A Parent’s Guide To Help Kids Accept Change and Tolerate Uncertainty

 Inside: The world can feel like a scary place. This is a guide for parents to help kids accept change and tolerate uncertainty while focusing on positive mental health. 

Mental health is about experiencing emotions that align with the circumstances we face.

It’s natural to feel sadness when faced with loss or fear when the world feels uncertain.

But the key lies in balance—neither masking reality with false positivity nor succumbing to overwhelming fear serves us or our kids. Instead, we need to be intentional about how we navigate life’s changes, helping our children build resilience, nurture positive mental health, and grow into compassionate, capable humans.

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We Can’t Escape Change and Uncertainty

You can’t turn on a TV, computer, tablet or phone without seeing that the world is constantly changing. I purposely avoid watching the news and yet I still hear about the craziness happening in the world almost daily.

Change can feel overwhelming. As a parent, you have an essential role to play in helping your kids navigate it. We MUST put on our own oxygen masks first. After all, we can’t support our kids if we’re barely hanging on ourselves, right?

Lately, it seems many parents are unsure of what to do.

We know that change and adversity can actually benefit kids—if they’re equipped to manage the stress and learn from their experiences. (And let’s be honest, that’s true for us adults too!) It’s also important to recognize that what worries us may not be what worries our kids. That’s why it’s crucial to start by tuning in to their unique needs.

Life will inevitably throw our children big changes—switching schools, losing a loved one, living through a natural disaster (which seems to be happening more and more), adjusting to new rules (like when we had to wear masks during the pandemic), coping with parents divorcing, or facing the awkwardness of puberty (as my husband jokingly reminded me: “Puberty—it’s stinky and scary!”).

Putting humor aside, all humans encounter change and uncertainty throughout their lives.

The key is helping our kids navigate these challenges without feeling like you’re drowning. Research shows that today’s youth are becoming less resilient, and that’s largely because they aren’t learning the skills needed to cope with life’s inevitable uncertainties. It’s up to us to help them develop those skills, one step at a time.

Join now!
My friend, Janine Halloran, LMHC, created an incredible membership program called The Coping Skills Community Hub! It’s a resource library full of strategies, printables, and videos to help you teach kids healthy ways to cope. New resources are added every month!

11 Ways To Help Kids Accept Change and Tolerate Uncertainty

Helping kids learn to accept change is essential for their mental health.

They don’t have to love change because, let’s face it, not many of us do, but they do need the tools to navigate, adapt, and grow from the experience.

Here are 11 practical ways you can support your children in accepting change and tolerating uncertainty, empowering them to develop resilience and become well-rounded individuals.

Prefer to watch or listen instead of reading? Check out this video I recorded back in 2020. While it was created a few years ago, the strategies remain just as relevant today—especially in a world filled with wildfires, tornadoes, hurricanes, and other unpredictable events.

1. Unpack Your Own Feelings First

Before you can support your kids through change, it’s crucial to take a step back and understand how you’re feeling.

Are you anxious, frustrated, indifferent, or maybe even excited about the changes happening around you? Self-reflection helps you process your emotions, so you can approach uncertain times with calm and clarity.

I made an emergency emotions toolkit you can download to help you do just this!

Here are other simple ways to figure out how to address your own concerns: 

• Spend time in nature | Take a walk around your neighborhood or through the woods—nature does wonders for a worried brain.
• Practice mindful breathing | Focus on your breath during daily exercises or set aside a few moments for mindfulness each day.
• Talk it out | Share your thoughts with a trusted family member, close friend, or listening partner.
• Journal your feelings | Write down your thoughts in a journal or do a brain dump to clear your mind.
• Listen to uplifting music | Songs with positive messages can be incredibly soothing. I love this song!
• Visit a “sit spot” | Choose a peaceful spot where you can sit daily and notice the subtle changes around you. I do this every morning in my neighborhood Rose Park.
• Limit social media | It’s okay to stay informed, but too much scrolling or news-watching helps no one. Set boundaries for your media intake.
• Turn to prayer or meditation | Take your worries to God and reflect on the truth that brings you peace.

Helping our kids accept change and tolerate uncertainty starts with us doing the hard work of understanding and regulating our own emotions.

And let’s be honest—sometimes, it is hard work.

Remember, you’re not alone. If you need extra support, reach out—I’m only an email away!

Also, if you’re in a place where everything feels like it’s just too much, find a mental health professional you can seek therapy from. Many offer teletherapy services, making it easier than ever to get the support you need.

2. Have Essential Conversations

Dr. Abigail Gewirtz, author of When the World Feels Like a Scary Place: Essential Conversations for Anxious Parents and Worried Kids, emphasizes the importance of setting aside a specific time each day to talk with your kids.

Choose a time when everyone feels calm and connected—when your prefrontal cortex (the rational thinking part of the brain) is fully engaged, making it easier to have meaningful conversations. Gewirtz recommends aiming for 10 minutes a day, ideally during one-on-one quality time. In our family, we call this FOCUS time.

Related: If you need easy activities to do with your child so he or she will open up, here is a free download of Quiet Time Activities. 

When to Talk to Your Child

Some great opportunities for these conversations include:

• While driving to or from school (or anywhere else). The car is a unique space where kids are unable to walk away or are less likely to get distracted.
• During activities like playing cards, board games, or sitting together on the floor.
• While cooking, folding laundry, or engaging in other life skills together.

For these conversations to truly help kids accept change, preparation is key. Consider what you want to address and lead with open-ended questions.

When deciding how much to share, keep these factors in mind:

• Age: Younger children need concrete explanations, while teens can handle more complex and existential discussions.
• Temperament: Is your child more anxious or more adaptable? Adjust your approach accordingly.
• Individual needs: Gauge their level of engagement with the change. Do they care about it or feel unaffected?

Another great tip when having essential conversations about change and uncertainty is to become a good active listener. 

Tips for Successful Conversations

1. Be an active listener
   Set aside your concerns and listen without judgment or inserting your emotions. This is why unpacking your feelings first is so important.
2. Explore their specific worries
   Your child’s concerns may surprise you and differ from your own. Acknowledge their feelings instead of brushing them off.
3. Avoid forced positivity
   If your child is experiencing something truly difficult, don’t try to spin it into something positive. Instead, allow them to process their feelings in a supportive and age-appropriate way. Try nodding your head and using phrases like, “I see that you’re feeling really confused and sad.”

For example, if they’re worried about protests or wildfires destroying entire cities, avoid pretending those things aren’t happening. Instead, meet them where they are, listen to their concerns, and respond with empathy.

Read Next: 10 Ways To Avoid Raising Racist Kids

Developmental Considerations

• Younger children: Use simple, concrete language and examples.
• School-aged kids: Ask questions to gauge their understanding and feelings.
• Teens: Engage in deeper conversations about broader concepts and encourage critical thinking.

I consulted Dr. Mallory Yee, a licensed psychologist with The Childhood Collective, about helping kids navigate change and uncertainty back in 2020 right before school was starting. Most kids were not allowed to go back in person, and instead, were at home for virtual school.

My first question was, “What is the best way to talk about the changes happening in the world?” She said,

“I think you’ve described it perfectly above! Let your kids know that our world is always changing. You can provide some examples of how things are different now than when you were their age, and their grandparents. Change can be good, but we have to work for that to be true. Help {your kids} think of a time when a change happened that they were unsure of, that ended up being positive.” 

She also highlighted the importance of letting kids know that managing the big things is not their responsibility—it’s the adults’ job to handle those.

Assure your kids that while life may look different, you’ll continue working hard to keep them safe and to support their interests, even if that means finding new ways to explore and grow.

3. Have Empathy and Acknowledge Your Child’s Feelings

Empathy is the cornerstone of effective parenting—especially when helping kids navigate change and uncertainty. In fact, this is my top parenting tip for any situation.

When you attune to your child’s individual needs, you fulfill their deep, innate desire to feel safe, seen, and heard. This sense of security creates a foundation for growth, enabling them to accept change, tolerate uncertainty, overcome adversity, and build resilience as they develop into self-assured, capable individuals.

If you have more than one child, it’s important to remember that their experiences and emotional responses may vary. Each child processes change differently, so take the time to meet them where they are and provide the understanding they need. Empathy is not one-size-fits-all; it’s about tuning in to what each child requires to feel supported and valued.

Related: The Very First Thing Parents Must Do Before Correcting Behavior

Acknowledge the Losses and Validate Feelings

Recognizing and validating your child’s feelings is essential when helping them navigate loss and uncertainty. Change can bring about real challenges, and acknowledging this helps your child feel understood and supported.

When you empathize, avoid following up with “but.” Instead, replace it with “because.” I once heard this tip on a podcast (though I can’t remember who said it!), and it’s been a game-changer for how I connect with my kids.

Replace your but with because.

Here’s an updated example:

• Instead of saying, “I know you’re upset you didn’t make the team, but it’s not the end of the world. There will be other opportunities,”
• Try saying, “I know you’re upset you didn’t make the team because you worked so hard at tryouts and were really excited to be part of the group. That must feel really disappointing. Let’s talk about what we can do to keep practicing and try again next season—or explore another way to stay involved in the sport.”

This subtle shift shows your child that their feelings are valid and helps them see you as a source of support, not dismissal.

Wouldn’t that make YOU feel like your parents understood you and cared about your circumstances more than the former statement? I know it would be for me. 

Observe and Acknowledge Emotions

Pay attention to where your child’s emotions manifest. For instance, I often notice frustration in my son’s face or in his fists. I’ll gently share my observation, then ask where he feels the strong emotion in his body. This invites self-awareness and opens the door for a meaningful conversation about emotions. Sometimes, I need to do this once he’s calm and in a regulated state.

Respect Your Child’s Feelings

Even if your child’s concerns seem small to you, remember that their feelings are real and valid. Emotions are important signals, not something to dismiss or punish.

Do not ignore or punish emotions because emotions are important signals.

When kids are told not to feel a certain way, their nervous system gets confused because it can’t just “turn off” emotions. Over time, they may start hiding their feelings from you, leading to a buildup of unprocessed emotions that come out one way or another!

By acknowledging and validating your child’s feelings, you help them process the moment while teaching them a lifelong skill: understanding that emotions are natural, manageable, and worth listening to.

4. Acknowledge That Some Days Will Be Harder Than Others

This insightful advice also comes from Dr. Mallory Yee of The Childhood Collective.

Change and uncertainty can feel like a pendulum for your child. Some days, they may swing toward resilience, managing change with ease. On other days, the pendulum swings the other way, and they struggle to cope with the same situations.

Recognizing this natural ebb and flow is essential for offering the right kind of support. Just like adults, kids have emotional highs and lows, and their ability to handle uncertainty may vary from day to day. By acknowledging this, you’re giving your child (and yourself) the grace to navigate those tougher days without judgment.

On the hard days, focus on empathy, connection, and simple strategies to help them regulate their emotions. Remind them—and yourself—that this is just part of the process, and it will get better.

5. Help Kids Develop Practical Acceptance 

Dr. Christine Carter, author of The New Adolescence: Raising Happy and Successful Teens in an Age of Anxiety and Distraction, emphasizes that kids often struggle the most when they resist what is happening. Adults, with the best intentions, sometimes contribute to this by trying to shield kids from reality or minimizing uncomfortable situations.

Instead of denying or glossing over challenges, help your child learn to accept the current situation—whether it’s a significant life change or a moment of discomfort. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking the situation; it means acknowledging it as real and working with it, not against it.

One of the first times I took my oldest to a barber, the news was playing in the background quite loudly. The anchor mentioned how an upcoming news story about a sex slave was comping up in the next segment. My son’s eyes widened because he had never heard that phrase before so he was very curious. I could’ve ignored him, told him it was nothing or make something up, but instead, I told him we could talk about it when we got home.

He did not forget about it! As soon as we got in the car, he asked what it meant. I wanted to meet him where he was at developmentally (around 7 or 8 years old) so I asked him if he knew what sex meant. He said, “yes.” Then I asked if he knew what slave meant and he knew that word too. His eyes widened again as he figured out how awful that phrase was and what it meant. I validated his emotions about it and stayed present answering any other questions he had. He hasn’t asked about it since.

Guide Your Child Toward Acceptance

1. Be honest.
   Avoid denial or sugarcoating. Acknowledge what’s happening and encourage your child to do the same. This helps them build resilience and adapt to changes.
2. Validate emotions.
   Accept and name feelings like discomfort, sadness, or frustration—for both your child and yourself. You don’t need to “fix” these emotions; simply help your child process them constructively. Naming a feeling has a calming effect on the brain. Dr. Dan Siegel calls this concept “name it to tame it,” as it literally helps regulate the limbic system.
3. Stay present.
   Resist the urge to follow your child into the “what might happen” rabbit hole of fear and uncertainty. Instead, guide their focus to what’s happening now. This not only eases anxiety but also teaches them to stay grounded.

Why It Matters

Teaching kids practical acceptance equips them to face challenges with a balanced mindset. When they acknowledge both the reality of their situation and their emotions, they’re better able to adapt, problem-solve, and grow through difficult experiences. This skill becomes a cornerstone of their emotional resilience, helping them navigate life with confidence.

For You! To help you get out how you are feeling that can also lead to talking points with your kids, I created an Emergency Emotions Toolkit. Sign up for The Raising Kids With Purpose Newsletter and get it for free!

6. Watch For Rumination

I have OCD so I will often ruminate about situations that I cannot control. In order to get off the rumination-train, I have to be self-aware, write it all down, and if needed, come up with a plan. 

Rumination is continuously thinking about the same thoughts, which tend to be sad, anxious, or dark. Kids, especially school-age children, can also fall into cycles of rumination.

When I asked Dr. Mallory Yee about this, she confirmed, “Yes, school-age kids can get stuck in cycles of rumination and worrying. I love the book “What To Do When You Worry Too Much”… it helps kids “lock away” worry thoughts and save them for Worry Time each day. The more we attend to and talk about our worries, the more they grow. The idea behind Worry Time is saving those worries for a small, specific time of day so as to avoid them occupying all aspects of one’s day. The more and more we save them for Worry Time, the less they will start showing themselves throughout the day.” 

I absolutely love this idea and may need to grab a copy of the book for me, not my kids. Ha! 

Strategies for Helping Kids Who Ruminate

If your child is stuck in worry cycles or dark thoughts, start by teaching them to notice how they feel in their body. Bringing them into the present moment can help them break free from the thought loop. Here’s how:

1. Ask about physical sensations:
   • Where in your body do you feel it?
   • Does it have a color?
   • Does it have a texture?
   • Can you picture it?

These questions help your child connect their emotions to their physical sensations, making the experience feel more manageable.

2. Shift their perspective:
   Once your child is calm and connected, guide them toward alternate ways of thinking. Ask questions like:
   • “What is the best-case scenario?”
   • “What is something you’re looking forward to this week?”
   • “What might help you feel better right now?”
     
3. Teach the power of imagination:
   Let your child know that their imagination can create thoughts that lead to positive emotions instead of triggering negative ones. Help them practice visualizing better outcomes and focus on what they can control.

By addressing rumination with compassion and practical tools, you’re giving your child the skills to manage their worries, stay grounded, and foster a healthier mindset over time.

7. Coach Your Kids Through Difficult Situations

The best way to coach your kids to accept change and tolerate uncertainty is to become their emotion coach. I have a whole post on how to do this including a free printable you can snag here. 

Dr. Mallory of The Childhood Collective says that oftentimes, your children will come to you with challenges more so they know you are on their side and not so much for the advice. Parents then should give kids a safe space to process their thoughts and feelings. 

She also suggests, “It can be helpful to ask your child, ‘Are you just looking to vent/for a listening ear, or do you want me to help you problem-solve?’ We can only be effective in helping our children problem-solve if we understand their view of the problem and they are open to our assistance. Also, I urge parents to provide at least 5-10 minutes per day of one-on-one “chat time” or “talk time” with their child. This time doesn’t have any agenda, but it is a saved, safe space for your child to bring to you any challenges.” 

8. Encourage Play

Kids make sense of their world through play. However, with all the access to technology (because it can sometimes be MUCH easier to entertain your kids with), kids are playing less and less. 

Give your kids the space to engage in free play.

This means the play is not organized or prompted by you or anyone else. As I have found the hard way, not everyone agrees that kids should be able to play freely, but research shows us that it isn’t just beneficial, it’s vital for healthy brain development. 

Also, during your one-on-one time, get down on the floor WITH your kids and take their lead while engaging in their play. 

Dr. Mallory suggests that instead of asking questions during this time, reflect back on what you hear by simply narrating what you see them doing. This will help fill their attention bucket which can also help them accept change. 

I haven’t read it yet, but I’m excited to get Dr. Tina Payne Bryson’s new book, The Way of Play! Here’s the summary:

“Most parents understand that free, unstructured playtime is great for children’s development. What they may not know is that playful interaction with parents is also a powerful way for kids to cultivate healthy emotional development and resilience. Kids often want their parents to play with them, but many parents don’t know how to play or see it only as an (often boring) way to kill time.

Playing with your kids doesn’t have to mean enrolling in countless parent-and-me classes or getting on all fours and making toy car sounds; the little daily moments together can make the most impact. In The Way of Play, world-renowned pediatric therapists and play experts Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent break down seven simple, playful techniques that harness this caregiving magic in only a few minutes each day.”

9. Have Consistent Routines

This is a big one! Routines are essential for both kids and parents because they provide predictability, which fosters a sense of security and helps develop self-discipline.

When kids face significant changes, having consistent elements in their day-to-day life can make a world of difference. It creates a sense of stability in an otherwise unpredictable situation, reducing stress which leads to a feeling of safety.

Even small routines, like regular morning routines, family dinners or bedtime routines can provide much-needed structure.

Having routines isn’t just about keeping life organized—it’s a foundational tool for emotional well-being and resilience, especially during times of change. I unpack all the research behind routines in this post. 

Bonus! You can download your free morning and evening routines chart when you sign up for the Raising Kids With Purpose newsletter.

10. Set A Goal for What You Want to Achieve

As parents, it’s important to have clear goals for what we hope to accomplish while raising our kids. These goals don’t need to be elaborate or formal—whether they’re written down or simply kept in mind, they provide a roadmap.

My friend Amy Carney, author of Parent On Purpose, emphasizes this idea throughout her book. She encourages parents to think about where they want their kids to be in five years and to make decisions that align with those long-term goals. As she puts it, “Parent for the end.”

During times of change and uncertainty, take a moment to identify specific goals for navigating this period. For example, you might focus on:

• Keeping your kids emotionally healthy.
• Prioritizing their physical well-being.
• Teaching values like gratitude, resilience, or the gift of service.

Another thing to think about is, what kind of child do you want to raise. Aside from what is currently going on in the world, what values do you want to make sure you are instilling in your children? What do you find important that your kids grow up knowing or valuing?

Who do you envision your children becoming (not just “what” they’re going to become)?

Write these goals down and use them as a guide when making decisions during challenging times. For example, if your goal is to raise empathetic, compassionate kids, make sure your words and actions reflect those values rather than instilling fear, judgment, or negativity.

Of course, we’re not solely responsible for shaping who our kids become—there are countless factors at play—but as parents, we can strive to be the kind of influence they need.

Remember, children are naturally wired to look to their parents for guidance. When we have a clear vision of what we want for them, we can provide that guidance with intention, helping them grow into good humans who love and care for others. (Or maybe that’s just my personal parenting goal!)

11. Give Hope

Last but certainly not least, we need to give our kids hope.

It’s easy for children and adults to feel powerless or helpless when faced with uncertainty, changes or challenges. As parents, it’s our job to remind our kids that there is always something we can do, even if it’s small. A close friend of mine often reminds me of this as she boldly stands firm in her faith and beliefs, inspiring me to do the same.

Openly discuss what opportunities this change is creating for your kids and your family. For example, maybe a change in routine allows for more quality time, a new hobby, or a creative project you wouldn’t have pursued otherwise.

Perhaps your family has had to cut back on extracurricular activities due to losing a job. Instead of focusing on what’s lost, highlight the time you’ve gained to enjoy unstructured play, family game nights, or exploring nature together. This is what my husband and I did recently when we both found ourselves without jobs. These moments can help your kids see that even when things feel hard, there is light to be found. And guess what, God totally provided!

Remind your children that challenges can lead to growth, new experiences, and unexpected joys. This shift in perspective helps them build resilience and strengthens their belief in the goodness and possibilities of the future.

There is always light to be found in spite of the darkness. It’s important for our kids to see the light, too. 

And yes, this would be the part where I’d start belting out “I See the Light” from Tangled. But since I’m writing this, you’ll just have to picture it! 😉

Hope is contagious—when we model it for our kids, they learn to carry it with them, even during life’s toughest moments.

Download Your Emergency Emotional Toolbox

Feeling overwhelmed or unsure how to handle big emotions—yours or your child’s? My Emergency Emotional Toolbox is here to help with big changes and uncertainty! This resource is packed with practical tools to help you become your child’s emotion coach, uncover your personal feelings, and focus on resilience while handling change and uncertainty.

Download it now and take the first step toward building emotional resilience for you and your family.

How Do You Manage Sudden Changes and Uncertainty?

When I was younger, I struggled with cognitive flexibility and often felt like the world was going to end when things didn’t go as planned. I could have used some of these strategies to navigate my overwhelming feelings.

Now, with greater self-awareness, daily mindfulness practices, and a better understanding of how to overcome challenges, I’m focusing on helping my kids grow through what they go through.

That said, tolerating uncertainty is still a work in progress for me. Life’s unpredictable. It’s not always easy, but I’m learning alongside my kids.

How are you managing the uncharted waters of change and uncertainty? I’d love to hear your strategies—it could be an encouragement to others who are navigating similar challenges. If you found these tips helpful, please share this post or pin it for later! Together, we can support one another in helping our kids (and ourselves) thrive, even in uncertain times.