Create Family Goals To Break Down Challenges (Includes Free Goal-Setting Tool)

Inside this post, you’ll find how to create family goals and build long-lasting relationships with your children.

I have a confession.

I’m terrified of goals. It may be my perfectionism or that I have a diagnosis of OCD, but the thought of not meeting a goal paralyzes me from making them.

I looked it up because that’s what I do, and I found the official name for this kind of fear. Atychiphobia. The fear of failure. Reading about it actually helped me realize I haven’t reached the phobia level and I would like to keep it that way!

To personally avoid goals is one thing, but not setting them for my family or allowing my kids to watch me set goals that I later achieve could be a disservice to them. Because goals are proven to help us see the bigger picture, move the needle forward, break down big challenges into achievable bite-size pieces, give purpose and get things done, I wanted to model that I can get over this teeny phobia and set goals together as a family.

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The Difference Between Family Goals and Family Values

In my search to create a strong family connection, I found that values should not only be talked about and lived out, but recorded and reflected upon.

To help you do that, I created a family values kit for you to download.

I wanted to know how goals differed from values. Are setting family goals secondary or added fluff to identifying values?

Nope. Not at all. They are both very helpful and impactful.

The difference is that family values provide a roadmap or compass that guides decisions and actions; they are the glue that binds the family together.

Values are basically core principals.

Loving God, being kind, compassionate, empathic, financially responsible, and persevering through tough times are the values we live out.

Goals are the objectives we look to achieve.

The goals are more tangible and usually require specific actions to take place.

In The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, he breaks down values as being the HOW in which we live our lives and goals as the specific WAYS you execute your values.

This connection is imperative. You don’t want to set goals that are way off-kilter from what you believe in as a family. That would send up red flags and be super confusing to your kiddos developing brains. Although they are completely different concepts, they do work in conjunction with each other, especially in the case of working together as a unit.

The Importance of Setting Family Goals

When a group of people all work together to achieve a goal, it typically brings them closer. With families, having common goals can not only create a stronger bond, but they can help the members find purpose and their individual sense of belonging.

According to the University of Missouri, “Research indicates that families who establish both short and long-term goals are more likely to achieve those things in life that are important to them. Families who set goals manage their overall finances better than families who do not. They are also better able to communicate with each other when personal goals compete for resources or interfere with shared family goals.”

Family goal setting promotes autonomy and if you’ve been on this blog long you know that I am a firm believer in self-determination theory. This theory represents a broad framework of human motivation that unpacks how all people have a need for autonomy, relatedness, and competence.

Lastly, setting goals is a life skill your kids will thank you for instilling in them as they grow into adults.

Breaking Down Family Goals

When I first thought of goals that my whole family would set, a yearly thing popped into mind. But then I recalled all those past New Year’s Resolutions and yearly goals set in college courses that never came to fruition which caused atichyphobia to creep in. So instead, I thought a more manageable way of creating family goals would be to set ones that are monthly or weekly or even daily!

More boxes to check off for this checklist junkie!

The best way to set a family goal is for it to be “SMART” which stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time. This is what a SMART goal looks like for families:

1. Specific | State exactly what you want to achieve or accomplish.
2. Measurable | There needs to be a starting point and ending point and a way to measure how far you have come.
3. Attainable (and I’m adding…Agreed Upon) | Your goals need to be something that everyone agrees upon and that can be achieved with hard work.
4. Realistic | Don’t set goals that are unattainable for your family to achieve.
5. Time | Set a certain amount of time in which you want to see a result. THIS is where I crumble so maybe I’ll give myself a little more breathing room and double it!

The Best Time to Set Family Goals

The absolute best time to get started on your family goals is RIGHT NOW! Okay, maybe not this exact moment as you may be at a doctor’s appointment, lying in bed or sitting at your child’s practice.

If you’re not having Family Meetings, I’m really not sure what you’re waiting for! They don’t have to be these complicated drawn out, pull out the whiteboard meetings but rather consistent gatherings where your entire family engages about rules, your event calendar, affirmations, values and now….GOALS!

Carve out a meeting where this is the only thing you focus on so that it doesn’t last forever and everyone is rolling their eyes because of another “great idea” you have. I hope I’m not alone in this. Ha!

Instead, approach creating goals as being something super exciting! Although I discourage rewards for motivation, make achieving the goal the reward! And celebrate the heck out of it when you do. Dancing always fares well in this family.

4 Steps To Setting (and Achieving!) Your Family Goals

I’m all about embarking on a new journey as long as I have a plan to get me there (and I know that I can be successful *wink wink). If you have never spent time setting family goals before like us, this process doesn’t have to be strenuous.

I have broken the process down for you in this free Family Goal-Setting Toolkit.

Take these steps and you’ll look back after a few months and be so proud of your accomplishments. Or you’ll look back and find where you need to improve to continue moving forward.

Ooooh and so I don’t forget, for this to be successful, make sure everyone weighs in on the goals you choose. This isn’t a top-down, parent to child kind of exercise. It’s collaborative!

Step 1: Discover Your Goals

It also starts with a plan. To come up with a list of goals you want to work towards, I suggest starting with three main categories.

Here are some questions that can help guide you to figure out what you want to make goals around (adapted from Bitz n’ Giggles):

1. What are some challenges you face as a family? Include both from the child’s perspective as well as your perspective.

Example: Technology is becoming a huge challenge in our family. Our kids feel like they never get to play video games, and we want to let them play but their behavior changes and they are unable to stop playing on their own.

2. What areas of family life do you want to do better?

Example: Getting out of the house on time would be something that would reduce a lot of contention.

3. What are some things you would do if you had more free time?

Example: This one is perfect for us to focus on right now as my kids went from a seven-hour school day with a lot of homework to a four-hour day school day, only four days a week! We now have free time that could be filled to create a stronger connection or get things done.

4. What does everyone like to do more than anything else?

Example: I love to hike, my husband loves to ride dirt bikes and the boys love to camp. We can find a common goal that incorporates all three of these activities.

5. What are some things your family has always wanted to do but are afraid to try?

Example: Sky Diving! I’m kidding. This one was hard for me to come up with an example. Maybe hike the Grand Canyon or go on a long trip across the country.

6. What motivates everyone in the family?

Example: Being in charge motivates one of our sons so a goal would be to learn leadership skills and put the new skills into action.

Step 2: Write Down Your Goals

Be specific about what you want to accomplish!

If the goal is to overcome the challenge of technology, break it down to include what kind of technology this includes such as tablets, iPads, computer and/or television. And the specific goal could be to develop self-control and only spend x amount of hours each week in order to engage in outdoor and other creative activities.

Step 3: Create an Action Plan

After you figure out what you want to focus on for this first round of goals, you need to come up with ways that you will be able to achieve those family goals.

I suggested answering the questions below (if applicable) for every goal you set. I make this super easy to do in the free Family Goal Setting Toolkit. To illustrate how easy this is, I have provided answers to the questions using the “manage technology better” goal.

1. What steps need to be taken to reach this goal? Do we need to work on something every day, weekly, monthly?

Together, we need to come up with the amount of time we think everyone can handle being on devices and then specific ways to adhere to those time frames such as using a zapping machine. I’m totally kidding! A real tool that could be used is kitchen timers that our kids would be fully responsible for setting. We could also set up certain rooms, days, or times during the day that must be screen-free.

2. What will the achievement of this goal look like?

The kids (and adults) adhering to the timeframes set! Self-control is apparent.

3. What are some obstacles we will most likely face? And how will we overcome them?

The kids go to friends’ houses where they don’t have limits on technology. They can talk to their friends’ about how they are working on this goal. Or they could bring games or toys such as Nerf Guns or Beyblades so there is no temptation to play video games.

4. How long should this goal take to achieve?

Let’s work on being consistent for one week with the goal of reaching to one month. The kids will need to focus on turning off technology ON THEIR OWN and the adults will need to work on keeping phones in a separate room during dinner and family time.

5. How will accomplishing this goal make us feel?

Elated! We would feel supportive of each other and happier! There won’t be as much anger, annoyance, and frustration over technology usage.

Step 4: Reflect on Your Goals

This is a step that is often skipped when setting family goals. However, it’s one of the most important parts because it helps determine if you were successful or not.

And if you were not successful, it gives you more goals to work on! Failure is how we learn, (as I keep reminding myself)!

Here are some reflection questions to ask yourselves:

1. In what areas did we do really well?

2. What are we proud of? What part of the goal is dance-worthy?

3. Where could we improve?

4. What would have made us more successful?

60 Day Goal-Setting Action Plan

Once all the planning of your goals is finished, it’s time to get crackin on accomplishing some family goals together as a team!

This is where the 60 Day Plan comes into play.

A lot of goal-setting tools I saw used a 90 Day Plan, but I have young kids and their attention spans small and sometimes non-existent. Honestly, 60 days may be too much so you could do check-ins every week or during the halfway point if that floats your fancy.

I made this part super easy for you! On the 60-Day goal-setting worksheet, you will list the main goals you want to reach on one side and all the tasks or mini-goals you need to do to get to your end goal. AND there are checkboxes! Woot Woot!

I suggest focusing on 2-3 goals at a time. Any more than that may be too overwhelming if you’re anything like me. However, if you are a GOAL-GETTER and so are your kiddos, then you can aim higher.

A tip I heard once from Jon Acuff, the author of Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done is to cut your goals in half. It’s much more attainable and less defeating. I’m a big fan of that philosophy!

Having a Tough Time Finding a Goal?

No worries, boo, I got your back!

If you find going through all the questions too much, I made a cheater’s goal-setting sheet with a list of family goal ideas that promotes connection, positive family culture, and productivity. Simply peruse that list to determine a few goals you want to work on and add to the 60 Day Action Plan.

Go Set Your Family Goals

What are you waiting for? Download the Family Goal Setting Toolkit by subscribing and filling out the form below. Then, print it out and have that family meeting or your Matt Damon (check out this post for reference).

It would mean the world to me if you shared this post to help even more families with their goal-setting endeavors. Use the social icons below. Thank you!!