Raising Kids With Purpose

Creating a Strong Family Culture

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Picking the Best Summer Schedule for Kids | 8 Free Printables

Inside: Learn how to have a stress-free summer with these summer schedules and routines for kids. Don’t forget to scroll to the bottom to download your free printables!

It’s that time of year that every kid loves, SUMMER!

Although the end of school looked drastically different this year, it was still school and learning had to get done. With summer, kids can let loose and be kids. Play all day with no cares in the world.

But what happens when there are no plans or schedules? 

Siblings fight more, unwanted behaviors rise, the whining is on a nonstop loop, sleep starts to dwindle and life just doesn’t feel so carefree and full of summer fun anymore. 

The reason this happens is that kids thrive on routines. They need to know what’s next and it helps if they have something to look forward to. Children also feel safe and secure when their lives are predictable. 

Also having some kind of plan to your week helps create deeper longlasting memories. Since we live in a very hot place, we need to have things to do and places to go so we’re not trapped inside for three months straight. We can be outdoors as long as water is involved because well, 110+ degrees. 

summer schedule for kids

This post may contain affiliate links. I will make a small commission if you make a purchase through one of these links, at no extra cost to you. See my disclosure policy here. 

The Importance of A Summer Schedule for Kids

Although we don’t want to overpack our kids’ schedules, knowing what to do in summer vacation with some kind of routine is incredibly beneficial.

Developmental research shows that routines decrease stress which then leads to better behavior and increased happiness. 

Also, when kids know what is next in their day, many of the tasks become habits. And habits require less mental energy. It’s like putting the brain on auto-pilot to preserve energy in order to complete complicated tasks that require more intellect or brainpower. 

Giving kids healthy and reasonable expectations encourages healthy habits that lead to optimal brain growth. 

Flexibility is also important within the routines which is why having a schedule that has slight changes each day or week is ideal. 

Lastly, if kids are used to a daily routine, disrupting this can cause even more stress. Remember, the more stress we’re adding to our kids’ brains, the more unwanted behaviors we are bound to see. 

routine charts for kids

Want to print our free morning and evening routine chart? Just sign up here, get them delivered to your inbox, download, and print! From time to time we might send you other stuff we think you’ll enjoy!

How to Implement a Summer Schedule and Routine 

What exactly is the difference between a schedule and a routine? 

Routines are tasks or activities that are done without planning because they recur daily. Whereas, a schedule includes activities, tasks, or events that are planned out and typically written down.

For a stress-free fun summer with kids, I think both are important to have. A routine that includes tasks in the same order every day in addition to scheduled activities or events.

There are many different ways you can implement a summer schedule for kids.

Instead of providing you with one kind of schedule or routine, I have made many different styles and types that you can fully customize. You have the option to pick what schedules will work best for your family! Click here to sign up and get them delivered to your inbox!

How to Pick a Summer Schedule and Routine

First, when picking what your summer will look like, make sure you involve your kids in the process!

Plan it during a Family Meeting! The more skin your kids have in the game, the more willing they may be to participate and have fun. 

Here are some things to consider when creating your routines and schedules:

Age of Children

A routine for a toddler may look different than a routine or schedule for a school-aged, preteen or teenager! *Teens may not be interested in following your summer schedule and that’s okay, but it doesn’t hurt to encourage them to be part of some of your plans. Or have them complete a checklist (like one of the printables you can download).

Temperament and Personalities

You may have one child who HAS to get out of the house and another who is easily overstimulated so he or she prefers to stay home. Pick a schedule and routine that is a compromise for everyone. 

Interests

Keep everyone’s interests in mind while picking what to do for your summer schedule. Don’t worry about pleasing everyone all the time. Instead, have special days such as “YOU PICK” day that rotates between kids.

Sleep

If your kids want to stay up a little later, make sure they are getting up a little later too! Sleep is imperative to brain development and the lack of sleep is becoming an epidemic. Be mindful of how many hours of sleep your kids need and do what it takes to help them get enough. 

sleep chart for kids

Cost 

When planning activities, think about and budget for the cost.

Thankfully, there are so many free activities for kids to do such as swimming at your neighborhood pool, going to library events, local parks and playgrounds, playdates, dispersed camping, etc.

What we did last year was find year-long memberships that were reduced in price through promotions or sites like Groupon. This cut down on costs a lot as we frequented the water park, Science Center, and indoor play places.

Self-Care for YOU!

This is not as obvious but we need to make sure within these routines and schedules that we don’t forget to take care of ourselves as parents. Personally, I do a modified version of The Miracle Morning.

I have been able to stick to my own routine hours before my kids wake up, but for you, your self-care time may be during your kids’ nap or quiet time. If you don’t have a built-in quiet time, I highly recommend incorporating one into your summer routine as well.

Again, this time can be for you as much as it is for your kids! 

Since we avoid screens as much as possible because my boys’ nervous systems just can’t handle it and it’s not worth the battles, they love to do projects from companies like Kiwi Crate (use code SHARE30 for 30% off) and Little Passports. And Legos are always a winner, too, of course!

Pssst… if you are running on empty, I have a Free eBook that walks you through how to take care of yourself so you have more to give to your family. Implementing these concepts have seriously been life-changing for me!

Schedule & Routine Ideas: What to Do In Summer Vacation

There are so many different ways you can make a summer schedule and daily/weekly routine. I have made printables of the different types that you can download here!!

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Block Schedules For Kids 

Although block schedule has “schedule” in the name, it is actually a way to help you keep a consistent daily routine by scheduling activities and tasks within blocks of time. The blocks remain the same every day; the activities and tasks typically change.

Sample Block Schedule

  • 7:00am – 9:00am (Block 1): MORNING ROUTINE – Get dressed, eat, brush teeth, get ready for the day
  • 9:00am – 12:00pm (Block 2): FUN ACTIVITY – Go somewhere fun or plan something to do at home on days you don’t feel like going anywhere. 
  • 12:00pm – 1:00pm (Block 3): LUNCH & CLEAN – Eat and clean up the kitchen.
  • 1:30pm – 4:00pm (Block 4:): QUIET TIME – Nap, rest, quiet or room time.
  • 4:00pm – 6:00pm (Block 5): DINNER – Prepare and eat dinner then clean up after dinner.
  • 6:00pm – 8:00pm (Block 6): BEDTIME ROUTINE – Hang out, read, and prepare for bedtime.

Activity Block Schedules

Another way to do a block schedule is to do the same activity in a certain block every day. 

I made a few different activity block schedules that you can customize. 

Master Activity List By Category

The first block schedule I created is inspired by Modern Minimalism! She created a master list of activities and tasks, and then grouped them all into categories like help, move, create, etc.

For the daily schedule, kids pick an activity under each category to do during that block of time.

Daily Routine with a Mind, Body, and Soul Focus

I often see these kinds of lists for kids to complete before they get screen time. It ensures they are filling their minds and bodies with good things first. 

The blocks in this schedule can be divided into 1.) Wake Up 2. ) Late Morning 3.) Afternoon and 4.) Evening

Wake-up tasks include everything that has to do with care:

Late Morning tasks include activities for the body such as: 

  • Ride bike
  • Exercise
  • Jump on the trampoline
  • Swim
  • Hike
  • Play with friends

Afternoon tasks include ways to build the brain such as: 

Evening tasks are whatever needs to happen to end the day or wind down:

Daily Checklist

I got this idea from one of my favorite parenting podcasts, Sunshine Parenting with Audrey Monke.

Instead of focusing on a specific schedule, your kids need to check off everything on the list each day. They can do the activities whenever they want as long as they get done. This kind of list is especially great for older kids and teenagers who don’t rely on you as much.

Summer Bucket List Schedules

I love the idea of having a summer bucket list although we have never done it. If you don’t know what a bucket list is, it’s a collection of aspirations, goals and dreams someone would like to accomplish before they leave this earth. This concept can be applied to kids and what they want to do in summer break.

There are different ways you can do a bucket list. You can pick from a huge list of activities like you can find on Busy Mom Smart Mom (Ultimate Summer Bucket List for Kids: 100+ Ways to Beat the Heat) or you can do a weekly bucket list schedule that includes places they want to go to and things they want to do; goals can be incorporated into the schedule as well. 

I’ve seen many bloggers make each day of the week a theme that starts with the same letter as that day of the week. Just check Pinterest! There are some very creative schedules out there! 

I created my own version of a summer bucket list printable for you as well!

Daily Summer Schedule and To-Do’s

Some families prefer to mix it up or change their schedule depending on the day. I’ve included a section for the schedule of events and tasks, gratitude, priorities, and meals.

You can either print out a new one to use every day or laminate it so you can reuse it over and over again. I love my laminator!

Good Ol’ Weekly Schedule

This is what our family has been using until we decide what we want our blocks to be. It’s super simple to use! I laminated ours so we could reuse it every week.

Every night, we figure out what we are going to do the following day and fill in the schedule. I keep it on the fridge so it’s super easy for the kids to see. They can also add to it!

Weekly Themed Schedules

One last way you can structure your summer schedule for kids can be to adapt from summer camp!

Each week has a theme and with a general block schedule already in place, the activities and tasks you do will revolve around that theme. Here are super fun themed schedules:

  • Camp, Learn, and Play – 17 weekly themes planned out for you! No Time For Flashcards
  • DIY Summer Camp – 11 weekly themes full of fun. Steamstational
  • Summer Camp at Home Planner – Weekly activities including snack ideas to go along with the theme. Printable Activities Club
  • At Home Summer Camps for Kids – 12 themed weeks with 84 activities including crafts, games, sensory play, dramatic play, open-play ideas, printables, and more! Teaching Mama
  • 12 Ideas To DIY Summer Camp at Home – Girl Mom Chaos
summer fun schedules
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What Will You Be Doing This Summer? 

Let me know if any of these schedules are helpful in planning your summer vacation with kids. If you have friends looking for routines or summer schedules, please share! 

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Vacation Packing List | Get Kids To Pack Without Any Help!

Inside: Packing for vacation can be overwhelming if you have more than one child. This post breaks down the best ways to teach kids how to pack their own suitcase or duffle bag! Included is a FREE packing checklist for kids.

(Originally published on June 3, 2019; updated on May 14, 2020)

Summer is just about here AND many states are reopening so who else is screaming, “FREEEDOM??!!!”

I am lifting my hands high!

It’s time to grab your vacation packing list and pack for vacation!

If you were planning on traveling to another state and that trip has been canceled, go on a staycation. Thankfully, we live in Arizona which has gorgeous resorts and hotels that are great for a one to three-day stay.

Or what we do often during the summer is go camping! Because unless water is involved, it can feel like our eyeballs are going to melt off of our faces. I wish I were kidding.

After saving for three years, we sold our pop-up camper and bought what I call “an apartment on wheels.” It’s a 30-foot pull-behind trailer with triple bunk beds, a king-size bed, microwave, oven, sink, and full bathroom. I feel like we’re cheating when I say we camp. However, we are able to head to the woods or campgrounds around 60 days a year! Our summers wouldn’t be the same without it.

The goal is to leave Phoenix every other week to escape the heat. We only need to drive a few hours before we are in a totally different climate surrounded by a totally different landscape (aka: grass and trees)!

teaching kids to pack with boy packing suitcase

This post may contain affiliate links, see disclosure policy for details.

When we first started taking a lot of road trips, I was losing my mind with having to pack for myself and three kids.

Since we camp, the vacation packing list is twice as long as it would be to stay in a hotel because I have to prep and shop for meals, pack bedding and toys, restock toiletries and paper products, in addition, to pack cool and hot weather clothes because the highs can be in the 70’s or 80s and the lows in the 30’s or 40’s!

It didn’t occur to me until my boys were six and eight that they were completely capable of packing their own clothes and entertainment items.

All they needed was a little direction and guidance which did NOT need to involve me. Woot Woot!

For You! Sign up for the Raising Kids With Purpose newsletter and receive a free vacation packing list for kids.

family standing at Cedar Breaks National Monument

Keep Reading: 4 Easy Steps for Teaching New Skills to Your Kids

Teach Your Kids How to Pack for Vacation

The first thing you need to do is explain to your kids that they are old enough to do a very important task – decide what to wear on vacation by packing all by themselves! Make sure you are very positive in your communication.

Last year, we came up with a vacation packing list together with all the potential items they will need for a road trip. Included is a quantities column that I fill out.

Then we followed the four steps to learning a new skill until they could pack without my help.

Now, our boys are responsible for packing everything they will need or use that isn’t already in the camper!

suitcase and packing list

What Kids Learn When They Pack For Themselves

I didn’t realize how many skills and lessons my kids would learn simply by being responsible for their own stuff by using a vacation packing list.

Ownership

My kids can no longer yell, “Mom! You didn’t pack my favorite Harry Potter pajamas!” or “Where is my favorite blanket?”

If they forget something, the only person they can blame is themselves. And you know happened when they forgot something? When they packed for the next trip, they remembered everything! Our brains learn through failure!

Responsibility

Kids need to have duty over something, act independently, and be given the opportunity to act independently. Packing for vacation is a perfect way to teach responsibility.

boys using packing list to pack for vacation

Self-belief, Self-confidence, and Self-esteem

Humans are born with a sense of wanting to have control over their lives. Packing for vacation can really boost a child’s sense of self-belief, self-confidence and self-esteem. Especially when they see their friends’ parent doing everything for them and forgetting their favorite toy.

Life Skills

Allow your kids to develop these skills while they are young, teachable and while they have you to help!

Independence

This is one of the main points of parenthood, to raise little people who become independent big people. Being responsible for packing all of their belongings is a gateway to independence.

Organizational Skills

If your kiddo struggles with executive function, you may need to help them a little more on this one, but ideally, they will learn how to organize items in a suitcase or duffle bag.

kids pack for vacation infographic

What To Pack For Vacation

In having the boys gather their own belongings for road trips, we have learned a few other things that help it go successfully.

On the vacation packing list they use, all of the following items are included:

Clothes, Shoes, and Accessories

In deciding how many items to bring, have your kids plan one outfit for each day plus two additional. With kids, you never know if an outfit will make it an entire day!

Let your kids pick out their outfits!

This has been a toughie for me especially because I like to take photos on our trips. Every photographer knows that colors and clothing make a big difference. Slowly, I’ve been embracing the neons mixed with patterns and colors that don’t complement each other. At all.

If mismatched clothes really do bother you then teach your kids how to put an outfit together. Use a color wheel to show what colors look best together and explain about solids and patterns.

It’s important to be okay with whatever they choose especially if they throw that color wheel out the window as my kids have! Kids also have a need to express who they are!

boy sitting on suitcase

Packing List Order:

  • Shirts (and or dresses for girls)
  • Shorts to match shirt (and anything to go with the dress like if they need leggings underneath)
  • Long sleeves (if needed)
  • Pants (if needed)
  • Socks and underwear
  • Sweatshirts or outwear that can go with the shorts
  • Pajamas – Even if they don’t typically wear these, we have them pack at least one pair when packing for vacation.
  • Hat(s)
  • Shoes – One pair of flip flops or sandals and one pair of tennis shoes usually does the trick
  • Water bottle – Check out these awesome Dyln bottles that create alkaline antioxidant water. Or Gululu is a smart water bottle made specifically for kids!
Encourages Healthy Drinking Habits

Don’t forget to check the weather. As I mentioned we often have to plan for both cold weather and hot weather outfits for each day.

Read Next: An Easy Way For Kids To Pack School Lunch (With FREE Lunch List)

boy packing toiletry bag

Toiletries

Let your kids pick out their own toiletry bag and make sure they fill it with at least the basics.

  • Shampoo
  • Body wash
  • A scrubby (doesn’t get gross like washcloths!)
  • Toothbrush and toothpaste
  • Comb, brush and hair accessories
  • Lastly, other helpful items are sunblock, moisturizer, and lip balm

Entertainment

This category is vital for kids ages one to twelve. Entertainment items are used for the car ride as well as in and outside the camper. Here are a few non-screen ideas:

Here are some great games to play once you get to the destination! *Some can probably be played in the car.

Pick the Best Packing Method For Each Child

Find a method using your vacation packing list that works for each child.

Again, using these four steps to teach your kids a new skill really works! Just tattoo the steps to your arm seeing you’ll be using them a lot while your kids are young. Ha!

mom and son packing for vacation

Ziplock Bags

A GREAT tip I came across for packing kids’ clothes in a suitcase or duffle bag is to use gallon-sized ziplock bags.

Have your kid use a sharpie to write his or her name on the bag. If your child needs some organizational help, he or she can label each bag with the day he or she plans on wearing each outfit.

Fold or Roll

There are basically two methods – fold or roll.

For most kids (especially those who want to get it done quickly), the rolling method is usually best. My son used one bag per outfit, one for socks and underwear and one more for pajamas.

boy packing using the rolling method

1. Roll – For shirts, fold in the sleeves and roll from the neck down. For pants, fold in half and roll from the waistband down.

Here’s a great video with a demonstration. Once the items are rolled, put both the top and bottom into a bag.

2. Fold – When folding the items, have your child make sure the clothes are flat. Match the top and bottoms and put into a ziplock bag. There are many different techniques to fold clothes.

Other Ways to Store the Clothes

As your kids get older, the ziplock bag trick may be harder to fit the clothes into because of the size of the clothes.

Packing cubes can do wonders!

Another idea a friend just told me is that she assigns different colored rubber bands for each of her four kids and wraps the rubber bands around the rolled clothing. No baggies required.

Teach Your Kids How to Pack a Suitcase or Dufflebag

The ziplock bag, packing cube or rubber band method all make it very easy to pack a bag or suitcase. Some kids are naturally organized but others need to be taught how to stack and arrange clothes.

Show your kids how to utilize the different sections in a suitcase or bag that make it easiest to find what they need.

Download Your Free Packing List

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To help my kids, together, we made a packing list with all the items they usually need to pack for vacation. I used my handy dandy laminator so they can write on the sheets with a dry erase marker and wipe it clean after every vacation or road trip.

For you, I’ve updated it and made two different lists – one for girls and the other for boys.

kid-friendly packing list printable

Oftentimes, I put the numbers in the quantity column but have recently been asking them how many items they think they need.

Having your kids think for themselves is just as important as getting stuff done independently. So far, my boys have been right on as they realize how dirty they get.

Do your children pack for vacation?

Have any questions or additional tips? I’d love to hear! Comment below.

And feel free to share with friends who are heading on vacation!

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boy with suitcase in front of house

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My Kids Are Driving Me Crazy So I’m Doing These 4 Things!

Inside: Do you ever say this to yourself, “My kids are driving me crazy?” I sure have over this time of being stuck inside so here’s what I did to stay connected and not lose my mind!

I couldn’t get to the back door fast enough. As my hand turned the knob, the pressure started to release like I was opening the valve on top of an Instant Pot.

I let loose. But instead of a “Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” sound, what came out of me was more of a high-pitched scream.

I screamed on top of my lungs right outside my back door.

From inside, my kids sat and watched me through the windows wide-eyed.

My physical body could no longer handle how I was feeling from my kids’ behavior, being trapped in the house, and being forced to be an introvert. All new territory. Ultimately, I thought my kids were driving me crazy to the point of completely losing my marbles.

Please note: I did explain to my boys afterward what happened and repaired any damage. They found humor in how I was acting. I also told them how it’s never good to bottle up emotions or they might end up scaring the neighbors like me. Oh, goodness.

Two days after this moment, I started to develop shingles on my scalp and left side of my face. Honestly, I thought it was deep cystic acne from all the stress. I was no longer in control of anything in my life or so it seemed.

my kids are driving me crazy

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Why Are My Kids Are Driving Me Crazy?!

The first step to any emotional challenge is to figure out the why behind the behavior. The huge iceberg we can’t see beneath the surface.

I made an iceberg infographic in regard to child behavior for this post on why parenting is hard, but I realized that it can totally be applied to us parents too! Or at least me!

behavior management iceberg

Crying, check.

Isolation, check.

Yelling, check.

Agression, check.

Tantrum, check if you count standing on the back porch screaming.

So what was causing all these “behaviors”? And why did I feel like my kids were driving me crazy?

This took quite the discovery to see what was beneath the surface.

It didn’t even really involve anything my kids did! Well, maybe a little. They had a focus of a hamster and weren’t exactly motivated to do what was on my agenda.

Paraphrased: They weren’t doing what I wanted when I wanted without considering how they were feeling even though their life just completely changed, too. I offered no empathy and threw everything I know about brain development or how to take care of myself out the window.

Instead of giving them the space they needed or focusing on connection, I kept pushing and pushing until I began to spiral out of control of my own thoughts and emotions.

I felt weary, exhausted, anxious, and out-of-my-mind-stressed because of mom guilt and a loss of control.

mom stress

There were a whole lot of “should’ve’s” circling around in my mind.

“My kids should get started with school right at 9:00am.”

“I should be able to leave my house.”

“My house should stay clean all day.”

“We should all be acting thankful that we have each other and get to spend so much time together.”

“We should be able to do a fun craft that everyone enjoys doing.” And if I’m being really honest, I was hoping for those moments that I could capture and post to social media to show how we’re surviving and thriving during all of this. Yes, I’m totally giving myself a huge eye roll as I type this!

One last reason I got to the point of feeling like my kids were driving me crazy is because I was thrown into experiencing a brand new way of life. Stuck at home, with all males, nowhere to go and no friends to play with.

While I write this, we’re still in quarantine.

Everything is shut down including parks, libraries, schools, restaurants, national parks, organized sports, the gym (insert huge sad face here), and basically any place besides our house that we want to go to or do.

This is our reality for now and by bringing how I felt into perspective, I was able to chill out a little and start making some changes. You know, to avoid the whole screaming on the back porch incident.

family gone crazy

How I Get My Kids to Stop Driving Me Crazy

It took some work but over the course of a few weeks, I was able to lean into God’s Word more, feel wrapped in His grace, and have a shift in my mindset.

The guilt, shame and loss of control slowly started to lift off of my shoulders.

Here are a few things that are helping me stay sane and not let my kids’ affect me as much.

1. I Get Crazy!

This may be a little unconventional but I have spent most of my life striving to be different.

I kid you not when I say, I get crazy.

Crazy as in fun, playful and silly.

fun mom and son

Laugh

Anytime I start to feel the stress start to seep into my body, I begin to laugh uncontrollably. It’s scientifically proven that laughter is quite contagious and can completely change the mood of a room (or kitchen during school time).

If you know my kids, you should ask them about this new trait of mine. Ha! I may have scared my boys at first but it didn’t take long before they started laughing, too.

And if laughing doesn’t work, I dance.

Dance

Google Home is my best friend blasting KidzBop so I can shimmy around my kitchen island letting the music move me. Literally. Dancing for friends on Marco Polo and having them dance back also brings me joy.

Just yesterday, my oldest taught my son to say, “Can’t Touch This. Hammer Time,” so we spent at least an hour learning the lyrics while doing our best Hammer moves. “My, my, my, my music hits me so hard…”

Tell Puns and Jokes

If I can’t get my kids to make eye contact with me or listen to a word that’s coming out of my mouth, I begin to speak in puns and jokes.

How can my kids continue to ignore me when I’m telling them the corniest jokes ever?

Become an Animal

I told you I get crazy.

This one is most loved by my toddler who probably affects my emotions the most. His whining and crying over not getting a toy he wants has been getting under my skin more than I would like to admit.

So when my stress response is triggered and I’m ready to yell or feel like I want to shake him (please note: I don’t ever do this but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to sometimes), alternatively, I become a monkey.

Monkeys are the easiest to imitate but I’ve been a lion, snake, and even a mouse. It not only helps my kids listen but it prevents my amygdala from taking over. I can access my thinker part of my brain where creativity is also found.

So you may not want to turn into an animal and that’s okay. It took me a while to get there, too. Ha!

I do dare you to get crazy in one way or another though!

2. I Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is so powerful.

I always thought it was against my religion because I associated it with emptying the mind. Wow oh wow was I wrong. It’s actually about FILLING your mind with all things that are good just as the Bible teaches us. And you don’t even need to be a believer to practice mindfulness. It’s free and for all people!

Waking up early, meditating on script

ure, having a sit spot, journaling, and getting back to practicing my deep breathing are all saving my booty during this time! (I came across these gorgeous leather journals that feel so great to write in and will last for years. I’m super weird and love to have a journal that feels good!)

To learn more about how to practice mindfulness, check out this post: 5 Creative Mindfulness Exercises For Parents In a Time Of Chaos! And as a bonus for signing up to join my email list, you will receive this Taking Care of MYSELF eBook!

get outdoors with kids

3. I Become One With Nature

Okay, so I don’t really become one with nature because I don’t even know what that means. I wanted to see if you were paying attention.

What I do though is get out in nature as long as it’s not over 100 degrees. We have been hiking a lot on nearby trails and exploring a local nature preserve. Desert hiking is incredible. The wildflowers this year were so beautiful and I can’t ever get enough of flowering cacti!

As I stared at the cactus blooms, I see myself. I am blooming among this thorny time in life right now.

cactus flower

And if we can’t go hiking because of the heat (and rattlesnakes, oh my!), we drive a few hours north to camp. I can’t wait to head to Flagstaff to sit in the cool pines next week. Since we don’t have the kind of nature that fills my soul readily available outside of our door, having a camper is the next best thing!

In an article on University of Minnesota’s Take Care of Your Wellbeing, they say, “Being in nature, or even viewing scenes of nature, reduces anger, fear, and stress and increases pleasant feelings. Exposure to nature not only makes you feel better emotionally, it contributes to your physical wellbeing, reducing blood pressure, heart rate, muscle tension, and the production of stress hormones. It may even reduce mortality, according to scientists such as public health researchers Stamatakis and Mitchell.”

4. I Tap Out

When I just can’t get my stuff together, I physically tap out.

My husband will often tap in. He usually puts the boys to work or turns a movie on, but hey, whatever works! If we were able to hang out with others, I would ask for help from friends, too. It takes an army, I tell ya!

Or I tap out by walking outside to breathe, look at the trees and listen to the birds. Again mindfulness.

If I can’t go outside I’ll lock myself in my closet or bathroom for a few minutes. I thought my husband was crazy for putting security cameras throughout the house, but they really come in handy when I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Discovering What’s Driving You Crazy

If you are having similar feelings or you can’t figure out how to access a state of calm, I recommend figuring out where those emotions are coming from before you do anything else!

Here are some great ways to discover why your kids may be driving you crazy:

  1. Write it down. Brain dump every emotion and feeling inside your body. If you pray, use this time to write out prayers too!
  2. Talk to a friend. I’m beyond thankful for social distancing coffee dates my friends and I have been having. They are FILLING my soul. Also, as I get rid of all the junk that’s stuffed inside, I can discover why I’m feeling that way.
  3. Talk to your wall. I’m not kidding! Sit on the end of your bed and spill the beans to your bedroom walls. Explain events that have been happening, your reactions, and your kids’ reactions. You’ll be surprised at how awesome this works in figuring out what’s beneath the surface.
  4. Pray. Give it a try. Ask God to take the wheel and He will!

Next Time Before I Scream

Next time my kids are driving me crazy, like in ten minutes, my first response is going to be to take care of myself. Breathe, shake it off, and who knows, become a pig!

Although I felt shame and guilt for screaming on my back porch that day, I did what my body needed. I was in dire need of getting rid of all the emotional junk stuffed inside me. Being a parent is hard stuff so let’s all take it one moment at a time.

Here’s to being human!

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How to Handle Parent-Child Conflict To Avoid Permanent Emotional Damage

Inside: Parent-child conflict can be tough on a relationship. To raise emotionally healthy kids, it’s quite healthy to have ruptures, but it’s vital that you repair them afterward. Here are very simple ways to help your child grow to have a strong sense of self and grow to have healthy relationships in his or her life.

My husband was away on a trip leaving the house to me and our three boys. Typically, being alone didn’t phase me much. However, on this particular day, my inner beast apparently had been waiting to be released from its cage. 

Having a manageable schedule is very important for us all to stay sane.

I am usually great about not having too many activities or commitments on the calendar. Yet, I quickly found myself asking, “Why did I tell my son we would go indoor rock climbing after school when his brother also has soccer practice?”

As we were so close to leaving, everyone began to unravel one by one. My anxious seven-year-old was feeling rushed so he decided he was not leaving the house and refused to get his shoes on. 

It happened so fast. I was calm until the beast escaped. 

Before I knew it, my son and I were lying flat on the floor of the laundry room sobbing. He was angry and I was sad. Very sad. 

How did we get here? 

This post contains affiliate links, see disclosure policy for details.

Rupture and Repair

When a connection between you and your child breaks, this is called a rupture. 

A rupture can be any non-positive experience between the two of you such as an argument, misunderstanding, or disagreement. It can also be when your child is upset because of the limitations and rules you have to enforce.

Ruptures are an inevitable part of parenting. It is impossible and quite unhealthy to avoid any kind of conflict with your child, but what is extremely important is that we mend what is broken. 

We must regain control, let the dust settle, then go in and clean up the wreckage. 

Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of Parenting From The Inside Out refers to this as rupture and repair. 

conflict with kids

If we don’t repair the ruptures in our relationship, it can affect our child’s sense of self.

Unresolved parent-child conflict can also result in the child experiencing a deep sense of shame and humiliation, developing feelings of inadequacy, pulling away from others, and growing to feel that there is something wrong or defective about him or herself. This can take a serious toll on your child as he or she grows older affecting many aspects of his or her adult life. 

Serious emotional damage can result in our lack of repairing the experience or situation.

This is especially true if there are repeated offenses.

The INCREDIBLE news is that if repaired, ruptures are actually healthy for your child’s cognitive development and sense of self. Additionally, your relationship will be strong and can last a lifetime. 

This doesn’t give us a free pass to fly off the handle every day as we should be working on our own self-control, but it does give us imperfectly perfect mamas hope. 

Read Next: 11 Ways to Build a Strong Parent-Child Relationship

How to Repair Ruptures With Your Child

What exactly does this repair process look like? It’s actually quite simple!

1. Calm Down

Take a moment to recenter yourself so you can go in without shaming, blaming or adding fuel to the fire. Instead, stop, drop, pray, and breathe. 

Stop what you are doing. 

Drop any agenda or preconceived notions of what should be happening at this moment. 

And pray something simple like, “God I know I’m safe with you.”

Mantras such as “My child would do well if he could right now,” or “I’m breathing in calm and breathing out calm,” all can do the trick. 

mantras for moms and parents

Lastly, you want to breathe and redirect your focus by using your senses. 

There are many breathing strategies to calm your nervous system. My go-to is called 5-7-8. I breathe in for 5 seconds, hold for 7, then blow out for 8. This works great for my kids, too! 

Once the breathing kicks in, then you can do some other grounding techniques such as notice a few items in the room, touch a few things, see if you smell anything (hopefully it’s a good smell instead of an icky one!), and bring your awareness to a taste like if you have a drink nearby or a small piece of chocolate. 

I have a friend who “touches the earth” to bring a sense of calm to her mind and body. She will literally lay her hands flat on her granite countertop, close her eyes and breathe deeply. Don’t knock it until you try it! There is power in God’s creation around us for sure!

Related: 5 Creative Mindfulness Exercises For Parents In a Time Of Chaos

mindfulness for moms

2. Initiate the Repair and Heal the Rupture

Once you are in a calm state and your view is no longer clouded by strong feelings of frustration or anger, it’s time to go in and 

repair, repair, repair!!

When you are the one to initiate the repair, you are telling your child that he or she matters. You are showing love and respect in a time when they need it most – when they are at their worst. 

As you repair the rupture, attune to your child’s needs. Remember, behavior is an unmet need. 

If your toddler just did something that appears to blatantly be disobedient, stop and think about what unmet need he or she has. Or what is your child communicating to you? Is he tired, hungry, or overstimulated? We teach empathy through being empathic with our kids. 

Get on your son or daughter’s eye level. Some kids may need your positive touch or be close to you while others will need physical space. I’ve asked my kids what they prefer and I have one who wants a hug and another son who wants me to leave the room for a moment. 

Related: The Very First Thing Parents Must Do Before Correcting Behavior

Dr. Daniel Siegel suggests that the communication be neutral. It can be natural to blame but refrain from doing this as it’s unhelpful. 

He uses this example dialogue, “This has been so difficult for both of us fighting like this. I really want to feel good about each other again. Let’s talk about it.”  

Lastly, don’t forget to process what triggered your own reaction. The more we bring awareness and make sense of our own childhood and life experiences, the more control we will have over our own emotions.

parent child relationship after conflict

3. Allow Your Child To Express His or Her Feelings

The last step can often be overlooked, but it’s the last piece of the puzzle toward healthy emotional and cognitive development. 

Ask your child how he or she felt during your parent-child conflict. Take the time to really listen without judgment. Then, reflect back on what you heard. Their experience may be different than what you think. 

I often ask my boys where they feel their anger, sadness, or frustration. For my middle son, he feels it in his hands and mouth which is probably why he hits and screams. My other son feels it in his head and will often develop a headache. 

After they tell me about their physical sensations, I reciprocate and let them know where I can feel my big feelings. Again, empathy. 

For younger children, play may be helpful to repair the rupture. Bring it to their developmental level. Hand your toddler a stuffed animal and act out what happened. This often makes me laugh. And you know what they say about humor…it is the best medicine! 

learning social emotional intelligence through play

On The Laundry Room Floor

The reason my son and I were on the laundry room floor that day is that I allowed my anxiety to direct my actions. I became controlling as I could only focus on getting him into the car. My fear of being late escalated my stress. 

As we were making our way to the door, I tripped and fell into him leaving us in a hysterical heap surrounded by dirty socks, pants, and shirts.  

I had to pull myself together, ask God to wrap His arms around me and find a state of calm so I could repair this awful rupture.

Yes, we were going to be late. However, I realized that my relationship with my child was far more important than not getting to soccer practice on time. 

With my eyes still filled with tears, I looked at him and said, “I’m sorry. I know you don’t like to be rushed. I was only thinking about myself because I didn’t want to be late. Let me know how I can help you.” 

He looked back at me as the anger and sadness slowly melted off his face. He hugged me and quietly replied, “I’m sorry I wouldn’t get my shoes on. I love you too.”

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How to Stop Siblings Fighting Without Getting Involved

Inside: Siblings fighting can cause a lot of stress and anxiety for everyone in the family. This is definitely true for this scary time as we are not getting any breaks from each other. The best way to manage sibling conflict is by providing them the tools to develop skills they may not yet have.

Last spring, I was sitting in the shallow water of my gym’s beach entry pool when I overheard siblings fighting. I didn’t really pay much attention until I heard the mom’s response to them screaming her name wanting her to intervene.

Instead of telling them how to solve the problem, she simply asked, “Well, did you, “Walk, talk or rock?”

Did they what?!

You know, my ears perked up.

The little girl told her her mom, no, then went off with her brother and they talked a little and came up with a solution on their own. The fight ended in about two minutes flat before they were off playing with each other again.

stop siblings fighting

The Reasons Siblings Fight

I break down the reasons siblings fight in this post. Basically, a lot is at play when it comes to brothers and sisters not being able to get along. Here are some of the main reasons:

  1. Development and maturity
  2. Sensory challenges
  3. Self-regulation skills
  4. Personality conflicts
  5. What is being modeled by peers, adults in their lives or other influences such as TV
  6. Culture
  7. Competition

It is good to look at the why behind any behavior so you know what to target in order for a change to happen. For my older boys, self-regulation and major sensory challenges and maturity all play a role in their sibling conflicts. One is incredibly impulsive and the other is highly sensitive so fighting can’t always be avoided.

The Key to Stop Siblings Fighting

My natural instinct when approaching a sibling quarrel is to correct, maybe increase the volume of my voice, use a strict tone and try to get them to stop immediately.

Or simply yell, “STOP FIGHTING!” or “BE NICE!”

However, this isn’t very effective. Womp Womp.

The reason is that if we take into account all the reasons why they might be fighting, being nice may not do the trick or they may not be able to stop due to how their brains are wired.

Instead, the key to eliminating siblings fighting is to teach your kids how to manage their own conflict.

On their own.

Without your involvement.

So really, this isn’t about keeping your kids from fighting but rather teach them how to resolve the conflicts they’re bound to have.

ending sibling fighting

I recently read this quote from Corinna Tucker, a professor at the University of New Hampshire, “The sibling relationship is where you learn how to fight.”

Oooh, that’s good!

As kids grow into teens and then into adults, they will face conflict with friends, family, teachers, coaches, co-workers, or bosses. Where they get the best practice to resolve conflicts is with their own brothers and sisters under your roof!

Become Your Children’s COACH

Kids need to be taught how to resolve their own fighting. The best way to do this is to mediate the situation.

This does not mean you tell your kids what to say such as, “Tell him sorry,” or “Give back her toy,” but instead, guide the siblings into coming up with their own solution to the problem.

Remember, this is their problem, not yours!

What does this look like in the real world?

I’ve broken down what parenting experts recommend in teaching kids very important life skills such as conflict management, empathy, and perspective-taking.

Fighting Rules

You want to make sure you set ground rules ahead of time. Include your kids in deciding what these rules should be at your next family meeting.

There is a good chance they won’t follow all of these rules all of the time, but they’re good to have so your kids know what to strive for and what is important to your family.

Pssst: You can snag this as a poster along with the “Our Family’s Fighting Rules” Poster when you sign up for my newsletter.

Calm Down Time

If the situation is already heated, there is zero reason to focus on getting your kids to work out a problem.

They can’t.

In order to think rationally, kids need to first be connected to the thinker part of the brain, the prefrontal cortex. This shuts down and is inaccessible when the brain perceives a threat. It goes into fight or flight and angry, frustrated, or super sad states.

In our house, the first step is to separate.

For some reason though, this is very difficult for our boys to do. Although they’ll be mad at each other, they can not physically get away. As a parent, it’s so frustrating. What we have been focusing on is getting them to be self-motivated to leave each other alone to cool off.

Read next: How to Define and Discover Your Family Values

Talk It Out

If your kids are younger, they may need your help in mediating who talks first. Allow each child to tell his or her side of the story and make sure the sibling actually listens.

As your kids get older, they need to learn how to do this on their own while following the fighting rules. It’s very hard to listen when someone is shouting or touching you.

Talking it out is much easier for siblings to do if they are given tools on how to communicate.

We have adopted “A Bug and a Wish” and “I feel when statements.” This makes it easy for each of our boys to express his or her feelings using words, not hands. In turn, it helps the child receiving the message understand how his or her actions are affecting others.

Perspective Taking

This is a big part in resolving conflicts. Kids are self-centered thanks to the under-development of the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex. They don’t have the developmental skills to understand or interpret how their actions affect another; especially a sibling. Therefore, they need to be taught.

A great way to do this is to ask questions! “How did your actions make your little sister feel?” or “Do you notice how he is feeling right now after you pinched his arm?”

Allow your child to do the thinking with your guidance!

>>Bonus Tip!

I read a research study about how siblings fighting can lead to poor mental health to my 10-year-old and immediately, I could see that he had an “uh oh” feeling in his gut. I wasn’t using this information to make him feel shame but rather, a little guilt. It helped him understand that his actions can make a lasting impact on others – for better or for worse.

Since sharing that information, his perspective has shifted a little causing him to put a lot more effort into resolving conflicts with his brother in a non-physical way. It has really brought them closer together…for the time being.

Solution Time

Typically, by the time our kids talk it out, they’re already onto the next thing. However, some conflicts need solutions. The reason is for both parties to move on so that conflict doesn’t happen again in the near future.

This can be done in any fashion that works best for your family. Every child is unique and handles stress differently. Siblings can write ideas that would work for both kids, draw pictures, or simply both come up with an idea and decide on which one would work best.

sibling relationships

Act of Kindness

One last thing we do if the “offense” is bad is to encourage the offender to do an act of kindness for the brother or sister. Another phrase we often use is, “What can you do to make things right.” We also ask, “How do you think he or she is feeling?” This is instead of forcing a child to say, “sorry.”

A great way to do this is to have your kids fill out these kindness cards by For Purpose Kids! Or another suggestion could be to do chores for each other or play a preferred game.

parenting boys crazy life

Your Role in Ending Sibling Fighting

All of the above steps help kids resolve their own conflicts. When teaching these skills to your kids, it’s important that you:

  1. Let your kids work out the problems on their own
  2. Only intervene if it’s getting physical or harmful
  3. Do not take sides
  4. Model good conflict management yourself
  5. Have patience

Walk, Talk, or Rock

Now back to walk, talk, or rock. After understanding what needs to happen to help kids solve their own conflicts and fight less, this strategy is brilliant!

This simple parenting tool incorporates basic conflict management skills for kids in a playful way that gives your kids control.

When introducing the concept go through what each of the words means:

Walk – Either party can choose to walk AWAY. As I mentioned, our boys have a very tough time with this one. But for some reason, if it’s an option in this context, they are more likely to do it.

Talk – Together, your kids can choose to use their words (not hands) to solve the problem. Give them different ways to talk as mentioned above.

Rock – If the argument is over a toy that one person wants or an activity he or she wants to do, the siblings can do, “rock, paper, scissors” to see who gets it. This could cause more issues but usually, it’s a quick solution.

As I was writing this, I overheard my seven-year-old doing rock, paper, scissors with my toddler. My little guy didn’t really get it and just got angrier. So maybe, this strategy is better for kids who are a tad older!

Ending Siblings Fighting

Next time your kids are ready to battle it out, instead of running to the rescue and solving their problem or telling them what to do, let them work it out. And if they don’t have the tools yet, start loading up that toolbox!

Bonus! Fighting Rules!

For you! When you sign up for my newsletter, you will get a PDF you can download with two different fighting rules posters to hang and use as a reminder for your kids.

fighting rules
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How do you handle sibling conflict?

Comment below and let me know what kind of tricks, tips, or strategies you employ when there is constant fighting in your house!

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7 Reasons Siblings Fight Constantly

Inside: Understanding the reasons why siblings fight constantly can help you eliminate the bickering, arguing or fighting. This is the first step to bringing peace to your home.

In December, we got a trampoline. My boys play together and get so much energy out on that thing. However, a little friendly flipping competition or play wrestling match often turns into someone crying from pain or yelling because of an argument.

As a parent, hearing kids fight can be painful. Or if I’m completely honest, frustrating and sometimes annoying.

Why can’t everyone just get along? I’m telling you, the world would be a much better place if people including siblings were kind to each other!

reasons siblings fight

This post may contain affiliate links. I will make a small commission if you make a purchase through one of these links, at no extra cost to you. See my disclosure policy here.

Siblings Who Fight Constantly Can Be Linked to Poor Mental Health

I am totally guilty of not taking siblings fighting seriously.

It’s very common so part of me thought it was good for character development.

For the most part, our boys play really well together and can be best friends.

However, there are many times when their play wrestling goes a step too far. Also, if one boy is tired, hungry, needing attention, or all of the above, the fighting escalates to an unsafe level. And it never fails that one of my older boys will fight with my toddler over who owns what toy.

Why does that even matter?!

I don’t love that they fight, but I also know I can’t be the person solving their problems. There’s no way I could show up for them if I did; I would run out of gas by midday.

brothers fighting

Read Next: The Real Reasons Parenting is Hard and How to Make It Easier

Whenever I’m facing any kind of parenting problem, my first go-to is to hit the research. Yes, I pray and have mommy intuition, but the research is usually right on.

I was looking for studies on the reasons siblings fight constantly and what kept coming up was…

Siblings fighting can actually lead to poor mental health.

According to Science Daily, “Fights between siblings are so common they’re often dismissed as simply part of growing up. Yet a new study finds that sibling aggression is associated with significantly worse mental health in children and adolescents. In some cases, the effects of sibling aggression on mental health were the same as those of peer aggression.”

Therefore, when siblings fight constantly, it can cause problems that should not be shoved under the rug or shrugged off. Instead, we need to communicate to our kids how important it is to get along or leave the other sibling alone.

fighting rules

7 Reasons Siblings Fight

To fix the problem, we need to know why the problem exists. The reasons below are adapted by Kids Health with a few of my own observations.

1. Development

One reason brothers and sisters constantly fight is because of brain development. Kids may not have the skills to understand why their siblings are acting a certain way. Or it can be how they are trying to figure out the world.

A common saying is that relationships take work.

This rings even more true for growing children whose brains don’t have the skills to interpret how another person feels let alone unpack his or her own feelings.

constant fighting between toddler and older siblings

3 General Stages That Impact Siblings Fighting:

  • Toddlers & Preschoolers | Discovering independence, beginning to understand possession
  • School-Age Kids | Fighting for autonomy, having a strong sense of equality (or what is or isn’t fair) and knowing what’s right and wrong.
  • Pre-teens and Teenagers | Coming into their own, discovering who they are apart from their parents.

2. Self-Regulation Development

The ability to self-regulate is a huge one.

Neurotypical kids usually start to self-regulate by ages four or five. However, if your child has asynchronous development happening in his or her brain as my boys do, then this skill may come later.

Kids need to manage their own problems and stress responses before being able to understand others. You can find more information on self-regulation in this post.

For You! By subscribing to be part of the Raising Kids With Purpose community, you will receive a free calm down toolkit.

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3. Personality

It’s no secret that some personalities just don’t mix.

According to the Child Development Institute, “Personality is determined by the interaction of temperament traits with the environment. Each person (including your child) comes with factory-installed wiring.”

Your kids could have temperaments that don’t mesh well. This is not an excuse to allow them to fight, but rather, something worth looking into to see how they can build each other up. A great way to do this is to have each kiddo learn what their siblings’ core character strengths are.

Besides looking at their strengths, there are nine temperamental traits that may help you discover why contention rises. They are activity level, distractibility, intensity, regularity, sensory threshold, approach/withdrawal, adaptability, persistence, and mood.

Any bells going off as you read through those attributes?

I can hear the sirens blaring as I skim past every single one!

Something else to keep in mind is when kids have special needs or behavioral challenges as that can also add fuel to the fire. We have some of that in this house so what would be a small argument can turn into a full-blown brawl if not stopped immediately.

4. How Fighting Is Modeled

Ooooh, this one can sting a little bit.

Our kids learn through observing and imitating. Witnessing conflicts being resolved between you and your partner or between you and anybody for that matter can impact how your kids interact with each other. This also goes for any other influence they have such as television shows, video games, and other people they spend a lot of time with.

It’s important to connect before you correct and remain calm when correcting behavior. One of those reasons is that the way you treat your child will impact how he or she treats a sibling.

And you know what, your kids may be acting in ways that you never do. Most likely, they have outside influences. Kids learn a whole slew of words and actions from peers and other adults in their lives.

siblings fight constantly

If this is happening, bring it up!

I often will tell my boys, “When I disagree with dad on something, I don’t just go up to him and slap him in the back or punch him in the face. Wouldn’t that be silly if I did?” They usually agree and are slowly making the connection of the kind of behavior they should have with each other, especially during a disagreement.

5. Sensory Challenges

The research has been pouring out over the last decade about sensory integration.

Every person perceives what he or she tastes, touches, hears, sees or smells differently from each other. In addition to those basic five senses, there are also vestibular (balance) and proprioceptive (awareness of body in space) senses that can affect mood and the way kids interact with each other.

Kid Sense explains sensory integration as “…the effective registration (and accurate interpretation) of sensory input in the environment (including one’s body). It is the way the brain receives, organizes, and responds to sensory input in order to behave in a meaningful & consistent manner.”

Our family has two kiddos with sensory processing sensitivity which makes them extra sensitive to noise and touch. And these challenges have a major impact on whether or not they can get along with each other.

We used to have music playing in our house nonstop. What I realized is that the extra noise was causing sensory overload which led to more fighting and physical touch between my boys.

There is a common misconception that only children with diagnoses have a sensory challenge. Any child can be more sensitive. To figure this out, simply observe how each of your children reacts to his or her environment. Also, a friend recently introduced me to this quiz on highly sensitive people that you can take for your kids AND yourself!

6. Culture

Culture impacts behavior in everyone. A child’s environment will affect how he or she sees the world including how he or she treats a sibling.

Research even shows that culture may shape how the brain processes anything visual.

This is important to keep in mind when siblings fighting is driving you bananas.

sibling competition

7. Competition

Anyone else have kids who literally turn everything into a competition or comparison? There is a laundry list of reasons why sibling rivalry exists.

Read Next: Quality Time: The Best Way to Stop Unwanted Behavior and Sibling Fighting

Self-determination theory explains that all humans are born with three basic psychological needs, autonomy, relatedness, and competence. Therefore, kids want to be separate from their siblings and define who they are as individuals. There may also be a need to feel less competent when compared to a sibling which can cause more contention.

Another piece of the puzzle is that kids have what I call an attention bucket that needs to be filled by their parents. If that bucket is empty, a child may be competing for the attention and love they innately crave.

reasons siblings fight infographic

Do Your Kids Fight?

What is it like at your house? Do you have siblings who fight constantly? Or just fight some of the time? I hope that with this list of reasons, you can chisel away some of the problems in order to bring more peace into your home.

As I said, no one wants to hear their kids fighting all day.

In my next post, I will uncover the best way to get siblings to stop fighting which a lot of parents don’t typically do.

And if you know friends who can’t figure out why their kids fight all the time, please SHARE the love.

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How to Have an Epic Virtual Birthday Party For Kids

Inside you will find how to have a virtual birthday party for a school-aged kid. Having an online party is a great idea during quarantine, if you’re stuck at home or because your family and friends live far away. Don’t miss the video of all of our fun at the bottom of this post!

My middle son has been talking about his birthday party for months.

Of course, when it was getting time to plan one, everyone was advised to socially distance ourselves from others. Womp womp.

A few weeks ago, the topic of what to do for birthday parties came up in my bible study group chat.

There are so many great ideas for virtual birthday parties!

My friend said they sent out an invitation to their friends and family to have a virtual birthday party! They included an Amazon wish list but encouraged “guests” to send cards because what kid doesn’t like getting physical mail? She also mentioned they were going to do a Lego Challenge during the party.

This got my wheels turning for my son’s party. Together, the birthday boy and I came up with a game plan.

virtual birthday party planning

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How to Have an Epic Virtual Birthday Party

Let’s break down how to have a birthday party for the books!

The great thing about having an eight-year-old’s birthday party online is that there doesn’t need to be a ton of planning and barely any physical preparation.

It’s also easier for guests because they don’t have to go anywhere and if they really wanted to, they could attend without pants on!

Although, I do recommend pants for this kind of virtual party.

Planning an Online Party

Pick A Theme

We always start party planning with a theme. For a virtual party, this is also helpful.

My son chose Minecraft. He only gets limited time 1-2 times a week to play, but when he does, it is all he can talk about.

Pick an Activity

The next step is to pick an activity you can do virtually.

Virtual chatrooms are GREAT, however, when you have many people all on at once with no one leading a discussion, it can get chaotic. For this reason, we wanted to give everyone something to do.

A few fun virtual party ideas:

  1. Build Legos
  2. Draw pictures
  3. Do an art lesson
  4. Play a singing or “play that tune” kind of game
  5. Have a dance-Off or do other dance games
  6. Do a Sing-Along
  7. Have a cook or Bake-Off
  8. Play games – Simon Says or the 20 Questions Game can both work well virtually (Remember, there’s a chat option in Zoom!)
  9. Read stories popcorn style
  10. Play charades
  11. Practice yoga
  12. Play guessing Games – Hold an item up or show a small part of a drawing and everyone guesses what it is.
  13. Do a scavenger hunt
virtual scavenger hunt

Doing a virtual scavenger hunt fits perfectly with Minecraft as the game has a plethora of tools and options to pick from. We knew instantly that we would come up with a list of items for the guests to go find.

Pick a “Place”, Date and Time

Every birthday party needs these elements: date, time and location.

Online Place: The location piece of this online birthday party is the EASIEST part. Everyone gets to stay at home!

You do need to pick a video conferencing software and set up a call for everyone to call into at once. The most popular that I know of right now is Zoom. Although, there are many other alternatives that could work so pick what is best for you!

Zoom was super easy to use. I set up the meeting, got a meeting ID and included that in the description in the Evite.

Date: We decided to have the party on my son’s actual birthday since it fell on a Friday this year. We sent out the online invitation about 10 days before the party. That gave people plenty of time to mail a card or send a gift and make plans to be on the call.

Time: When picking a time, keep timezones in mind. We are in Pacific Time right now but invited a lot of people from the east coast.

With this in mind, we chose to start at 4:30 PM PST/7:30 PM ET. After work but before bed!

evite invitation

Virtually Send Out the Invitation

Once we had a plan, we put a guest list together, compiled everyone’s emails and sent out the Evite. There are many virtual birthday party invitation sites available such as:

Or if you’re into physical invitations and have plenty of time to get them out, there are great sites like Purple Trail who has a service that sends out the invites for you!

Party Prep

Once the idea was set and the invitations were sent, the last thing we needed to do was prepare for the scavenger hunt.

This was my favorite part because it was very minimal.

minecraft scavenger hunt virtual birthday party

Party Favors

We encouraged friends to stop by with the option to drop off cards or gifts on our porch throughout the day.

At an in-person birthday party, kids typically get a goodie bag so we wanted to incorporate that element into our son’s virtual birthday party as well.

For all local friends (we have no family in the state we live in), we had small bags with a few fun Minecraft-themed items such as these super cool sunglasses (hello! We live in Arizona!), Minecraft pencils and Minecraft stickers.

Thankfully, we had these colorful paper bags leftover from last year’s Ninjago themed party.

goodie bags

Activity Prep

Before the party, prepare any materials you are going to need for the activity you have planned.

For the scavenger hunt, our son looked up a master list of all Minecraft items then wrote down what he thought would work well for the party.

Sending Out A Reminder

Thankfully, Evite sends out an automatic reminder a few days before the virtual party. In addition to that, I sent out a personalized email to everyone who was going to be on the Zoom call with specific instructions.

Seeing that we had some guests who may not have used Zoom before, I gave brief instructions on how to join the meeting, advised them to make sure the video and audio were on, AND I gave instructions on how to turn on mute!

Instructions for the activity were also given.

For our Minecraft themed virtual birthday party, the rules for the scavenger hunt were quite simple. The birthday boy would say a Minecraft item and everyone on the call would have to go find a real-life object that resembled that same item. We thought we were going to use a timer but we realized that wasn’t necessary after we started. Creativity was highly encouraged and that is what we got!

Lastly, I reminded local guests to stop by our house for their special treat. In the reminder, I mentioned that our security cameras would be recording them so if they wanted to do a little dance, we would show Nolan at the end of the night. Two of the families that stopped by played music from their phones. It was such a fun sight to see our friends having a dance party on our front porch!

goodie bags for social distancing birthday party

Party Time!

When the day arrives, it’s time to (virtually) party!

We set out the goodie bags on the porch with a sign my son made that read, “Thanks for coming!”

You could also put balloons out front or a huge sign encouraging passerby’s to honk their horns. Friends could do a driveby parade bringing their own balloons and signs, too! We decided to keep it as simple as possible.

Next, we prepared the list of scavenger hunt items. Then we tested the connection and set up.

We were planning on using an iPhone connected to our living room TV but as people started to join, we realized we could only see 4 guests at a time in the grid view on the Zoom phone app. Therefore, we quickly joined the meeting from my Chromebook, plugged THAT into the TV and kept the live video on the iPhone. This way, people didn’t have to call back in and the streaming quality was probably much better this way!

My husband and I had great teamwork and got it done quickly!

Once everyone was on, most people muted their audio and the scavenger hunt began! We didn’t really chat or give any time to talk. I guess we could have but we wanted to start on the activity right away to lessen the chaos.

The birthday boy read off an item (followed by his brothers and me! Ha!), then the guests scrambled to get an item to bring back to their phone or laptop as fast as they could.

We started the game with keeping score, but as the scavenger hunt went on, winners and losers didn’t really matter.

Instead, the focus was on how creative people could be with the items they choose and all the laughter and screaming. The excitement level was high in our house as our boys also went and found the items so they could play along as well.

A Party To Remember!

In all, I think we were all to the point where we needed human interaction.

It’s hard being stuck at home!

Instead of being bummed that we couldn’t have a birthday party for our little guy turning eight years old, we pulled together as a community and provided such an epic memory!

If you know of any kids who have a birthday right now or have family far away, please share so they can have just as much fun as us! Click on the sharing buttons below. Thank you!

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5 Creative Mindfulness Exercises For Parents In a Time Of Chaos

In this post, you will find creative mindfulness exercises for parents that bring connection and a sense of calm, joy and happiness to the chaos of life. This post contains affiliate links, see disclosure policy for details.

The biggest struggle I have in being the gentle, kind, calm and connected parent I want to be is that my kids are LOUD!

I’m not talking about occasional shrieking when they get excited or yelling that they are open when playing a game of basketball, but rather, talking and being loud all of the time. I can be a few feet from my son and yet he projects as if I’m across the street. My boys were not born with a volume button.

mom stress

I lied.

They do have a volume knob.

It just goes from 70% to 100% when they are upset or frustrated. It’s in these moments that I need to keep myself calm so I can attune to their needs.

Because I know that in those moments, there is ZERO reason to correct or reason with them if their lid is flipped.

Staying calm when the noise is deafening was so hard for me. I would start to feel like I was trapped in an echoey cave complete with cave kids and no way out.

The key to getting out of that cave is learning how to practice MINDFULNESS!

In order to get out of survival mode, find joy in motherhood, and stay calm enough to make long-lasting connections with my kids, I needed to learn how to be mindful.  

In order to get to this point where we train our brains and bodies to go into relaxation mode when the stress (or noise) is high, we need to know how to bring awareness to our experience.

Over the years, I have found a few creative mindfulness exercises for parents that help reduce the stress in stressful parenting situations.

What is Mindfulness For Parents?

Before I go into the specific exercises, let’s talk about what mindfulness even is.

It is a buzzword so I’m sure you have heard of it a time or two. This may also mean you have some preconceived notions of what it is. I know I did.

What Mindfulness is NOT

Here are a few things that mindfulness for parents is not:

Weird

It does not mean you need to climb to the top of a mountain surrounded by llamas and alpacas, repeating, “Ommmm”. That is a form of meditation. Two separate things.

Against Religion

It’s not against the Christian religion. I avoided anything to do with this word because I thought it was about emptying the mind.

Wrong!

It’s actually the opposite and can be used to bring you closer to God!

Something That Has To Take A Long Time

I’ve heard people say they don’t have time to do a mindfulness practice.

This is silly because being mindful doesn’t have to be this long-drawn-out process. It can be a quick, check-in with how your body feels and what you are thinking kind of thing then move on your merry way to clean the toilets or play with your child. I don’t know about you, but I typically choose to play with my child!

savoring motherhood

What Mindfulness IS

Simply put, mindfulness is the act of becoming aware of your experiences.

That’s it!

Right now, wherever you are, in your bed, in your house, at the park, at a doctor’s office, hopefully not in your car driving…take your attention off of this blog and bring awareness to how your body feels.

How does your face feel? Your hands? Feet? What kind of experience are you having this very second?

That, my friend, is mindfulness!

Noticing what is going on WITHOUT reacting or trying to fix things, or making judgments. 

Work with and direct those thoughts and feelings. This helps us enter a state where we can observe what is happening instead of allowing our emotions to hijack our behavior.

5 Creative Mindfulness Exercises for Parents 

Now, the real fun begins! 

Taking time to check in with your mind and body has so many benefits.

Mindfulness can take a crappy day and turn it into a good one. It can give you the space to think before you speak, connect before you correct and respond instead of react.

Being mindful can help you become the mom or dad you want to be for your children and the husband or wife you want to be for your spouse.

There are many different kinds of mindfulness practices you can incorporate into your daily life.

I am unpacking five creative mindfulness exercises that will help you find joy in parenthood and life, reduce stress, not yell and if you want, become closer to God.

All of these can be taught to your children which in turn can help you stay calm.

BONUS! By signing up for my newsletter, you will receive a Taking Care of MYSELF ebook that helps you take care of yourself so you have more to give. Learn how to be a calm happy, fulfilled parent with an acryonym that’s easy to remember!

1. STOP, Pause (or Pray) then Breathe

 Stop.

Drop your agenda. If nothing is physical and it’s not an actual emergency…

PRAY. 

Then BREATH. Take 3 deep breaths and CHOOSE to calm down. 

mindfulness for moms

2. Use Mantras

Ond day while my son was having a sensory (read: intense) meltdown, repeating mantras in my head totally saved me from matching his emotions. Otherwise, I would have totally lost it.

Because I kept repeating to myself, “He would do well if he could”, I was able to stay regulated long enough to help him calm down (this is called co-regulation).

Here are mantras that can help parents calm down:

  • This is not an emergency.
  • I can handle this.
  • I breathe in calm, I breathe out calm. I breathe in love, I breathe out calm. (Dr. Laura Markham)
  • My child would do well if he or she could (Dr. Ross Greene)
  • Behavior is an unmet need.
  • Behavior is communication.
  • God, I’m safe with you.
  • I have everything I need right now (Abundant Mama)
  • Connection before correction (Dr. Daniel Siegel)
mantras for moms and parents
click to download a full poster!

Every time you are able to calm down, your prefrontal cortex gets stronger and more neural pathways are formed.

You develop what is called, vagal tone.

The nerve that calms your body down, the vagus nerve, gets stronger. Someone with a good vagal tone is more resilient and can return to a sense of calm much faster.

As your vagal tone gets stronger,

  • You can intervene
  • Connect before you correct and 
  • Respond before you react! 

Have you caught onto the underlying benefits of mindfulness yet?

3. Breathe!

Last year, I was sitting with a group of women and my friend mentioned how she thought it was funny that her iwatch kept telling her to breath. She said, “Obviously, I’m breathing. I have to breathe to live.”

 True.

However, there are different ways to breathe. The way the iwatch wants you to breathe to deactivate your stress response.

You can do this RIGHT NOW!

Breath in slowly.

Hold your breath at the top.

1 – 2 – 3 – 4 – 5 …keep holding 6 – 7

Now blow out all of the air until it’s all gone.

Doesn’t that feel good? I was doing this as I was writing and have decided air is my drug of choice!!! Ha!  

The reason why this feels good is because of a few things:

Your Autonomic Nervous System is made up of the parasympathetic nervous system and the sympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic system is what helps you get into a calm state. I envision floating along on a parasail. This is when you can be relaxed, lose weight easier, sleep better and be happier. It’s restorative and gets rid of the stress hormones. You feel safe and can access intuition and insight.

Then we have the sympathetic nervous. When it’s activated, it’s telling our bodies there is an EMERGENCY!! This is when we go into a fight, flight, freeze or faint state and cortisol levels increase.

If we don’t get out of this system, we can gain weight, become sleep deprived, depressed and sad, be defensive, impulsive or completely shut down.

Get This! A relaxation response takes 12 breaths (roughly 2 minutes). However, if you do deep breathing regularly, it can work after 6 breaths!

I’ve had people tell me that breathing doesn’t work. It’s usually because they wait until they are at their boiling point and wanting to shake their child (which I don’t recommend doing that) to breathe! Then yes, it may not seem like breathing works. 

The research is very clear.

Breathing calms down the body. Period. It is also readily available!

window of tolerance for moms

Specific Breathing exercises

  • 5, 7, 8 breathing – Inhale for five counts, hold for seven and blow out a big exhale for eight counts. I don’t usually count, but instead, I just make sure my exhales are longer than my inhales.
  • Box breathing – Breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four. You can use your finger to draw a box or square as you count to four.
  • Scripture breathing – inhale as you recite scripture in your head and then exhale as you finish.
  • Connecting your breath to your thoughts, don’t just notice it.

You can access a deeper level of restfulness and healing by filling your mind with goodness. 

calm mom

When to Practice Breathing

Here are great times to do deep breathing exercises. In fact, since I do my breathing practice while driving, every time I put my car into drive, I automatically start to inhale deeply. My brain has been trained to take nice long deep breaths anytime I’m on the go.

Here are all the spots that work well to practice deep breathing:

  • Driving or riding in the car
  • While rocking a baby or toddler
  • Nursing a baby
  • Waiting for kids while in the car
  • Watching kids play sports from the sidelines at a practice or a game

4. Do a Body Scan

This is something else you can do while reading this post on creative mindfulness exercises.

Bring your attention to each of the following body parts one at a time:

  1. Toes → ball of the foot
  2. Calves → quads
  3. Stomach 
  4. Mind
  5. Heart

If we continue to keep ALL THE JUNK stuffed, that anxiety builds up then later explodes. Alternatively, think about how you feel in every nook and cranny of your body so you can release the tension.

happy mom

5. Savor

Savoring is aiming your attention on positive things in order to create a “bank account” of goodness to draw on in tough times. 

I once heard Dr. Laura Markham of Aha Parenting say, “Happiness is not in our brain’s job description…it’s always on the lookout for danger.” That helped me make sense of why I feel the way I do in so many situations.

When you induce the feelings of gratitude, empathy, and pleasure, you are actually changing the neurotransmitters in your brain to give yourself a positive sense of well-being and a strong sense of safety.

How to savor: attach positive thoughts to each of your senses.

What you see around you – nature, your kids getting along, your house you are blessed to live in, certain colors you enjoy

What you hear – music, a baby’s laugh, the sizzling of food, birds chirping, the leaves rustling

What you smell – your favorite food, essential oils, your hair, perfume, your baby’s sweet skin

How you felt in the past – reminisce on past experiences that were very joyful. Savor through journaling.

What you feel – something soft, your baby’s skin, your clothes, a tree

What you taste – think of the texture, flavor, and temperature

When savoring, it’s important that you choose something you actually like.

It’s confusing to the brain if you force positive thoughts while eating chocolate when you can’t stand the taste. Rather, look, listen, smell, feel and taste what you already enjoy.

Mindfulness Can Change Your Life

Yes, we are sold on a lot of ways to find happiness and ways to change our lives.

Some work and some don’t.

I can tell you from experience that having a mindfulness practice really does make a positive change. The more we bring awareness to our mind and body connection, the better we become at managing our emotions and the words that come out of our mouths.

Freebies for You!

I presented on this topic at my local MOPS chapter. For my talk, I provided my mommy friends with a printable that I wanted to make available to you as well. Click here to download the Mindfulness Handout.

I also have a self-care ebook to help mamas be their best selves! Fill out the form below and it will be sent directly to your email inbox.

Subscribe to Get Your “Taking Care of MYSELF” eBook

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Share the Love

If you find this information helpful in finding calm and happiness, please feel free to share! Use the sharing buttons below.

Much love,

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33 Creative & Healthy Snacks Kids Can Make

Inside: 33 healthy and creative snacks for kids of any age. Included in the list are a lot of healthy sweet treats and tasty veggie snacks that school-age kids can make themselves.

It never fails. My kids are always hungry for a snack. looking for snacks. Sometimes I feel like I just opened the door to a group of hungry wolves as they scavenge every nook and cranny looking for any signs of food.

I was finding that a quick bar or piece of fruit was not doing the trick. What would happen was they would eat a snack, then another snack, then grab a bowl of cereal then not be hungry for dinner.

healthy snacks for kids

This post contains affiliate links, see disclosure policy for details.

I needed to find healthy fulfilling after school snacks that would satisfy their growing bodies until dinner. Also, I wanted to find snacks that they could easily make themselves. Since my boys have been busy in the kitchen since they were toddlers, there’s not a whole lot they are incapable of making.

Read Next: 4 Steps to Teaching Your Child a new skill

boy cutting cucumbers

33 Creative & Healthy Snacks for Kids

Here are many different kinds of snacks that kids will like and can make themselves. Some need to be made ahead and others can be done in 10 minutes or less as soon as your little ones get home.

Sweet Snacks

It’s no secret that kids love sweet food. Instead of candy or high-sugary foods, here are some sweet and fruity snacks for kids!

1. Mini Apple Pizzas

What a smart idea! Take a common kid-favorite food of pizza, and transform it into something healthy and delicious. Pre-slice apples before your kids get home, set out a nut butter, an array of fruits such as berries and bananas, (plastic or metal, depending on age) butter knife and wa-la, your kids now have an apple pizza-making station. (Veggie Desserts)

Cookie Dough Energy Balls

Balls are everything! LOL! In all seriousness though, healthy snacks for kids like these are always well-liked and well-eaten in this house. (Key To My Lime)

cookie dough protein balls

Strawberry Yogurt Bark

Frozen yogurt is such a great after school treat. It’s filling, very nutritious and tasty. (Flavours Treat)

strawberry yogurt bark snack for children

Cheerio Bars

Here’s a twist on traditional bars that kids love. For us, we don’t do traditional Cheerios but instead would probably do Mom’s Best or Kashi. Super easy to make and a total winner. (Hunny I’m Home)

cheerio bars for after school food ideas

Dark Chocolate Date Balls

Another ball recipe. They really are easy to make and usually get eaten fairly quickly. My boys love chocolate so adding that ingredient makes it more appealing. (Earth Food and Fire)

chocolate date balls

Applesauce & Spinach Brownies

Yep, you read that right. You can put apples AND spinach into brownies. These are perfect for my son who loves to bake and use the food processor. (Food Meanderings)

spinach brownies for kids

Orange Creamsicle Protein Balls

Now, this is a different spin on protein balls. Love the addition of oranges especially because that is a fruit we grow a lot of around here. (Spabettie)

dreamsicle orange protein balls for kids

Vegan Fruit and Oatmeal Bars

Here is another recipe for bars that kids can easily make minus the oven part. We love making bars that have a few steps. Throw all the ingredients into a food processor, then into a greased pan and pop in the oven. These bars are also loaded with vitamins. (Food Meanderings)

fruit snack bars for kids

No-Bake Granola Bars

Another great no-bake bar with great ingredients and that can last a while. (Rhian’s Recipes)

granola bars after school snack

Morning Glory Muffins

Muffins are always a winner for both snacks and lunches. We can make a few batches at once, freeze or keep in the fridge to use throughout the week. I love that this recipe includes cranberries because my boys can’t get enough. (Erheardts Eat)

morning glory muffins

Raspberry Instant Pot Applesauce

We love our Instant Pot and applesauce. All we need to do is add some raspberries and we have another super healthy yummy snack. The best way we have found to cut apples is by using one of those apple peeler things. The boys love doing that part! (Radical Strength)

raspberry applesauce snack

Strawberry Bean Smoothie

This smoothie recipe had me take a double-look. Beans? In a smoothie? We’ve added avocados, but haven’t tried beans yet. The more protein we can add to their diet, the better! (Nutritiously)

strawberry bean smoothie

Light and Fluffy Blueberry Muffins

Every day we leave the gym, my boys want a blueberry muffin. I’ve been looking for a recipe we can make so we spend a lot less and know what ingredients are inside. (Sustain My Cooking Habit)

flaky blueberry muffins for after school

Vegan Oat Bars

More bars! I love recipes like this because when buying bars from the store, the price sure adds up. These are made with bananas and cinnamon. Yum! (Nutriciously)

Chocolate Peanut Butter Bars

Who doesn’t love chocolate and peanut butter? Thankfully we don’t have any nut allergies in this family because we love both! (Daily Vegan Meal)

chocolate peanut butter squares

Strawberry Rhubarb Popsicles

I need to dust off our popsicle makers. Living in Arizona, these are the best kind of after school snack because it is hot here! Love the added rhubarb! (Urban Bliss Life)

strawberry popsicles summer kid snack

Homemade Go-Gurts With Fruits & Veggies

Because our boys can’t have a lot of artificial anything including dyes and processed sugars, we’re always on the hunt for alternatives to snacks for kids. Love that you can add veggies with fruit without any pushback. These yogurt bags work great and last a long time since there are so many in one shipment. (Freebie Finding Mom)

homemade yogurt tubes

Oat & Banana Applesauce Muffins

The moister the better when it comes to muffins. And because of the bananas and applesauce, they are super sweet. (Simplify Create Inspire)

applesauce mufins

Pan-Fried Cinnamon Bananas

My ten-year-old has been cooking on the stove for over two years. He loves finding recipes like this. And my other boys love their sweets so this is a great alternative to candy which we have banned from our house! (Freebie Finding Mom)

after school banana chips snacks

No-Bake Fruit Pizzas

Making after school snacks into a pizza is more fun. This recipe gives a ton of options and ideas such as using pita or whole wheat tortillas as the base and yogurt or peanut butter as the sauce. As with any pizza creation, kids can get creative with the toppings. Berries, grapes and kiwi are always easy and yummy choices. (Two Healthy Kitchens)

fruit pizzas

Non-Sweet & Veggie Snacks

I sometimes wonder if my kids only eat sweet food all day. Because of this, I try to mix it up and add non-sweet healthy snacks for kids that incorporate protein or vegetables. A dash of salt usually helps too.

Bagel Chips and Easy Homemade Hummus

Hummus is definitely a go-to in our house. Once I learned how to make it myself, I never went back to buying it from the store. (Radical Strength)

homemade hummus snack

Homemade Goldfish Crackers

These are genius! If you look over this ingredient list, it doesn’t have any of the long words you’ll find on the store-bought package. If you don’t have a goldfish cutter (which she does link to one), I’m sure any shape would do. (Strength and Sunshine)

homemade goldfish crackers

Vegan Cucumber Hummus Bites

I love yummy vegetable snacks for kids that are also fun to look at! These are easy to make. With this child-proof knife set (and gloves), cucumbers are a great vegetable to use when teaching kids how to cut in the kitchen. The toppings are super easy for kids to put on as well. (Drive Me Hungry)

cucumber snacks for kids

Air-Fryer Chickpeas

Do you have an air-fryer yet? If not, the Ninja Foodie is AH-Mazing. I use it at least three times a week. My kids don’t like chickpeas out of the can, but they do like when they are roasted or air-fried. It takes the texture from gritty to crunchy and oh so delish. How much easier can a kid snack get? Throw oil, chickpeas, and seasonings in the air fryer then boom! a high-nutrient protein-packed snack. (Little Sunny Kitchen)

airfryer chickpeas yummy snack for kids

5-Minute Vegan Queso

We love queso in this house. The cheesier the better. We like to use whole wheat chia tortilla chips to dip or even carrots and cucumbers. (Karissa’s Vegan Kitchen)

tasty queso cheese dip for kids

Vegetable Train

I had two thoughts when I saw this recipe. One, that looks like a lot of work for an after-school snack. And two, but it’s so cute! Then I realized this is the perfect snack to create a connection while we make the trains together. (The Inspiration Edit)

Oven-Baked Beets

These may be hard for kids to cut, but not hard for them to eat! I was never a fan of beets until I was an adult and realized they are tasty when baked. I’m all for snacks that are loaded with vitamins. (Pink Fortitude)

beet chips

Keto Cheese Chips

We love cooked cheese. These are super simple to make with only 4 ingredients. (How 2 Do Keto)

keto cheese chips

Healthy Seed Crackers

These should be called “healthy loaded seeds crackers” because they have a ton of different seeds including pumpkin, chia, hemp, and sesame seeds. (In the Kids Kitchen)

seed crackers

Avocado Fries

The only way I can get my kids to eat avocado is if I put it in a smoothie. I’m hoping they like this crunchy version. (In The Kids Kitchen)

avocado fries

Crispy Baked Kale Chips

We love kale chips! This is a very simple recipe that the boys can easily prep. (The Soccer Mom Blog)

kale chips for after school

Parmesan Spinach Balls

This is a twist on ball recipes! We love spinach dip so putting it into an easy-to-eat ball makes total sense. (Momables)

spinach balls

Zucchini Pizza Bites

We have made zucchini pizza boats before and really enjoyed the flavors, but never thought to make them into bites. Again, this is another recipe kids can practice their kitchen cutting skills. (Momables)

zucchini pizza bites for kids

What are your favorite go-to snacks for kids? Comment below. And if these look yummy, don’t forget to share with your friends!

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Create Family Goals To Break Down Challenges (Includes Free Goal-Setting Tool)

Inside this post, you’ll find how to create family goals and build long-lasting relationships with your children.

I have a confession.

I’m terrified of goals. It may be my perfectionism or that I have a diagnosis of OCD, but the thought of not meeting a goal paralyzes me from making them.

I looked it up because that’s what I do, and I found the official name for this kind of fear. Atychiphobia. The fear of failure. Reading about it actually helped me realize I haven’t reached the phobia level and I would like to keep it that way!

To personally avoid goals is one thing, but not setting them for my family or allowing my kids to watch me set goals that I later achieve could be a disservice to them. Because goals are proven to help us see the bigger picture, move the needle forward, break down big challenges into achievable bite-size pieces, give purpose and get things done, I wanted to model that I can get over this teeny phobia and set goals together as a family.

creating family goals

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The Difference Between Family Goals and Family Values

In my search to create a strong family connection, I found that values should not only be talked about and lived out, but recorded and reflected upon.

To help you do that, I created a family values kit for you to download.

I wanted to know how goals differed from values. Are setting family goals secondary or added fluff to identifying values?

Nope. Not at all. They are both very helpful and impactful.

The difference is that family values provide a roadmap or compass that guides decisions and actions; they are the glue that binds the family together.

Values are basically core principals.

Loving God, being kind, compassionate, empathic, financially responsible, and persevering through tough times are the values we live out.

Goals are the objectives we look to achieve.

The goals are more tangible and usually require specific actions to take place.

In The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris, he breaks down values as being the HOW in which we live our lives and goals as the specific WAYS you execute your values.

This connection is imperative. You don’t want to set goals that are way off-kilter from what you believe in as a family. That would send up red flags and be super confusing to your kiddos developing brains. Although they are completely different concepts, they do work in conjunction with each other, especially in the case of working together as a unit.

family goals

The Importance of Setting Family Goals

When a group of people all work together to achieve a goal, it typically brings them closer. With families, having common goals can not only create a stronger bond, but they can help the members find purpose and their individual sense of belonging.

According to the University of Missouri, “Research indicates that families who establish both short and long-term goals are more likely to achieve those things in life that are important to them. Families who set goals manage their overall finances better than families who do not. They are also better able to communicate with each other when personal goals compete for resources or interfere with shared family goals.”

Family goal setting promotes autonomy and if you’ve been on this blog long you know that I am a firm believer in self-determination theory. This theory represents a broad framework of human motivation that unpacks how all people have a need for autonomy, relatedness, and competence.

Lastly, setting goals is a life skill your kids will thank you for instilling in them as they grow into adults.

Breaking Down Family Goals

When I first thought of goals that my whole family would set, a yearly thing popped into mind. But then I recalled all those past New Year’s Resolutions and yearly goals set in college courses that never came to fruition which caused atichyphobia to creep in. So instead, I thought a more manageable way of creating family goals would be to set ones that are monthly or weekly or even daily!

More boxes to check off for this checklist junkie!

The best way to set a family goal is for it to be “SMART” which stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time. This is what a SMART goal looks like for families:

  1. Specific | State exactly what you want to achieve or accomplish.
  2. Measurable | There needs to be a starting point and ending point and a way to measure how far you have come.
  3. Attainable (and I’m adding…Agreed Upon) | Your goals need to be something that everyone agrees upon and that can be achieved with hard work.
  4. Realistic | Don’t set goals that are unattainable for your family to achieve.
  5. Time | Set a certain amount of time in which you want to see a result. THIS is where I crumble so maybe I’ll give myself a little more breathing room and double it!

The Best Time to Set Family Goals

The absolute best time to get started on your family goals is RIGHT NOW! Okay, maybe not this exact moment, as you may be at a doctor’s appointment, lying in bed, or sitting at your child’s practice.

If you’re not having Family Meetings, I’m really not sure what you’re waiting for! They don’t have to be these complicated, drawn-out, pull-out-the-whiteboard meetings, but rather consistent gatherings where your entire family engages about rules, your event calendar, affirmations, values, and now….GOALS!

Carve out a meeting where this is the only thing you focus on so that it doesn’t last forever, and everyone is rolling their eyes because of another “great idea” you have. I hope I’m not alone in this. Ha!

Instead, approach creating goals as being something super exciting like making personalized photo calendars that showcase each family member’s progress and accomplishments! Although I discourage rewards for motivation, make achieving the goal the reward! And celebrate the heck out of it when you do. Dancing always fares well in this family.

importance of family goals

4 Steps To Setting (and Achieving!) Your Family Goals

I’m all about embarking on a new journey as long as I have a plan to get me there (and I know that I can be successful *wink wink). If you have never spent time setting family goals before like us, this process doesn’t have to be strenuous.

I have broken the process down for you in this free Family Goal-Setting Toolkit.

Take these steps and you’ll look back after a few months and be so proud of your accomplishments. Or you’ll look back and find where you need to improve to continue moving forward.

Ooooh and so I don’t forget, for this to be successful, make sure everyone weighs in on the goals you choose. This isn’t a top-down, parent to child kind of exercise. It’s collaborative!

discover family goals

Step 1: Discover Your Goals

It also starts with a plan. To come up with a list of goals you want to work towards, I suggest starting with three main categories.

Here are some questions that can help guide you to figure out what you want to make goals around (adapted from Bitz n’ Giggles):

1. What are some challenges you face as a family? Include both from the child’s perspective as well as your perspective.

Example: Technology is becoming a huge challenge in our family. Our kids feel like they never get to play video games, and we want to let them play but their behavior changes and they are unable to stop playing on their own.

2. What areas of family life do you want to do better?

Example: Getting out of the house on time would be something that would reduce a lot of contention.

3. What are some things you would do if you had more free time?

Example: This one is perfect for us to focus on right now as my kids went from a seven-hour school day with a lot of homework to a four-hour day school day, only four days a week! We now have free time that could be filled to create a stronger connection or get things done.

4. What does everyone like to do more than anything else?

Example: I love to hike, my husband loves to ride dirt bikes and the boys love to camp. We can find a common goal that incorporates all three of these activities.

5. What are some things your family has always wanted to do but are afraid to try?

Example: Sky Diving! I’m kidding. This one was hard for me to come up with an example. Maybe hike the Grand Canyon or go on a long trip across the country.

6. What motivates everyone in the family?

Example: Being in charge motivates one of our sons so a goal would be to learn leadership skills and put the new skills into action.

Step 2: Write Down Your Goals

Be specific about what you want to accomplish!

If the goal is to overcome the challenge of technology, break it down to include what kind of technology this includes such as tablets, iPads, computer and/or television. And the specific goal could be to develop self-control and only spend x amount of hours each week in order to engage in outdoor and other creative activities.

screen time for families

Step 3: Create an Action Plan

After you figure out what you want to focus on for this first round of goals, you need to come up with ways that you will be able to achieve those family goals.

I suggested answering the questions below (if applicable) for every goal you set. I make this super easy to do in the free Family Goal Setting Toolkit. To illustrate how easy this is, I have provided answers to the questions using the “manage technology better” goal.

1. What steps need to be taken to reach this goal? Do we need to work on something every day, weekly, monthly?

Together, we need to come up with the amount of time we think everyone can handle being on devices and then specific ways to adhere to those time frames such as using a zapping machine. I’m totally kidding! A real tool that could be used is kitchen timers that our kids would be fully responsible for setting. We could also set up certain rooms, days, or times during the day that must be screen-free.

2. What will the achievement of this goal look like?

The kids (and adults) adhering to the timeframes set! Self-control is apparent.

3. What are some obstacles we will most likely face? And how will we overcome them?

The kids go to friends’ houses where they don’t have limits on technology. They can talk to their friends’ about how they are working on this goal. Or they could bring games or toys such as Nerf Guns or Beyblades so there is no temptation to play video games.

4. How long should this goal take to achieve?

Let’s work on being consistent for one week with the goal of reaching to one month. The kids will need to focus on turning off technology ON THEIR OWN and the adults will need to work on keeping phones in a separate room during dinner and family time.

5. How will accomplishing this goal make us feel?

Elated! We would feel supportive of each other and happier! There won’t be as much anger, annoyance, and frustration over technology usage.

Step 4: Reflect on Your Goals

This is a step that is often skipped when setting family goals. However, it’s one of the most important parts because it helps determine if you were successful or not.

And if you were not successful, it gives you more goals to work on! Failure is how we learn, (as I keep reminding myself)!

Here are some reflection questions to ask yourselves:

1. In what areas did we do really well?

2. What are we proud of? What part of the goal is dance-worthy?

3. Where could we improve?

4. What would have made us more successful?

family goals action plan

60 Day Goal-Setting Action Plan

Once all the planning of your goals is finished, it’s time to get crackin on accomplishing some family goals together as a team!

This is where the 60 Day Plan comes into play.

A lot of goal-setting tools I saw used a 90 Day Plan, but I have young kids and their attention spans small and sometimes non-existent. Honestly, 60 days may be too much so you could do check-ins every week or during the halfway point if that floats your fancy.

I made this part super easy for you! On the 60-Day goal-setting worksheet, you will list the main goals you want to reach on one side and all the tasks or mini-goals you need to do to get to your end goal. AND there are checkboxes! Woot Woot!

I suggest focusing on 2-3 goals at a time. Any more than that may be too overwhelming if you’re anything like me. However, if you are a GOAL-GETTER and so are your kiddos, then you can aim higher.

A tip I heard once from Jon Acuff, the author of Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done is to cut your goals in half. It’s much more attainable and less defeating. I’m a big fan of that philosophy!

family goal setting worksheets

Having a Tough Time Finding a Goal?

No worries, boo, I got your back!

If you find going through all the questions too much, I made a cheater’s goal-setting sheet with a list of family goal ideas that promotes connection, positive family culture, and productivity. Simply peruse that list to determine a few goals you want to work on and add to the 60 Day Action Plan.

Go Set Your Family Goals

What are you waiting for? Download the Family Goal Setting Toolkit by subscribing and filling out the form below. Then, print it out and have that family meeting or your Matt Damon (check out this post for reference).

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goal setting action plan and worksheet

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