My little brother is seven years younger than I am. When he was around three or four, the Christmas season caused him to become an anxious child. Because of his personality, there were one too many completely innocent “Santa-is-watching-you’s” amongst other stressors my parents were completely unaware of until he couldn’t control his emotions.
Eventually, they had one of “Santa’s elves” (pre-Elf on the Shelf Days!) bring him a special early Christmas surprise. I remember being just as excited even though I personally knew the elf {*wink*wink*}.
We tiptoed down the basement stairs together to find a Power Wheels Quad. Knowing that he wasn’t actually bad helped his anxiety dissipate.

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As parents, we don’t intentionally add extra stress to our kids during the holidays. But if you think about it, there is pressure for them to behave well.
Pressure During Christmas
“You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout I’m telling you why…”
Think about those lyrics. And if that’s not enough, in most homes there is now even an elf that is always watching AND reporting back to Santa.
Where does it end?!!!! Ahhhhhh!
I’m totally kidding! I just like being dramatic.
I’m not anti-Santa or anti-elf, because we are all about Santa in this house.

As I get into what we can do to help our kids with their holiday anxiety, I wouldn’t suggest forcing your older child to sit on Santa’s lap. Ahem, like we did. Toddlers are free game though, right? Totally joking!!! We did make sure he was okay afterward in which he gave Santa a big high five. He just didn’t want to sit on or near him. That’s fair.
In the past, we always had an elf but have decided he is more useful staying at the North Pole to help Santa because it was causing way too much stress on our kids. We told them that they could create a landing pad anywhere in the house if they wanted the elf to come – giving them full control of the decision.
One of our boys has Generalized Anxiety, which manifests into angry physical outbursts. The last thing we wanted to do is to exacerbate those feelings. Besides, Christmas is supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year.
For some kids, Christmas is already too much then you add lights, sounds, commotion and events that come with this season.
Quick Tip: If your child has angry outbursts, meltdowns, or struggles with self-regulation, download your free Calm Down Toolkit when you sign up for my newsletter.
What Is Anxiety?
Anxiety is our body’s natural response to stress.
A statistic I found from the National Institute of Mental Health is that 1 in 8 children have anxiety. And less than 1% of kids get professional help for a multitude of reasons.
Read that again.
There are many types of anxiety. What they all have in common is the feeling of panic and/or fear of something that may not even be a threat, not being able to remain calm especially in times of high stress, having shortness of breath, heart palpitations, tension and there can also be feelings of nausea, sleeplessness, and dizziness.
I read the Power of Different by Gail Saltz, M.D. which I highly recommend! She goes through the challenges of people face who have brain differences, but also the strengths they have that can help them thrive and do far greater things than a neuro-typical person.
In the book, she explains that anxiety involves an array of behaviors and experiences. Every person is wired to have a stress response when they feel a threat. People who have anxiety may have the same physical feelings as a non-anxious person, but the thoughts in their minds usually take a negative turn.
Read Next: 18 Ways To Help Your Child Calm Down
Babies Can Be Born With Anxiety
Harvard psychologist and “father of temperament”, Jerome Kagan found that brains may be hardwired for anxiety. Following people from birth to adulthood in a longitudinal study, he found that babies who showed signs of being stressed out by simple things grew to be anxious adults.
The Magnetic Resonance Imaging also showed that they had thicker cortexes. Interesting!

I can attest to this with our anxious child (especially at Christmas). Even at a young age, he was afraid of everything – toys that moved or talked, people in costumes, strangers and certain sounds.
More research needs to be done to figure out if anxious people develop thicker cortexes or vice versa.
The environment can and does play a part, but I think it’s important for us to realize that our kids could be born this way. With this knowledge, we can help our anxious-prone children during Christmas, birthdays and every day of the year!
Where Anxiety Is Found In The Brain
Lastly, cognitive scientists at UC Berkeley have pinpointed anxiety. The contributing factors to anxiety are:
- Overactive Amygdala | The amygdala is the part of the brain where the primal fight or flight reflex occurs. We talk to our anxious child about his amygdala a lot!
- Underactive Ventral Prefrontal Cortex | Secondly, the neural part of our brain that aids in overcoming fears and worries, the ventral prefrontal cortex, isn’t mobilized. It’s hard for the person to access this part of the brain whenever fear is present.
Ring any bells for you?

Kids with and without Generalized Anxiety can experience anxiety and extra stress during the holidays.
Taking all this into consideration, kids (and adults alike) who already have anxious brain wiring may not be able to handle all the commotion (and joy and fun and excitement) Christmas brings. And kids who don’t have this brain difference can also develop anxiety as they become overwhelmed.
Related: Calm Down Kit Ideas To Help Kids Manage Big Feelings
Anxiety During The Holidays
For adults and kids alike, November through January often disrupts regular routines. I know I keep mentioning Christmas but this goes for any holiday celebrated in the month of December.
It’s a more expensive time of year and the task demands are never-ending. Because of this, it’s good to take a look at the common triggers or reasons for kids’ anxiety during this time.
Common Triggers
- Change of schedule
- Seeing people and/or family your child hasn’t seen in a long time
- Socially demanding events
- Over-stimulation of lights and sounds
- Lack of sleep
- Traveling long distances and sleeping somewhere else
- The weather (not necessarily here in AZ as we still get plenty of sunshine. I came from the cold so I soak every single ray up!)
- Family tension brought up because of the holidays
- Financial stress
- Santa! Continuously being “watched” for good or bad behavior
7 Signs That Your Child is Anxious at Christmas
If your child is showing signs of frustration, sadness, or is uncharacteristically irritable, it may mean anxiety is present. Because the holidays can add extra stress, anxiety usually manifests into physical ailments as well.

Here are common symptoms to look out for:
- Frequent Meltdowns or Sensory Tantrums | To figure out if these are actually a problem, keep track of every meltdown and tantrum easily on your phone or in a notebook. Look for patterns so you can mitigate the anxiety.
- Sleep problems | Sleep can be affected by anxiety but also cause anxiety if there’s not enough. A vicious cycle is bound to happen without proper sleep.
- Pain |Anxiety often presents itself as psychosomatic complaints such as stomachaches, headaches, unexplained muscle aches, and other physical pain. Anxiety can also cause a rash.
- Other Physical Sensations | In addition to pain, anxiety can turn into arguing, crying, fleeing from situations, biting nails, pulling out hair or what I did as a kid was profusely scratch myself.
- Anger | Oftentimes intense anger is actually anxiety in a child who doesn’t have the emotional regulation skills to cope.
- Social Avoidance | If your child doesn’t want to go to school or public places, anxiety may be the culprit. Kids will often isolate themselves so they don’t have to face the scary feelings.
- Frequent Questions | “What if’s” out of the wazoo! Anxious kids often present questions concerning safety and ask the same questions over and over again.

Read Next: 18 Ways To Help Your Child Calm Down
What You Can Do To Help Your Anxious Child At Christmas Time
Growing up, Christmas may have been a certain way. You may have incredible memories that you want to replicate. The problem with this is that it can often give unrealistic expectations for your current family. You may not have anticipated having to help an anxious child especially at Christmas which is why I bring you good news!
There are many ways you can help your anxious child minimize or avoid stress altogether!

- Educate your kids (and yourself) |Teach your kids what anxiety is, how it affects their brains, and how to problem-solve.
- Set a focus for the season | Ideas include Christmas memories, celebrating the seasons of change or the true meaning of Christmas then planning events accordingly.
- Plan ahead and communicate it to your kids | There is so much to do in the community, at school, in your city or town. Instead of going to everything you can, let your kids be part of the plan and put it on a calendar so they can anticipate what is next.
- Do more activities with only your family | Savor this time of year by making memories in the walls of your house.
- Teach your kids to focus on the present moment | By doing this, kids can keep worrying feelings at bay. Mindfulness techniques work too.
- Be open to change | Try your best to go with the flow. Approach the holidays with an open mind.
- Be realistic | Have a realistic mindset on what can and can’t be accomplished this time of year. For example, kids who are very impulsive may need more structure to minimize disruptive behavior. Have a realistic plan to fall back on.
- Take a break | Ask for help and realize Christmas doesn’t need to be perfect. Say no to things so you can say yes to what’s most important. Ask for help!
- Seek medical attention if needed | Don’t forget this is always an option if can’t be managed at home.
- Stay Alive 101 | Try your best to sleep, eat healthily, drink water, and exercise. This is for both you and your children even when it’s hard to do surrounded by candy canes, party food, and events around the clock.
- Take natural supplements | We have found using natural herbs and spices helps tremendously with balancing neurotransmitters in the brain. As found in this article by Lyfe Botanicals, turmeric has the ability to modulate serotonin and dopamine. Ashwagandha, maca root, and licorice root all have similar benefits as well.
- Reduce Screen Time | I know it’s an easy go-to for entertainment, but screens can exacerbate anxiety by over-activating the autonomic nervous system and increasing cortisol, the stress hormone.
- Laugh and drink hot cocoa! | We may only get a limited amount of holiday seasons with our kids. Cherish every moment. Slow down, play games, laugh, and don’t forget the hot cocoa (sans the sugar for some of our kids and us, of course!). Hot chocolate solves problems.

Read Next: The Perfect Holiday Gift Guide for Your Little Maker or Creator
The Reason for the Season
With all of this said it’s always good to remind ourselves what this season is truly about. We were given the greatest gift from God, Jesus, and we have the privilege to celebrate his birth.

Despite all the flashing lights (literally) and Christmas music, by showing our kids our love and what truly matters during this season, it can be enjoyed by all.
The true meaning of Christmas is love.
Grab the precious little gift you are so incredibly blessed to have and love him or hard. Open your kids’ eyes to what giving and helping others means and can feel like. Spend as much time as you can together creating memories that will last a lifetime. Lastly, from my photographer’s heart, be purposeful and take lots of pictures!

How do you help your child who is more anxious around Christmas?
Comment below or email me at adriane@raisingkidswithpurpose.com.

Originally published on December 18, 2018. Updated on November 29, 2019