you don’t even need to be a believer to practice mindfulness. It’s free and for all people!

Waking up early, meditating on script

ure, having a sit spot, journaling, and getting back to practicing my deep breathing are all saving my booty during this time! (I came across these gorgeous leather journals that feel so great to write in and will last for years. I’m super weird and love to have a journal that feels good!)

To learn more about how to practice mindfulness, check out this post: 5 Creative Mindfulness Exercises For Parents In a Time Of Chaos! And as a bonus for signing up to join my email list, you will receive this Taking Care of MYSELF eBook!

3. I Become One With Nature

Okay, so I don’t really become one with nature because I don’t even know what that means. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.

What I do though is get out in nature as long as it’s not over 100 degrees. We have been hiking a lot on nearby trails and exploring a local nature preserve. Desert hiking is incredible. The wildflowers this year were so beautiful and I can’t ever get enough of flowering cacti!

As I stared at the cactus blooms, I see myself. I am blooming among this thorny time in life right now.

And if we can’t go hiking because of the heat (and rattlesnakes, oh my!), we drive a few hours north to camp. I can’t wait to head to Flagstaff to sit in the cool pines next week. Since we don’t have the kind of nature that fills my soul readily available outside of our door, having a camper is the next best thing!

In an article on University of Minnesota’s Take Care of Your Wellbeing, they say, “Being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings. Exposure to nature not only makes you feel better emotionally, it contributes to your physical wellbeing, reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones. It may even reduce mortality, according to scientists such as public health researchers Stamatakis and Mitchell.”

4. I Tap Out

When I just can’t get my stuff together, I physically tap out.

My husband will often tap in. He usually puts the boys to work or turns a movie on, but hey, whatever works! If we were able to hang out with others, I would ask for help from friends, too. It takes an army, I tell ya!

Or I tap out by walking outside to breathe, look at the trees and listen to the birds. Again mindfulness.

If I can’t go outside I’ll lock myself in my closet or bathroom for a few minutes. I thought my husband was crazy for putting security cameras throughout the house, but they really come in handy when I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Discovering What’s Driving You Crazy

If you are having similar feelings or you can’t figure out how to access a state of calm, I recommend figuring out where those emotions are coming from before you do anything else!

Here are some great ways to discover why your kids may be driving you crazy:

1. Write it down. Brain dump every emotion and feeling inside your body. If you pray, use this time to write out prayers too!
2. Talk to a friend. I’m beyond thankful for social distancing coffee dates my friends and I have been having. They are FILLING my soul. Also, as I get rid of all the junk that’s stuffed inside, I can discover why I’m feeling that way.
3. Talk to your wall. I’m not kidding! Sit on the end of your bed and spill the beans to your bedroom walls. Explain events that have been happening, your reactions, and your kids’ reactions. You’ll be surprised at how awesome this works in figuring out what’s beneath the surface.
4. Pray. Give it a try. Ask God to take the wheel and He will!

Next Time Before I Scream

Next time my kids are driving me crazy, like in ten minutes, my first response is going to be to take care of myself. Breathe, shake it off, and who knows, become a pig!

Although I felt shame and guilt for screaming on my back porch that day, I did what my body needed. I was in dire need of getting rid of all the emotional junk stuffed inside me. Being a parent is hard stuff so let’s all take it one moment at a time.

Here’s to being human!