My husband and I dated for over five years before we got married. During that time, we never had a single fight. Okay, maybe one weird little tiff, but nothing other than that. Neither of us saw the value in fighting with each other. Also, I am a total flight person so as soon as I see conflict on the horizon, I run for the hills (which I now know, is not healthy!).
I really thought we were already set up for a happy married life. What could go wrong?
Soon after our wedding, my husband and I got into a fight. Gasp! Well, it was an argument that led me running (see?) up the stairs after saying the sound, of the letter, “F”, because apparently, that’s the closest I get to saying sware words when I’m really upset.
What we were arguing about was that I was doing too much out of the house, volunteering too much and essentially, not making my husband a priority. Growing up as a VERY independent person, I just couldn’t wrap my head around making someone else a priority. I thought I was but my actions proved otherwise.
Over the years, this has been a struggle, but with intentionality and a strong purpose to love my husband and SHOW him the way he needs to be loved, we both work towards a happy married life. It’s a work in progress.
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Today, I’m SO EXCITED to feature my dear friend, Sarah! She is such an incredible example of how to live out God’s plan for marriage. With four super sweet little boys, she has her hands (and most definitely, her heart) FULL! Today, she’s going to share the importance of marriage and some tips that have helped her make her husband a priority.
Creating A Marriage That Matters
When I first got married I truly believed that I was the princess and my husband was supposed to serve me and meet every one of my needs. I was very into Matthew McConaughey’s movies back then!
Looking back I realize I was new in my faith with the Lord and immature. I had no idea what it meant to truly serve my husband and love him out of love for God, honoring him and out doing him in love.
By the time we got to our third year of marriage, we found ourselves in marriage counseling. This was not the happy married life I imagined. During this time I had to be honest and transparent with how many expectations I placed on my husband and how much I thought he was supposed to make me happy. I wish I could go back to my younger self and tell myself some of these tips.
Honoring and loving our spouse is the biggest example we can give our kids. And there’s no way to do that without God.
Our flesh will fail.
In, You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis & Lisa Chan “The more you grow in your pursuit of Christ-likeness, the more you will naturally live out your god-given role.”
The way you treat your husband is modeling to your children what marriage looks like which will impact generations to come.
As a mom to four boys, I know how exhausting it can to be a wife and a mom. It is so easy to put your kids before your husband, but God did not design it that way. In order to keep our marriage strong, here are some things I have found over the years that work!
1. Say NO!
Yep, I said it. Say NO!
Wives set the temperature for the house especially with young kids at home. Don’t overdo it. Make sure your schedule, commitments etc. aren’t so busy that at the end of your day you have nothing left to give your husband.
What does your schedule say about your marriage? Is it a priority?
2. You have the power to influence
Your husband cares deeply about what you think. Be his biggest fan, praise him, encourage him and go out of your way to make him feel special (leave notes, text messages, treats etc.).
What an example you are showing your kids. Things are caught not taught. Be an example to your kids by the way you treat their Daddy.
Read Next: The Kind of Praise That Motivates
3. God must be the center of your own life.
Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend but was never meant to be your God. There’s no way to be a Christ-like spouse apart from drawing closer to God.
Our relationship with the Lord has to come first. If you are a believer, you are a new creation in Christ and called to love others especially your spouse with sacrificial love.
4. Simplify
I know it’s a buzz word right now to get rid of everything and be a minimalist, but really, you should try it!
When you simplify your life you make space for what matters. You can NOT be all things to all people. You must get rid of what is taking up room before your husband. Pay attention to the order of your priorities. The order should be:
- God
- Husband
- Kids
- Others and other priorities such as job, house, chores, etc.
If not, work towards getting your priorities back in line.
5. You Are Called to Be Your Husband’s Helpmate.
What does this mean? His career, passions and voice matter.
I know so many wives that want their husband to “lead” but when they give an opinion on what they want, the wife quickly steps in and trumps him. If you want your husband to lead, you need to listen to his leading in the small things so he can feel confident to lead in the big things.
So ladies hold your tongue! When in doubt… be quiet, don’t nag, nitpick or sigh loudly. It’s unhelpful.
6. Bad Company Ruins Good Morals
We are a product of our environment.
Make sure that your tribe/village whoever you are around is FOR your marriage. Don’t be around negative talk people and don’t talk negativity or bash your spouse. Or be around others who bash their own spouses.
Your kids are watching everything.
7. Be On The Same Page
Be a united front when it comes to parenting, finances, spending, priorities, and everything!
You are called to be one flesh in the Bible. You need to model that in all things. Practically don’t let your kids ask one parent and then the other to get a different answer.
Have check-ins with one another to talk about all the things (schedules, sports, appointments, finances etc). Put in on your calendar so you can keep yourself accountable.
A note from Adriane: A great way to be on the same page is to discover and define what your family values are. To help you do this, I’ve created this free printable with a list of values and a poster to write them down on!
8. Togetherness
The greatest influence in your kids’ lives is YOU and your hubby!
Both of you are modeling to your children what a home looks like, how to interact, respect others, be honest, what priorities matter. Make time for one another even if that means putting the kids to bed early and having a date night at home.
Sit next to one another during meals, on the couch, hold hands, be affectionate. Make intimacy a priority. Serve at church together.
Being together is huge. Time spells love!
What Do You Value In Marriage?
Which of these things can you implement in your marriage? What stood out the most? Which of these would your husband say would mean the most? Comment below.
About the Author
Sarah lives in sunny Arizona with her husband and four sons. She loves hosting, drinking boba, being outside and dreams of creating a legacy of generations who love God and their families.
If anyone has questions or wants to find out how to have a new life in the Lord you can connect with Sarah at SarahEGoebel @ gmail.com
